Love Story
by EmlovesM
Summary: Jack Lives Story. Jack and Rose's daughter falls for Cal's son, not knowing of their parents history and Cal not knowing Rose is alive. When Cal finds out about where Eliza Dawson comes from the consequences will be deadly.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I studied my mother intently. I looked at her arched eyes as they burned through the dish she was feverishly scrubbing, and her ruby lips, pursed in concentration. Only recently had she begun doing the dishes, ever since I dared to proclaim that washing dishes was the most revolting chore that ever existed. Now it was her job to wash the dishes, and mine to scrub the bathroom. I'd never realized how skilled I'd become at washing china until I saw Mama attempt it for the first time. Since then I made a point to sit at the table and chronicle the spectacle with paper and charcoal.

Wisps of wild auburn hair stuck madly out of her bun, her cheeks were unflatteringly flushed, and yet I could think of no more beautiful a subject than my own mother to draw. Maybe it was because she was my father's favorite also and I aimed to emulate my father in every way. When I was younger he seemed to possess an almost otherworldly perfection, like Hercules and Prince Charming and a thousand other lovable beings combined into one man. And while my idolatry for him has faded with time I can never stop myself from trying to attain that effortless precision that he achieved unknowingly.

My concentration was destroyed when the door flew open and in dashed a skinny creature covered earth and rain water.

"Ah, what a game." He sighed as he plopped his bony body into the chair next mine. At eleven, Jacob Dawson resembled our father as much as I resembled our mother with his hair; stick straight, the color of wheat. His eyes teemed with the color and temperament of the sea and his skin was the kind that bronzed in the sun. The kind I could never seem to attain.

"You smell like a wet dog." I said, wrinkling my nose. The truth was he didn't. He smelled like the rain and the earth and the trees that stretched out and worshipped the marble sky. He smelled like life. At least to me. But those are the things you never say to a younger brother.

"Jack, please go in your room and change, I just cleaned this place!" Our mother's voice began to shrill and I could feel the frustration rising inside her by the heat she was radiating. Jacob, little Jack, did nothing but remove a soggy piece of paper form his pocket.

"I got invited to a party today. These two new girls in my class invited everyone to their house. Can I go." He asked, flashing that winning smile in her direction, but she never looked up.

"We'll see." Replied my mother. Jack frowned.

"But mom, I want to see that house! It supposed to have its own swimming pool and everything! Please, I'll do all my chores this week I promise!" He grinned at her, that famous Jack grin that she couldn't deny. It was my father's same smile.

"Who are these people again?" She said with a sigh.

"Lavinia and Rosalie Hockley."

As if she had just lost all muscle function in her hands my mother dropped the plate she was wiping, letting it shatter at her feet without so much as a glance. She looked strange. Her face, deep red moments ago, was now stark white and her hands began to shake as if she was cold.

"I'm sorry Jack, I-I can't let you go to that party." She stammered, fear was etched in her eyes. I began to get scared.

"Mamma, are you alright?" I asked, rising from my seat to catch her if she fainted. Jack too, started up looking panic stricken.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry." She said, trembling. "Just go to your rooms, and don't tell your father about any of this, understand." Jack opened his mouth to say something but I elbowed him sharply and he followed me upstairs without a word. "And Jacob Dawson I don't want you talking to those children, you hear me?" She called up after him. There were few times in my fourteen years I could remember her voice sounding that grave.

"What was that about?" asked Jack. He seemed half angry and half concerned

"I don't know. One minute she's mad and the next she looks absolutely petrified!" I stayed silent for a moment listening for noises down in the kitchen, hysterical heaves, sobbing. Silence.

"What do you think made her so afraid?" My mind jump to mood swings, to another sibling which I did not want. It replayed the short conversation over and over again until it came up with another source that was far better than a new baby.

"It was the names. When you mentioned their names she got all frantic. What else do you know about these kids?"

"Only that their names are Lavinia and Rosalie and that their wealthy. Very wealthy. But not the kind of wealthy you see here in California. East Coast wealthy. I don't see how Mama could know them."

"Well she was born in the East. At least I think she was since I was born in the East. Maybe she knew them before we were born, before she met Daddy. Or maybe she knows them from Hollywood. Do you think Mr. Hockley invests in moving pictures?" I mused.

"Maybe we can..." Said Jack, a wide, vicious grin spreading across his face, lighting up the gold flecks in his eyes.

"No, Jack. Mama said no. There's a reason she was so afraid when she heard those girls names. These people might be dangerous!" I warned, feeling a little silly for calling two eleven year-old girls dangerous.

"If Mama's so afraid maybe we should go to the party and see if she has anything to be afraid of. Don't you want to know what's up with these people?

I writhed and twisted a stray curl tightly around my index finger. Of course I wanted to know the reason for Mama's terrified rejoinder. I wanted to more than I could say. There is a thirst inside me. A thirst to know deep dark secrets, to lift the gilded veil of human façade and discover the gritty details beneath. I wanted to lift my mother's façade. Yes, I knew it was there, ever since I was a little girl. It's a secret you can see in her eyes when she's really happy or when she's very sad. I can hear it too, sometimes a whisper and sometimes so loud I wonder if anyone else can hear it too. It calls, it screams. But after all these years I can never tell what its saying.

"And since when have you been the one to follow the rules, hypocrite!" I lowered my eyes, he was right. I was being a hypocrite. All those times I had gotten him in trouble, I suppose I owed him.

"Alright, we'll go." I reasoned, he practically knocked me down with his hug.

"Thanks, Eliza. You're my favorite sister, you know that?"

"I'm your only sister." I said, messing his hair with my hand. I could hear it now. Mama's secret. And although I still couldn't find the words I knew I needed to be at that party.

Sneaking out was easy enough; the tricky part was getting there. We walked for what seemed like hours, Jack in his cleanest cotton shirt and me in the white summer dress I had gotten for my thirteenth birthday and never worn. The cheap lacey fabric itched and rustled uncomfortably against my skin but it was the only party dress I owned.

Describing the Hockley's home as a house is not only an understatement, but a lie. The sprawling mansion I saw in front of me, every frosted window glowing in the balmy night, put the White House to shame. It was unlike any other I had ever seen, all stone columns and pure white bricks with a dark green lawn that stretched and rolled like a pasture without the nuisance of animals or insects. The inside was like a heart, a gilded heart, pulsing with vitality as if every dashing man and sparkling lady's hearts beat in unison.

"Jesus, I'm sweating like a-" Jack began.

"You mustn't talk like that anymore!" I scolded." Stand up straight and pull back your shoulders. Try to act…sophisticated."

A mousy maid rushed by, taking one glance at us, before motioning for us to follow. "More guests for Miss Lavinia and Miss Rosalie. How delightful." She said with as much enthusiasm as a stiff. "This way please."

She led us into a room not too far away from where the adults mingled and glasses clinked. This room was quite smaller and filled with children around Jack's age dressed to the best their parents could afford.

"I didn't know it was this fancy!" He cried, growing red in the face. I could only cross my arms and shift my eyes in embarrassment. Not only was I not invited but I felt stark naked. From across the room young boys jumped up and down, hailing Jack to come and join their amusement.

"See ya, Lizzie." And I was left alone in the threshold. And that's where I wanted to stay.

Just then, two identical heads snapped up from a crowd of giggling girls as if they sensed something was amiss. One of them looked my way and pointed, tugging at the others sleeve. The two girls left the group and marched straight up to me.

"_Who_ are _you_?" One demanded. The other wore a deep quizzical expression.

"You must be the Hockley twins." I said, trying to sound friendly.

"_Who_ are _you_?" The commanded in perfect unison.

"I'm Eliza. _Jack's_ sister." I pointed to him, the only fair haired boy in a sea of dark curls.

"Ahh!" They both seemed pleased at the connection, laughing giddily at the mention of his name.

"We like your brother." One said dreamily.

"He such a card." The other giggled.

I too laughed at her statement, but for very different reasons. They must have realized it because their haughty attention snapped right back to me. One of them narrowed her obsidian black eyes and reached out her hand as if to strike me. But instead she reached out and tugged on a stray length of scarlet hair.

"You have unusual hair." Said the one, rubbing the ends of it between her fingers. "Is it new?"

"What?"

"Well that can't be your actual hair color." Said the other one. "Nobody can possibly have _that_ color hair. It's absurd." She said primly with a flip of her own dark curls.

"Daddy's secretary Miss Waverly gets her hair colored every month, but she has it colored blonde." The first one sighed. "I asked Mummy if I could have my hair colored like Miss Waverly's but she said the less I am like Miss Waverly the better." The other snickered.

"I assure you, it's real." They didn't look convinced. "I was wondering if I could meet your parents. They're very important people." I hesitated. "I'd love an introduction."

They paused for a moment and looked at each other for quite a long time. They silently communicated for about half a second. Then they smiled at each other, and then at me. Their grins made my skin itch.

"Sure, why not." Said one of them.

"But we're not allowed in the dining." Said the other.  
"That's room is for grownups." Her sister agreed.

"We could sneak you through the lounge, of course. But that would be naughty of us."

"Very naughty."

"But Daddy would love to me you. He likes little red headed girls very much." She said in that sweet innocent way children often slip uncomfortable facts about grown ups.

"Alright, I suppose we could do that for you. Jack's sister."

They took my hands and whisked me down a wide empty corridor until we reached a large oak framed door that stood lonely and obsolete at the end of the decorated hall.

"Age before beauty." They giggled, opening the door. I walked right in expecting a room full of light and leather. But before I could react to its vacancy the door shut behind my back, the lock clicking into place and two pairs of patent leather shoes skipped away happily.

"Excellent." I sighed, looking around the room. At the lounge that wasn't a lounge at all but a room full of dusty old furniture and not another door in sight.

I had hoped that there might be something in this room. Something the twins were never aware of: a secret door, a treasure chest, secrets that would explain my mother's terrible fear of the name Hockley. But the only thing left here was a few pieces of innocuous furniture.

I had no desire to pound my fists on that heavy door waiting for someone to come to my rescue and no desire to explain to anyone why I was here in the first place. I sat down at an old grand piano and began to play my heart out.

I can't remember who taught me how to play piano forte. It seemed as if I'd always known how to read music, which keys to press and when. I know I couldn't have just known how to play but when I think back all I can remember is me alone on that piano bench, eyes flitting over music and it pouring out of me like a language I had been born with.

I was so engrossed in my music that I didn't even notice someone had unlocked the door and come in. But as he approached me from behind I began to feel him. I felt his eyes on the back of my neck that sent electricity down my spine. I stopped playing and looked up at him.

"Are you Mr. Hockley?" I inquired, eyeing him up and down. He looked a lot like the twins: fair skin, dark hair. But he did not share their black irises or their air of arrogance. In fact, his face was soft and his eyes were blue like the summer sky.

"Um, no. Not exactly. They call me Master Hockley." He said. I giggled.

"Master, huh? How pretentious of them."

"What are you doing in here?" He asked, approaching cautiously.

"What does it look like? I'm playing piano!"

"Why?"

"You unlocked the door, didn't you? I have your sisters to thank for that. They tricked me." I added, bitterly.

"Yea, they're good at that. I'm Nathan. Nate." He said genially, reaching out his hand.

"Elizabeth. Eliza." I said warily, taking his hand and giving it a gentle shake.

"That's funny. I wouldn't have figured you for an Elizabeth."

"Well, it wasn't my choice was it?" He came over and sat down next to me on the piano bench. The feeling of his legs against my thigh made me uncomfortable. I looked at him incredulously.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he placed his fingers on the ivory keys.

"Well if you want to play piano we'll play together." He said, with a little-boy like easiness that seldom appeared in the likes of adolescents.

"No we won't." I stammered, removing his hands form the piano. "I don't even know you."

"I don't know you either. And you're in my house. But I want to know you." His soft blue eyes met mine and suddenly I became aware that this boy found me attractive. _Me. _Ginger. Red. Curly Top. How could it be that a girl saddled with so many unflattering monikers could be liked in an instant. And he seemed so sincere.

"You want to get to know me…playing piano. You can't really talk while you're playing piano, you know?"

"You can't?"

"I don't, unless I'm singing. But I don't think we should do that either."

"I think you're right. Do you want to get out of here?" He asked tentatively. The expression on his face was an odd one. Like a person who'd just seen a ghost and found buried treasure all at the same time.

"Yeah." I replied anxiously. He took my hand without any hesitation and led me out of the room just as his sisters came running in, holding onto a pair of metallic scissors. The look of shock as we whisked passed them was one all never forget.

We stopped just before the balcony entrance, a palatial room that led to an even larger one where wealthy adults tittered and laughed. The air just before it was laced with perfume and cigar smoke.

"Nate, I can't go in there." I stated firmly touching the synthetic lace of my skirt.

"You look nice." He said earnestly, placing a hand on my arm.

"Just one, dance. That's all I need."

"Need?" I felt myself slip into the dazed, dreamy state of fancy. I let myself fall, and fall hard. Because like everyone else in this world I loved to be in love.

He wove me through the crowd of beads and taffeta to the center of the glittering room. Women in their sequins and high heels slumped on the shoulders of inebriated men, all sloshed into their own stupor.

They took no notice of us as placed my arms carefully on Nathan's broad shoulders and he slung his arms around my waist. I kept my eyes fixed in the freckles on his neck, trying not to smile or flinch as he breathed warm breaths into my ear.

"Eliza?" I was forced to raise my gaze to meet his face. No matter how much I wanted to keep my indifference to the affections of boys, he was stunning in every way. He had the strong chin, shoulder and soft muscles of a man and the pure eyes and soft lips of a boy. He was what little girls dreamt of as they read tales of handsome young princes rescuing delicate princesses from unseemly ends.

"I just want you to know that…that you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." My heart stopped and for what reason I didn't know.

"Really?"

"Really." He said, exhaling as if the weight of the world had evaporated off his shoulders. "It's just you've got-"

I didn't care what made him love me. All I cared was that he did. In that moment I decided to let all my childhood resolves about life, and love and practicality slip away. I kissed him first.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As we broke apart, my head swam with thoughts of repercussions. It was too forward, too fast. Her teacher, Miss Hawthorne's words echoed inside her skull. _A young lady should always be modest and demure. _I cursed myself for not ever listening to what that woman had to say. I could feel the blood rising in my cheeks from embarrassment when Nathan Hockley tilted my chin and kissed me back, harder still.

When you're little, you dwell on the day that you meet your handsome prince that will spirit you away from all the wretchedness the world has to offer. What no one bothers to tell you is that princes aren't found in gilded carriages or far off lands. They're found right in the most ordinary places if one only takes the time to look beneath the surface.

"Well, I hate to break it to you but I'm no harlot. If you want to keep kissing me like this we're going to need to come to some understanding." I told him, in a voice so overtly serious he started laughing.

When Jackie found me we were both gripped in fits of laughter, sewn to each other like two ragdolls in a permanent embrace.

I felt him tap my shoulder and when I looked around he seemed a little startled. His eyes darted from Nathan to me and back again before would say anything.

"Who is he?" He asked warily.

"My new friend." I answered with a smile. "What do you want?"

"He looks like a-" Before he could say anything more I grabbed hold of his arm and tugged him away from Nathan, into a dense mass of shiny sequins.

"What's going on?" I asked him tersely. I could see Nathan standing alone a few feet away looking confused.

"I talked to the twins for a long time. I mentioned Mama's name and neither of them knew who she was." Though one of them said you look familiar…"

"So we don't know why Mama's so afraid of the Hockleys. Maybe she was just being overly cautious. Mothers can be that way sometimes." I said, looking over his shoulder at Nathan whose eyes were searching the crowd. Jack looked at me crossed.

"Yeah, mothers, not Mama. She always wants us to have fun." He said fiercely. "There's something strange going on here and don't say there isn't. Eliza? I had caught Nathan's eye through the sheen of glimmering woman and was shooting him funny looks to make him laugh and wonder what in the world we were talking about.

"Eliza, are you all right. You're acting a little…odd?"

"No, Jack, I'm not alright. I wonderful, amazing. I've never felt so alright in my life." I beamed at him and squeezed his shoulders. I wanted him to feel the thrill that buzzed inside my chest.

"Well, you won't be so amazing. Not when Mama and Dad find out we snuck out."

"What time is it?" I asked him, the feeling of exhaustion finally weighing on my shoulders.

"Almost midnight." He said with such flat reserve you'd think it was almost twelve in the afternoon. My eyes widened in horror. Mamma would have gone to bed by now. She would have come into their room to say good night and …I felt the panic rush through me, the panic I'm sure Mama felt as found their beds empty and called their names throughout their little apartment without answer.

"We have to leave! Now!" I took him by the crook of his elbow and dashed for the door, but just then I remembered and looked over my shoulder at the spot where Nate had been, laughing and pondering at her queer expressions. He was gone.

My mind was torn between fear of retribution and the fear I would never see Nathan Hockley again. My first real kiss and I had little chance of ever seeing its bestower again. I was crestfallen, and even more so because our objective had not been fulfilled. We had never discovered why the Hockleys were so frightening to mother.

"Are you ready?" I said, gathering up all the calm and resignation I had within me. We had reached the apartment door. All was still outside but that didn't guarantee inside would be the same.

"No." He said, and he reached out and turned the knob and together we walked in bracing ourselves for Mother's brisk scolding, but it never came. The foyer was empty.

"Where are they?" Jack whispered, his murky green eyes shifting warily.

"Come on." I answered softly, gripping the sleeve of his shirt and guiding him through the dark living room, cautiously dodging the furniture, making sure he did the same. Mother's ears were honed from years of whimpering babies and mischievous toddlers. If there was any chance that our parents did not discover we had escaped, than it was vital that we make it to our rooms without a sound.

But as we came to the kitchen door, there it was; the familiar sense of foreboding that preceded castigation. Someone was waiting behind that door.

I put my fingers to Jack's lips which were opened, just about to inquire why we had stopped. I shook my head and placed my hand gently against the door to try and indicate to him there was behind it but he did not comprehend as most boys don't. I pushed on the door gently, seeing the outline of the stove and the counter tops, all draped in shadows. I thought we were okay. Until the door swung open all the way.

Mother and Dad were at the table, their eyes fixed on their clenched hands, their faces lit by a flickering oil lamp at the center of the table. They looked up at me. I cringed. On the way back I had thought up so many spiels on how we had to go to that party for one reason or another but there was only one sentence I could find the words to say.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered. Mother looked about ready to explode but before she could say anything, daddy beat her to it.

"Come here, Elizabeth." He said firmly. He used his nickname for me which meant he was angry. I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry daddy; I really didn't want to go, honest but..." Out of the corner of my eye I saw mother's face go rigid. I remembered what she had said_. "Don't tell your father about any of this"._

"But I just wanted to see that house. You should have seen it, Daddy. It was more like a castle than a mansion" I said quickly before I could second guess myself. I looked at mother; she sighed and her faced reased. He sat me on his lap like he always did when he wanted my full attention and he beckoned for Jack to come forward who was half hidden behind the door, cowering, and waiting for me to test the waters.

It was never strange for me to sit on my father's lap, even now at the age of fourteen, nor was it uncommon for him to swing me up in his arms after hours and hours apart. It had always been this way; I would always be his little girl. I didn't know soon this would not be so.

" Lizzy, you scared us half to death. If you'd just asked us again when I got home we coulda sat down and talked about it." I had half the mind to tell him that it was all Jack's idea, that he convinced me to sneak out with him, but somewhere deep down I knew blaming my actions on someone else would just loose me more of his trust.

"Again, I'm really sorry, Daddy. It'll never happen again. I promise." Years of feigning innocence had made me a good liar. After a while, it almost seems like the truth.

"I believe you. You're such a good girl, you know that? Very smart and talented. You just gotta put those smarts to better use, right?" I laughed and hugged him; Jack did the same wrapping his wiry arms around father's broad shoulders.

"Come along, Eliza, let's go up stairs." She said taking my hand away, realizing that her husband was quickly becoming favorite over her.

Once we were upstairs in my room, she closed the door behind her, slumping against it slightly, breathing deeply. She looked at me with cold, piercing eyes as if trying to read my thoughts.

"I don't know anything." I told her bitterly before she could inquire. "I never had the chance to ask." Her gaze softened a little, but I could tell she was furious.

"Did you see him." She said, there was a small trace of fear in her question.

"Who?" I asked, my interest rising. "Who were you worried I'd meet?"

"No one." She said, as if she'd forgotten her previous question. I frowned.

"I met the children. Those two vapid little girls thought my hair wasn't real!" I said meaning for a laugh, but her face remained blank. I thought better of mentioning Nathan to her.

"Promise me you won't pursue this." She said. "Promise me you'll leave this alone."

"Why won't you tell me why you're so scared of these people? What'd they do to you?" I demanded loudly, which caused her to press her body more heavily against the door frame, fingers curling around the door knob.

"Because it's best to leave the past alone, Eliza." She said, turning to leave.

"What past? You and dad got married and had me when you were seventeen! What could have happened before that?" I implored, trying to stare her down.

"A lot." she said, somberly, before flicking the lights off and walking away, leaving me alone in the dark.

Time seemed to go so slowly after that night, I'd go to school and I'd come home from school each day without even a glimpse of Nathan Hockley, who seemed to have evaporated into thin air since the night I met him. It was only when I thought I'd die if I didn't see those blue eyes one last time, that I expressed my grievances to my younger brother.

"Jack, do you remember that boy I was dancing with at the twin's party?" I asked him as we walked home, he was upset because three of his friends had become ill and could no longer play soccer with him after school. He kicked at the sidewalk gravel and stuck out his bottom lip as most little boys did when they were angry. That's what I loved about Jack, he was completely oblivious to how classically adorable he was.

"Yeah." He grumbled, sending a stray stone skipping across the curb with a scuff of his shoe.

"Well, he just so happens to be the twins older brother and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind-"

"You like him, don't you." He said flatly. "You want to see him again because you like him. In a Mama and Dad sort of way, right?" I blushed. It was hard for me to admit I liked someone in front of my little brother, especially when that little brother had seen my most unflattering moments and was willing to divulge them to anyone at any time.

"Well, yes I suppose he is quite attractive but he's a very kind person too and I would like to be his friend. If you could just ask the twins if their brother could come by after school just to visit, please?"

"Sure, I'll do it, but you have to do something for me."

"Anything." I said excitedly.

"Watch Thomas for me." I groaned. He was a sweet little boy, with a mop of messy auburn hair and a smile that could light up the town, but very rarely did he smile. He usually slept or cried or tore up the house in his quest for attention which is why I never really bothered to help with him and for some reason he hated me. He bawled his heart out when I cradled him and screamed when I tried to pick him up, but he adored Jack, even though Jack barely paid any mind to him either.

"I can't do that, he'll kill me." I said, backing away.

"No he won't he's just a baby. Mom told me to watch him while she went for an audition but you can watch him in the park."

"No, I can't he's all over the place, he'll never sit still for me!" I cried. "I won't even be able to talk to Nathan if I'm chasing a toddler around!"

"Take it or leave It." he said.

"Fine I'll take him, but only for an hour, then it's your turn." I said crossly.

"Deal."

My heart leaped when I finally spotted the figure of Nathan Hockley walking across the lawn towards me. His marble skin glowed in the dusky golden sunlight that bathed the grass and the trees beyond it. His dark hair was slicked back and he wore a black jacket with the emblem of a school marked on its pocket. I could make out his eyes from several yards away, brilliantly blue in the gold tinted earth.

" Hi." He said, his eyes falling upon the little boy struggling to break free of my grip, he whimpered, and kicked growing red in the face. Nathan laughed. "He looks like he's going to explode if you don't let him go."

"If I let him go he'll run away, then what will I tell my mother?" My eyes met his, and he looked breath taken.

"Wow." He said, taking the seat on the bench next to me, brushing a stray curl out of my eyes. "You look…stunning." I felt my face go hot.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I said, trying to force back my snigger as I caught sight of his tie.

"Yeah, I go to a boy's school. It's a nice school I guess but there isn't very much to look at." I didn't know whether I should've been flattered or disgusted by his remark, yet I was oddly entranced by the way he said it, so affectionately that it was as if I was the only one he ever wanted to look upon. I stared at him for a moment and he stared back at me, we were fascinated by each other and we both seemed to realize it.

"Have you any knowledge on how to tame a toddler?" I implored jokingly, struggling to maintain my grip on little Thomas.

"Sorry, we had nannies when the twins were that age. I haven't a clue how they kept them from falling in a well and drowning."

He was so unlike my image of a privileged boy. He didn't talk properly, or refrain from teasing. He was a normal boy, not unlike my father I remarked, but that thought was quickly driven from my head when he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I looked up at him in surprise, he just smiled.

"I just wanted to know what it would feel like. Your cheeks are so smooth." I blushed and clapped my hands over my face.

"You shouldn't say those things."

"Why?" He asked, taking my hands and removing them from my face. "I told you before, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

"I don't think I'm as pretty as you say." I knew I wasn't as pretty as he said. I was the one who looked in the mirror everyday, who scrubbed every inch of my body. I was the one who enjoyed the teasing. I knew I was no beauty. So why did he believe I was?

"I don't say things unless they're true." He said earnestly. Then he kissed me. I had forgotten how thrilling it was to kiss someone. Someone you'd just met. Without anyone knowing. Sharing a secret without saying a word.

And I was so engulfed in my recent epiphany that I was in love for the first time that I failed to realize that my baby brother had disappeared from sight.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Where's Thomas?" I gasped, pulling away from a long breathless kiss. I got to my feet and surveyed my surroundings. The golden California sun was fading, it dipped below the horizon dappling the earth in shades of green and gold. Most people had scattered in anticipation of the night, there was no one to be seen, not even a small boy with red hair.

"Oh God! Oh God!" I cried in disbelief. How had I let this happen? What if he got lost, what if he was kidnapped? I couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to him. That poor, difficult little boy. "Thomas Andrew Dawson, come back!" I screamed into the gold tipped trees on the out skirts of a darkening wood.

Then I listened, for the sound of a faint cry or far away laughter, maybe the sound of quick little feet scampering away. But when the only sound I heard was the sound of my own voice echoing back at me, I began to cry. Nathan got up and slipped his fingers into my trembling hand and squeezed in tight.

"Don't worry. He can't have gone far." He dropped my hand and started to walk around in a circle, scanning the perimeter of the park and the area beyond it. "If I was a two year old where would I go?" His aqua eyes lingered on a particular place. A patch of gloomy willows, swaying in the gentle wind, there floating limbs shading a murky grey pool of glassy water hidden by a steep bank.

"Y-you think?" I asked him anxiously.

"Well, I really don't know. It's worth a shot." He reasoned. He reminded me of my father when he said that, so calm in a time of dire panic.

As soon as I heard these words I started to run. Across the park green and down the steep, sloping bank. My body couldn't catch up to my flying feet and I fell to my knees as I hit the soft, mossy lake bed, the lush grass breaking my fall. The small grey pool was larger than I had anticipated, a smooth expanse of silvery water so calm I could see my reflection undistorted in its shallows.

Night was falling fast; a misty haze had materialized above the water, moist and eerie in the diminishing daylight. Crickets began to sing their lullaby, the whispering cattails as their rhythm, ushering in the stars which were beginning to twinkle faintly in the purple sky. All seemed still.

Nathan appeared next to me. He pointed to a small, weathering dock that extended out into the pond and a small child leaning over its end, chubby baby fingers barely grazing the water's surface.

Before I could call out to him, Nathan placed a finger against my lips and whispered in my ear, his warm, sweet breath exhaling on my neck.

"We don't want to startle him, or he may fall in." He said softly. "We have to be sly." He gripped my hand again as we crouched behind the tall cattails like prowlers on the hunt, gazing at the tiny victim through the gaps in the reeds.

I was careful to place my feet in the moist, spongy grass and not on any twig that might snap under my weight. I ducked behind a decaying wooden post at the base the deck, keeping my eyes on Thomas who was still leaned over the dock, determined to feel the water on his hands.

"Stay here, I'll grab him." Nathan told me. I frowned. I had wanted to be the one to take him in my arms and hug him tight and never let go. But there would be a time for that. Right now I just wanted him to be safe. But as Nathan shifted his weight onto the wooden plank it let out a wail of age and irritation and as the baby looked around, he lost his balance and tumbled into the water below.

"No!" I cried, getting up to jump in and rescue him, but Nathan beat me to it, bounding up the rickety dock and flinging himself into the now churning water and disappearing below its surface. I few people nearby heard my cries and ran up to the ridge of the bank calling out to me but I didn't answer. I recognized one of the shouts as the voice of an actor my mother worked with, Mr. Calvert. He'd know to go fetch help. I couldn't waste my time just sitting here, watching them drown.

I tore off my school jumper and blouse till I wore just my underwear and under shirt. And without hesitation I two went running down the dock and launched myself into the pond.

I dived down into the depths of the pond, where the water was warm and sweet and almost unbearably heavy. It pressed against my head making it throb as if someone were squeezing it. My hair clouded around me, thick clouds of bloody red that obscured my vision more than the dense pond water.

Then I saw it, the small black shadow floating beneath me. I made a beeline for it snatching him around the waist and kicked towards the surface with ease. Once I broke the surface I didn't look at his face. I didn't think I could bear to look upon the grey face of my poor baby brother, the only responsibility I had, if I was too late.

Nathan surfaced behind me, shaking his sodden hair out of his eyes; he then aided me in lifting him above the water and back onto the dock. I climbed up too, with great effort due to my slick spidery legs. I kneeled over my brother's limp body shaking him hard. I pressed my shivering hands to his motionless chest, and began to cry.

"Thomas, please, please, open your eyes, darling!" I breathed, pounding my fists on his chest. Nathan staggered up on the dock and pushed me aside, and leaned over Thomas placing his hand gingerly on the top of his sopping hair, and very gently tipped it backwards. Thomas Andrew sputtered and cried.

"Thomas!" I squealed and took him in my arms. He bawled, his tiny fists clutching the straps of my chemise furiously. There were shouts from above and at least a dozen people came barreling down the bank, my father included.

"Is he all right?' he gasped, taking him from my arms and hugging him tight. He pressed his ear against his rapidly falling chest to check if he was breathing which was quite obvious due to his wails of despondency.

"You a brave girl going in to save your brother." Said a foreign man who had come to aid the situation. His wife, a plump, blonde woman took her shawl and wrapped it around my bare shoulders, rubbing them in a motherly fashion.

"I didn't save him, Nathan did." I said proudly, holding out my hand for Nathan to grab. He was still sitting on the deck, overwhelmed at how quickly this all came about. He looked at me strange.

"Eliza, I didn't save him from the water, you did." He whispered. "All I did was open his airway so he could breathe."

"Which is basically the definition of saving someone. What I did was called a rescue. Completely different." I stated. "Besides, watch." My father handed Thomas off to the blonde woman and walked up to Nathan, holding out his hand.

"I'd like to thank you, for saving my son." he said with a smile. Nathan shook his hand, warily; keeping his eyes on my father's which sparkled warmly.

"It was no problem." He said averting his eyes. He was so good. Even though he did save my little brother he still thought he was lying, and he couldn't bear it. I wished I could kiss him then, and tell him that he was my hero, but that would be quite awkward under the circumstances.

"I'm Jack Dawson." He said. "And you seem to know my daughter, Lizzy." I forced myself not to blush. "What's your name?"

"Nathan-"

"Nathan Thomas." I blurted out, before Nathan could finish his name. He looked at me, puzzled and about to correct me before I dug my bony elbow into his ribs. He gasped, and rubbed his side, getting the message.

"Well, Nathan Thomas, looks like you're a good guy to have around in a sticky spot." My dad said, shaking his hand again.

"Yeah, I guess so." Said Nathan, avoiding my eyes. I would have to explain soon, before I lost his trust. But that could wait, I felt oh so tired. But before I could follow my father home, Nathan grabbed my wrist.

"Why did you do that?" I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to sleep. I looked around before I gave him a long, intense kiss to remember me by before running back after my father.

That night I felt so weak. I remember walking through the door after my father, hearing my mother's sobs as she hugged and kissed my brother. I collapsed onto the bed, falling dead asleep as soon as I reached to pillow. And suddenly I was gone.

The next thing I knew, I was outside again, in a cold, lonely night. There were people everywhere scrambling to get somewhere that I could not tell. Then I heard my name, far off into the crowd.

"Liza! Liza!" I looked around and there was Jack being hauled away by two blue uniformed men. "Liza! Don't let them take me, Liza!"

"Stop!" I cried, running across the slanting wooden floor to reach him, but just as I did a hand grabbed my arm and yanked me backwards.

"Come along, Eliza. We must get to a boat." Said Nathan firmly, only it wasn't Nathan. He wore a sleek black suit and his dark hair was slicked back and shined in the starlight. He gripped me harshly and dragged me to the into a line of people. I searched the crowd for Jack, but the men had taken him out of sight.

" You don't understand, Nathan. That's my little brother. We have to help him." I pleaded. Another blue uniformed man was helping beautifully clothed women into a small boat. Beyond that was nothing but pure darkness.

"Come, on Eliza! Get into the boat!" His voice was becoming deeper and more aggressive. He shoved me toward the man who tried to pick me up and force me into the boat.

"No!" I cried breaking his grip and dashing into the crowd, but Nathan caught me around the waist and pulled me into him.

"Please, Nathan." I said, trying to keep calm. "There will be plenty of time to catch a boat. My brother is just a boy, he needs me. I must find him." At first his baby blue eyes seemed to understand, slackening his grasp on my midsection. I turned away, but then he reeled me back in, choking me with his grip.

"Nathan, what are you doing?" I gasped, his hands around my neck, strangling me as he pushed me backwards towards the edge of the darkness. Nathan Please! I can't breathe! I cried, but it wasn't Nathan, not anymore.

I watched as his once strikingly handsome face twisted and contorted into sinister, malicious grin, his eyes turning pitch black as he rang my neck. This was not Nathan; this was a much older, much more powerful man. His nails tore at my skin and I could feel my warm blood seep down my neck.

"I do believe this ship may sink." He said, silkily, leaning me farther over the edge so I was practically hanging over the nothingness. "And you're going down with it!" His voice became the most soul crushing growl as he brought my lips to his, kissing me hard, and snatching my breath from my throat.

"Goodbye Rose." He said softly and he put his hand to my chest and threw me over the side and I hit the water with a splash, icy death filling every pore in my body.

" I can't breathe!" I bellowed, thrashing in the open water. I felt a pair of hands seize me, and drag me upwards.

"Eliza, baby. What's wrong?" It was the voice of my mother; I opened my eyes and saw the outlines of my parents face in the darkness, their brows furrowed in concern. But something wouldn't let me stop wailing. I was so cold. My whole body ached and I just wanted to cry.

"He's going to kill me!" I cried, still flailing under my sheets. "I'm going to drown!" My head throbbed so hard I thought it my burst. Mother put her hand to my forehead as my father took me in his arms.

" She's burning up!" My mother said, the terror rising in her voice.

"Noo..." I moaned. " So cold." the last thing I remember seeing was my mother's fearful eyes before I blacked out.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When I woke I found myself in a white room. I was propped up on pillows in a long hospital bed. The bright lighting killed my eyes, but I noticed mother and daddy were asleep by my side, my father reclined back in his chair while my mother's upper body was sprawled across my midsection. Jack was sitting in the back of the room, leaning on the armrest, staring at me.

"You're awake." I said, getting up and sitting at the foot of the bed, keeping his perpetual green eyes locked on mine.

"So are you." He responded.

"Jack, what happened?" I asked. "How did I get here?"

"Well, I woke up at about twelve and heard you talking in your sleep." He replied, a bit of laughter in his voice. "It was funny for a while, hearing you go on and on with someone that wasn't there." Then his face fell. " But then you started to act strange, you started moaning and begging and I got scared and went to go get Mom and Dad." His words quickened, he looked frightened. "Next thing I knew you were screaming bloody murder."

"What was I saying?" I implored.

"I don't remember." he said quietly. "All I remember is walking back into the room and seeing you slumped over in dad's arms. Your face was so...white and you were so still...I...I thought..." His lips trembled.

"And then what." I asked, pressing further.

"Mother started crying and Dad told her to go and wake up Thomas because we had to take you to the hospital, because of your fever." His brow furrowed the way our dad's did when he was trying to put something together. "On the way to the hospital, you said something. Something that made both Mother and Dad look scared.

"Was it we're all going to die?" I said. I remembered shouting that. But he shook his head.

"No. It was Cal's going to kill me. It's what you said when mother was holding you. I swear both mom and dad looked like death when you said that." Jack said. "Do you know who Cal is?"

"No. I don't remember much, not even most of my dream." I said, wistfully. "But you were there. You were being taken away in chains and I had to save you before the ship went down. And Nathan was there, he-"

"You really scared us, you know." Jack said, looking frightened still.

"Oh, Jack, you know I was only dreaming." I assured, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"I know you were dreaming." He said. "But you sure as hell didn't." I opened my mouth to retaliate when the nurse interrupted us, her tall slender form standing in the door frame.

"Miss Dawson, you really shouldn't be up." She snapped, shooing my brother off the end of the bed, smoothing out the white wool blanket.

"I feel fine now." I said, affronted. "I'll get up if I feel like it." She just sighed in exasperation.

"Miss Dawson that pond water you swam in was contaminated." She stated. "You're lucky you got away with a mild virus and not something worse, especially a girl like you." She was referring to my wiry build and ghostly complexion. I frowned.

"How come my little brother, Thomas didn't catch anything?" I snapped." I'm seven times his age and as far as I know he's quite fit.

"Babies are resilient." She muttered bitterly.

"Well so am I." I said, equally spiteful. Jack giggled and the nurse just fixed me with a withering stare that would have stopped any sane person but when it didn't work she stormed out of the room offended.

"At least now we know that fever hasn't affected your head." He laughed.

"Jack." I asked. "How difficult do you think it would be to sneak out of this hospital and go see Nathan?"

"Depends on who you're asking." He grinned.

So we had given mother and daddy the slip at the hospital, hoping that maybe we could make it back before they woke up and realized that we had escaped from them again. I felt terrible, breaking my promise to my father. But then I remembered how Nathan had acted in my dream, he had tried to kill me. I had to see his face, I had to have him hold me in his arms and make sure he was still the same Nathan I knew.

I held the brass knocker in my hands and let it thud against the heavy oak doors of the Hockley Mansion. I small red haired maid opened the door. She was pale, with sharp features and frizzy red hair similar in color to mine.

"H-how may I help you?" As soon as she looked upon me, her pupils dilated and she backed away a step, clutching her heart.

"Are you alright?" I asked, thinking it was my appearance that terrified her.

"Yes. I'm sorry." She said, in a dry voice. "It's just...you look so much like my daughter."

"Eliza has a twin?" Jack slapped his knee. "Where is she?" He asked peering over her shoulders.

"She's dead." The maid said quickly. "Died, years ago. She was just seventeen."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." The poor woman I remember thinking. Her daughter was just three years older than I, and I couldn't imagine dying so young.

"Whatever." She said coldly. "To whom do you wish to speak with?"

"May we please see Nathan Hockley?" I asked, beseechingly.

"Master Hockley is ill at the moment." She said bitterly. "I'm afraid his mother is insisting he have no visitors."

"Please Mrs..."

"Ruth." she said, a pang of sadness in her voice. "Just Ruth."

"Please, Ruth. Please, may I converse with him briefly?" The woman's sharp grey eyes met mine, as if they were magnetized. I wondered what she saw in me that reminded her of her late daughter. I wondered if maybe it was my eyes or maybe my expression that made it so painful yet so remarkable to look at me. I wished I could see what she saw.

"Very well. Come in, quickly!" She whispered, cringing as my brother's muddy brown boots met the freshly waxed foyer. She let us up a winding staircase and onto a narrow hallway. It was by far nicer than the upstairs corridor in my own home, but it didn't quite measure up to my mental image.

"This is where they sleep?" I asked her as we followed her to a closed door at the end of the cramped hallway. She shook her head.

" This is the servant's quarters. Mrs. Hockley fears that her other children may be exposed to the sickness if they are around him, so she had him moved to the gardner's bed chamber." Said Ruth, taking a key ring fastened around the sash of her apron and unlocking the door.

The room was dimly lit with an oil lamp flickering, casting ominous shadows on the peeling walls. A boy sat propped up in the metal four poster bed, reading a book. He looked up when the door opened and smiled. He looked about ready to get up but I beat him to it, pouncing on the bed and straddling his body with my legs before inflicting him with a long, passionate kiss that seemed to take his words from his mouth.

" Jeez, there are children in the room, Liza!" Jack said sarcastically, making a disgusted face before settling into a wicker chair in the far corner of the room. I slid off Nathan's body and onto the mattress, pressing my head against his sweltering skin.

" Eliza, don't do that! I'm sick!" He warned, before totally disregarding his words and catching my lips in a warm, wet kiss.

" Don't worry. I'm ill too." Rubbing his chest with my hand as he coughed. " But I had to see you." I said. " I had the most vivid, most horrible dream last night and I wanted to make sure it wouldn't happen again."

" Okay." Nathan drawled, flipping me over so I lay sprawled out over his chest. I put my hands over his flushed cheeks, blazing from fever yet so beautifully chiseled out he still looked unbelievably handsome.

" Do you feel any angst towards my brother?" I inquired. He looked over my shoulder at Jack who was pretending to read an old newspaper, growing red in the face at each remotely affectionate gesture.

" No. I barely know him. Why would I hate him?" He said locking my lips into his again, but in order to spare my brother I wriggled out of it.

" And would you ever handle me roughly or try to murder me by throwing me off a foundering ship ?" I asked feigning gravity.

" What's that supposed to mean!" he laughed out loud and started to tickle me hard under the arms and around my midsection. But then the door swung open again and a young, sleek woman with clear blue eyes was standing in the doorway looking livid.

" Nathan!" She said aghast. " What are you doing!" If her face wasn't so twisted in anger she might have been pretty with her tall, slender build and glossy dark hair swept off her neck.

Nathan pushed me off him so I landed on the floor, behind the bed, smacking my already throbbing head against the metal post. Jack rose to help me up.

"Uh, I can explain, mother." Nathan said shakily. I got up and lowered my head humbly praying that somehow he could.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I can explain Mrs. Hockley." I beseeched. The dim sunlight had just started to flood over the windows of the Hockley's grand parlor, catching the crystal chandelier overhead and sparkling. Over all it was a very stifling room, with everything shining and orderly. Even the antique end tables and long silky sofa had a silvery sheen to it. The only thing that made me feel secure was the faint crackle of embers from the hearth fire. I needed some sort of comfort in order to formulate my lie.

I was an expert at deception. I could fix a story in an instant, in the greatest amount of pressure. Seemingly everyone seemed to trust me. But only because they thought I was my father's daughter, warm and understanding. But what they didn't realize is that I had inherited my mother's talent for acting.

"I came from the hospital. You see," I explained, making my sultry green eyes wide with expression. "I'm afraid one of his school friends has caught a deadly virus. I don't recall its name but it makes your throat so sore and scabbed that it bleeds and you drown in your own blood." I said gravely. Mrs. Hockley looked horrified, her dainty white hand cupped over her mouth.

"I was afraid Nathan had caught the virus because he's sick and, well, we were just with the poor boy the other day. I was on top of him so I could look inside his throat and see if it was scarred like the other boy's was. If it was and we caught it early enough, then maybe he wouldn't have to suffer drowning like our friend." I told her, somberly.

"Y-you, you mean" She was shocked.

"Well, he's not dead yet." I stated. "But once the scars start to rupture there's no way to stop it. You're marked for death." I said forebodingly, making my eyes turn to slits, staring at the woman with all the intensity I had. "It's a horrible way to die too. You can just feel the blood gushing down your throat and once there's enough blood and you can't swallow it no more, you either choke or let fill your lungs. Awful death, shame too."

Mrs. Hockley lunged for her son, trying to hold him in her arms like and overgrown boy. He was startled but he still looked at me with the same awed blue eyes. I blushed as Mrs. Hockley sobbed into his mop of dark hair.

"There's no need to worry Mrs. Hockley." I said reassuringly. "Nathan's throat is as pink as a petal. He'll be fine."

"Thank you dear." She said calming down, wiping her wet cheeks. "What is your name, child?"

"Elizabeth Dawson." I said, using my full name instead of Eliza or Lizzy. I felt it would add some sort of class, and I was right.

"Elizabeth, what a pretty name." She said through her post traumatic tears. "Well, Elizabeth, how would you like to join our family for dinner tonight. You deserve it after all. What if Nathan had the virus, we'd never have known he was dying."

"I'd love to, Ma'am." I said, turning on my manners.

"As long as you come back with a little color in you cheeks." She said. "I don't want my husband thinking we've invited a corpse to dinner." She snapped. "And the boy may not come. I don't like the look of him." She looked sharply at Jack who was sitting cross- legged on a Victorian armchair, his scuffed boots where resting on the fabric. Mrs. Hockley flinched.

"Of course. It won't be a problem." I said. "But my brother and I must be going. We left our parents at the hospital and there probably worried sick about us. But we had to check on Nathan." I said, running my fingers through his hair, lovingly. "If anything happened to him, who would carry on the Hockley name?" Mrs. Hockley nodded and squeezed her boy. Oh, how easy it was to read rich people. All I had to do was tell them what they wanted to hear.

Jack and I made it through the hospital doors and back into my room without hindrance, thanks to Jack's excellent diversion skills. Mother and Father were still as they were when I had left them, in a peaceful sleep with Thomas in their arms.

I was released at about noon that day. My fever had broken and my muscles no longer ached as they had earlier that morning. I played dumb. I told them that I had no recollection of my fit last night and they believed me. My father even picked me up and carried me inside the house. It felt nice to know I was still young enough to be carried yet I felt strangely out of place in his arms. Like I should be in someone else's.

I lied and told them I needed to take the air with a walk around town. I went through my mother's closet in the hours previous and found an old fashioned dress made of a thin white fabric. It was long and flowing with a pale pink sash around the waist and a powder blue bodice. It didn't quite fit my rail thin figure, but it was better than what I had worn to the last party.

I tucked the long skirt into my underwear and buttoned my long black coat over it. When they asked why I was wearing such a heavy coat I claimed I still had the chills and I would be fine once I was in the sunshine. It killed me to lie to them, but I wanted more than anything for Nathan's parents to like me. But the thing is, with lying, once you start it gets hard to stop.

As I got far enough away from my house, I backed into an alley and un tucked my dress from my underwear letting it flow down and touch the asphalt.

The Hockley's maid, Ruth answered the door again. Only this time her waxen face was red and swollen like she'd been weeping. She couldn't even meet my eyes.

"Let me take you coat." She said looking down at her shaking hands as she took the black wool from my hands.

"Ruth, why are you crying?" I asked trying to hold her gaze. I felt sorry for her. I wanted to help her. The question is did she want to be helped?

"I'm not crying." She said briskly, her face hardening. "Please, step inside. There waiting for you."

I walked past Ruth warily and strode through the heavy oak doors into the Hockley parlor that I had sat in just twelve hours ago.

The twins, Rosalie and Lavinia were at the piano tapping out a meddled tune which sounded like a mixture of Jingle Bells and Beethoven's 4th. Mrs. Hockley was sitting on the couch next to her son who was still partially translucent from his illness but he still looked deathly handsome. Mr. Hockley, a tall, dark man with a wicked glare was leaning against the piano, looking down at his daughter's content faces.

They all looked over as I walked in. It must have been the light or the way my skirt trailed behind me like a bride's train because they all gazed at me like I was royalty.

"Rose." Said Mr. Hockley, staring at me in awe, his wine glass slipping from his fingers onto the carpet. His face was sheet white. I just stared at him, not even indicating yes or no. He looked like he'd seen a ghost, his cunning eyes glancing back and forth from my body to my face in disbelief.

"No, no dear." Said Mrs. Hockley, getting up and putting her hands on my shoulders. "This is Elizabeth Dawson. She was of some assistance to Nathan this morning and she's is quite a charismatic child. I thought we should invite her to dinner out of penance." Mr. Hockley just looked, analyzing me with his eyes.

"Dawson." He said, raising his thick dark eyebrows. He looked away as if working something out in his mind before looking back and smiling with his full lips. "Well, my son and I are more alike than I thought. We both have excellent taste in women." He walked over to greet me. I extended my hand for a handshake but instead he twisted my wrist up to his mouth and pecked the top of my hand gingerly with his lips. "It's a pleasure, Miss Dawson."

"Same to you, Mr. Hockley." I answer; my eyes were magnetized to his. He looked so familiar. Was this who my mother was afraid Jack and I would meet at the twins' party? He had had said her name thinking I was her. But it was strange. He looked at me as if I were a ghost. Did he not know my mother was alive?

"That dress. Where did you get it?" He asked, taking a long sip from the open champagne bottle. His question took me off guard. I didn't know men cared about such things.

"Oh. I borrowed it, from my mother." I said, warily. "It's a little old fashioned, I know." I felt my face grow hot as I felt Nathan's eyes burning holes in through my tight torso.

"Nonsense, it's lovely. Do sit." Said Mrs. Hockley, seating me next to Nathan.

"Interesting." Said Mr. Hockley, taking a seat in the armchair by the fireplace. "If you don't mind my inquiring, who are your parents?"

"Well my father is Jack Dawson, he's an artist and my mother is Rose Dawson, she's a moving picture actress." I said shyly. Something in Mr. Hockley's perilous dark eyes flickered, like he'd had some sort of epiphany. "Mr. Hockley, I heard you mention my mother's name when I came in. You thought I was her, didn't you. Do you know her?" I asked.

"I did know a Rose. Many years ago." He said, nostalgically. "And you look very much like her. But she cannot be your mother."

"How can you be sure?" I pressed, wanting to know why my mother was so nervous when I mentioned his name. Nathan grabbed my hand and squeezed, it warning me not to go on. But my curiosity was insatiable. He stared at the floor for a while, chuckling to himself, before turning to his daughters.

"How about we start the evening off with a story." He said, a bit of mischief in his haunting voice. The two little children scrambled off the piano bench and fought for an equal seat on their father's knees.

"What kind of story, Daddy? Asked Lavinia.

"Please make it a love story." Said Rosalie dreamily.

"Let me tell you the story of my first love." He said. "With a woman named Rose Dewitt Bukater…"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Cal's Story

"Did I ever tell you girls that I was a passenger on the Titanic?" Mr. Hockley asked his girls whose identical brown eyes widened in shock.

"No, Daddy you didn't!" Said Lavinia, a little hurt.

"Was it awful?" Rosalie sweetly, putting her small white hand on her father's stubble. "Did you very nearly drown?"

"Rosalie, darling, don't ask such things." Scolded Mrs. Hockley from the sofa.

"It's quite all right dear," Assured Mrs. Hockley. "And yes, Rosie I did almost meet my maker _but _we are getting ahead of ourselves aren't we?" He said in a deep, embellished tone in order to captivate the twins more. "I haven't even told you about Rose yet." He looked at me then, his deep amber eyes sizzling through me as if trying to draw something from my features, maybe even my mind to help him with his story.

"Rose Dewitt Bukater, yes." He said quietly. "A lovely thing to behold." His eyes burned holes unto mine. "Her hair was as red as a rose itself, her skin as creamy white as milk, and that smile, full and radiant, it could light up a room." I was so mesmerized by the passion in his words that I almost didn't realize the Rose he spoke of was kind of like me.

"But her beauty was not skin deep, oh no." He said with just as much exaltation as he had expressed before. "She loved Art, mostly Picasso and Monet, and Literature, Sigmund Freud was his name, she was always quoting him. And she was independent, fiery. I liked that. Plus, she had all the class and grace of a monarch. Yes she was stunning."

The twins were practically drooling, hanging on their father's every word. Even Mrs. Hockley looked a little more attentive than usual. Nathan just stared at me like it was his father who was voicing his thoughts for me and all he had to do was catch my eye for him to convey his feelings.

"We were engaged in the winter of 1911. It was a very stressful time, Rose's father had just passed away and her poor mother needed the reassurance that her daughter was going to be in a stable relationship with her father gone." he said it so formally yet, I couldn't help feeling he meant something other than stable relationship when he said it, but I was the only one who seemed to notice it.

"We were headed back to the States for our engagement gala in Philadelphia and Rose insisted we go on the finest ship in the world, the Titanic. It was Rose, her mother and I boarding the ship along with our servants of course. It was a beautiful, sunny morning, quite chilly too. I remember walking up the gangway onto the ship with Rose on my arm and how animated she was about the voyage and the engagement. I'd never seen her so excited." He said, phasing out.

"It was a lovely voyage too, luxurious, calm. The dining saloon was palatial, with the beautiful grand staircase, and exquisite oak paneling, and the large glass dome overhead, if only you could have been there!" He seemed lost in his own memory.

"Rose was as content as ever. She was such saint too. She befriended this steerage boy, even invited him to dine with us one night! If only you could have been there! What a laugh that was!" The twins and their mother laughed as did Mr. Hockley. Nathan coughed a little but didn't say anything.

"Get to the sinking Daddy!" Urged Lavinia. "What happened to Rose?"

"Well, Rose and I had a spectacular time on Titanic. We were in love." he said, nostalgically." But then, on our fourth night the ship hit an iceberg and all hell broke loose."

"Caledon!" Said Mrs. Hockley, shocked.

"Well, Madeleine, it's true. You were there as well if I recall correctly." he said, raising his eyebrows.

"You were!" Asked Rosalie, incredulously.

"A different story for different time." Interjected Mr. Hockley. "Anyways, on that night, Rose and I had fought, for a reason I can't remember. It was a stupid fight; it shouldn't have occurred if each of us had remembered our place."

"What happened?" I felt compelled to be the one to move the story along, yet I felt I knew what was going to happen already.

"Rose was reluctant to leave, we all were. No one could believe a ship as large and majestic as the Titanic would founder." His brow furrowed and his voice began to crack. "I tried to get her into a lifeboat with her mother, but she wouldn't go without me. She began to worry about the people in steerage trapped below and somehow she got away from me to try and help them escape." he messaged his chin with his thick fingers, looking on the verge of tears.

"The last time I saw her, she was running down the grand staircase into the rising water to save a steerage boy." He said with hate. "I waited and waited for her to reappear at my side so we could find a lifeboat together but-"

"Oh, Daddy." Lavinia cried, hugging him around his neck, Rosalie copied her, forcing themselves to sob so their father would comfort them.

"There, there." He crooned. "I did never see Rose again and it was heart breaking. But if it wasn't for Rose and the Titanic I would have never met your mother. And that would have been an even greater tragedy." The twins bobbed their ebony curls and wiped the tears from there rosy cheeks.

"It's just a shame that necklace was lost." Said Mr. Hockley bitterly. "I would have loved to be able to present it to the girls as a coming of age gift."

"What necklace?" Rosalie asked greedily.

"Ah, yes Le Cour de La Mer." he said, deep in his memories. "A very rare diamond. It belonged to Louie the Sixteenth." The girls' eyes lit up. "It was a gorgeous necklace, with the diamond cut into the shape of a heart. I had presented it to Rose as an engagement present on that voyage and it unfortunately was lost along with Rose."

I was suddenly lost in my own memories. I was just about four. Mother was just about to have Jack and my father was working extra hours around town to earn extra money. I was so bored that I usually found myself scavenging the house looking for something to occupy my attention. I came across the necklace while playing with my mother's makeup in my parent's room. It was hidden beneath a false bottom in my mother's dresser drawer. It was deep blue heart strung upon a chain of clustered white diamonds. It still shone despite the coating of dust. I fell in love with it as any six year would when presented with a glittery object.

My mother walked in, to call me down for lunch and saw me with the necklace cupped in my hands. She snatched it from me right away, stuffing it back inside her drawer. She scolded me and told me never to speak of it ever. And I never did, not to anyone. But I never forgot it.

"Is something wrong, Miss Dawson?" Mr. Hockley inquired, interrupting my reverie.

"No. No, I'm sorry, sir. I was just...thinking." I said, but he looked suspicious.

"Of course you were." He said." You know, you remind me so much of her, of Rose I mean."

"Thank you, Mr. Hockley." I said warily, for never had seen so much lust in someone's eyes, than I saw in Caledon Hockley's at that very moment.

After dinner that night, Mr. Hockley kept insisting that he escort me home personally. I rejected profusely but when Nathan said he'd come along I felt safer. As long as he didn't also insist on meeting my parents.

"How quaint." Mr. Hockley commented as his driver pulled up to my small two floor town house. It wasn't much, just red brick building jammed between two other tenements, but I hadn't known anything else.

"I like it." Nathan proclaimed. "It's very urban."

"I have to leave now. Thank you for the lovely evening." I said politely, giving Nathan swift peck on the cheek.

"May I meet your parents, Miss Elizabeth?"He implored."Since you are obviously involved with my son, I think it would be prudent to at least been acquainted."

"Uh..." I wanted him to meet my parents, I wanted to know why my mother was so afraid of them, but I didn't want to be caught lying again. "I sorry, I don't think it's such a good idea. It's really late they're probably quite upset with me."

"Nonsense. Nate, stay in the car. I will walk Elizabeth to her door." There was so much intent in his face I was afraid to contradict him.

Reluctantly, I stepped out of the car and shuffled toward the front door. I heard the other car door slam and heavy footsteps start to follow me, but I was too afraid to look back and beckon him forward. I could almost feel his hot breath on my neck as I knocked on the door. It felt strange not to just walk in but I suppose this is how I had to do it. The door opened and my mother appeared looking troubled.

"Eliza, you've been out an awful long time. Are you alright?" She asked, pulling me into the warmth of the foyer.

"Mother, I'd like you to meet-" I turned around looking for Mr. Hockley, but no one was there, the street was empty.

"Who?" she asked. My Dad came in looking serious.

"Mr. Hockley, he was just behind me I heard him!" I insisted, searching the road for any signs of a shadowy figure lurking in the offing, but there was none. And the car was gone.

"Jack." said my mother, fearfully, pulling me farther into the house. "Jack, go look!" My father went outside as mother pushed me through the kitchen door and sat me down in one of the chairs.

"What were you doing with him." she snapped. I could just feel the anger and upset building up inside of her, but she was holding it in for the sake of the two sleeping boys upstairs.

"Nothing." I said. "I ran into him on my walk. He recognized me from his party and decided I shouldn't walk home alone at night." I flinched at the lie that just escaped my mouth. I had never been a liar, rather a pretender. Why couldn't I just tell them the truth about Nathan? Because I loved him too much, that why.

"Please," she muttered. "Of course he just happened to be walking by when-" She stopped herself before she divulged too much information. My dad walked in, shaking his head.

"There's no one out there, Rose." He said. "Are you okay Lizzy?" He said, bending down and squeezing me like I was some four years old who just scraped her knee. That was the only thing I liked about my mother. She treated me like I was a young, very naive young woman while everyone else still seemed to think I was little Lizzy Dawson, the little red haired girl who was too scared to leave her father's side but too restless not to misbehave a little bit. I wished they could see me for me and not for who I once was.

"I'm all right, daddy. I just got a little sidetracked. I promise I won't lose track of time again." I said, knowing I really could never keep that promise either.

"What counts is that you alright. Right Rose?" My mother still had a very tense expression on her face, like she was a child just denied her right to play.

"Just stay away from Mr. Hockley from now on, am I understood?"

"Yes, mother. I will stay away from Mr. Hockley." I said. But I couldn't guarantee he'd stay away from me.

"Thank you, Eliza. Now please, go to bed. It's late." She said coldly. I opened my mouth to contradict her but my father put a hand on my shoulder, warning me to pick my battles. So I left the room, stomping halfway up the stairs and pounding my feet against the middle step so it sounded like I had gone all the way up and into my bedroom. Then I leaned against the wall for awhile listening to the clank of dishes in the wash basin before someone finally spoke.

"Do you think he knows?" Said the low, melodic voice of my mother. "About us, I mean. Do you think Eliza told him?" She sounded terrified.

"If she did, I don't think she did it on purpose." My father said earnestly. "And I don't think she knows about him either. Remember we chose not to tell them."

"Yes, I know. We told them we meat in New York. Nothing about our pasts, or how we met. And that was good enough for them. I'm happy we did it. It's saved them lot of confusion."

"I don't think it's going to work for very much longer, Rose." He said. "If you haven't noticed, Eliza isn't the little kid who listens to everything we say anymore. She starting to find things out for herself. I think we ought to tell her before she hears it from someone else." There was a crash of metal as my mother dropped a pan onto the floor.

"But what are the chances that Eliza would meet Cal in such a big city as Santa Monica! He knows, Jack. He knows we survived and he's using Lizzy to get to us, I just know it! What if something bad happens?" She said, a bit of a sob in her voice.

"Nothing bad is going to happen." Said my father reassuringly. "Eliza is a smart kid. If we tell her the Hockley's are bad news she'll stay away."

"I'm not so sure anymore, Jack. That child used to adore me so much." She said, sniffling. "Now all she wants to do is be by herself and think and draw. She never does what I tell her to anymore."

"If I remember correctly you didn't have much regard for your mother's rules either, Rose Dawson." He chuckled. "I really didn't either at that age. Let her gain her independence. We just gotta watch out for her more now that Cal's coming around, but I wouldn't worry Rose. She's a survivor like us, remember. She'll be alright."

"I hope so." Sighed Rose. The way my parents said it, I hoped so too.

A/N: I know Madeleine Astor didn't marry Cal after the Titanic sank but this is a fictional story so let's just pretend she did, with no disrespect to anyone of course. Cheers!=)- Emmy


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Something was off. I could feel it, that uneasy sensation stemming from my brain and vibrating through my finger tips. Survived, they had said. Mr. Hockley's memory was starting to make sense. But it didn't make sense.

For one thing, why would my parents not tell us they were on the famous shipwreck. They had always been so open with us our whole lives, what was the significance of not sharing their past with us? And secondly, if my mother was the Rose in Mr. Hockley's memory how is it she ended up with my father and a little baby nine months later? Was young love that superficial?

Yet so many things did make sense. The reaction I received as I walked into the Hockley's parlor. Mr. Hockley thought I was Rose, and the necklace of course. The stunning diamond necklace I had discovered as a small child being described in another man's memory of a woman who looked exactly like my mother. This wasn't a coincidence.

But I wouldn't pry, I told myself. I would find out my own way, not by pressing them till they cracked but piecing together the facts like a puzzle from the past. But first I needed the whole story from both sides.

I crept into my parents' room and opened the top drawer of my mother's dresser and dug through the blouses till my fingers touched the false bottom. I opened it and snatched the listless blue necklace from its resting place.

"Eliza, could you come here, please?" My father called from downstairs. My heart stopped at the sound of his voice. I quickly stuffed the heavy necklace in the sole of my shoe and hobbled back down the stairs trying to look as innocent and as unperturbed as I had before.

" What is it?" I asked, walking towards my father, sliding one arm around his shoulders, lovingly. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Said my father. "Your mother and I were talking, and we think you're old enough to go places on your own and we're willing to make an agreement with you."

"What do you mean agreement?" I asked warily. This all seemed too formal, they usually let my brother and I run wild as long as we were back before night fall. This was not a coming of age privilege, this was a restriction, I could already feel the cold metal chains clamping around my wrists.

"You can go where you like, around town and come back whenever you like, as long as it's not too late. But, you have to tell us what you're doing and who you're doing it with."

"Why? I said I was sorry for running off all those times. You never minded it before." I said, indignantly, directing my eyes at my mother, who looked down. "Why are you worried?"

"You know that guy, Cal Hockley?"

" Kind of." I said quietly. "He was just being nice, taking me home and all. I really don't know him."

"Well, he's not a very good guy, Lizzy. And if he comes near you or tries to talk to you, come and tell us, alright." He said patting my hair down. "Otherwise, try and stay clear of him."

"Why? How do you know him?" I asked plainly.

"We'll tell you someday, when your older. But right now you just gotta trust us. Do you trust me?"

"I trust you." I told him. But in a way, I didn't trust him at all.

The next afternoon was hot and sticky like most days in late spring. I sat under an oak tree in the school yard pretending to be totally immersed in my book, but I peered over the pages once and awhile searching the sea of hot, restless children for two familiar faces and I found them.

Two identical girls in matching pink sundresses came flouncing across the lawn. There thick, glossy hair was spiraled and pinned up with bows so the tips of their curls dusted the napes of their necks. They laid their rucksacks on a shady patch of emerald green grass and sat down on top of them, chatting away.

I advanced towards them, gripping the hard diamond behind my back as I tried to grab their attentions. They looked up at me, delighted.

"Why, Elizabeth, we were just talking about you!" Beamed Rosalie. "Do join us."

"Yes, do." Said Lavinia. " We were just discussing cotillion. Any thoughts?" I had half a mind to ask what a cotillion was, but as I was pressed for time, I needed to get to the point.

" Lavinia, Rosalie. I need you to do something for me." I said, leaning against the tree that shaded the grass.

"We don't do anything for anyone." Snapped Lavinia. "People do things for us."

"I could make it worth your while." I grinned and they both perked up.

"What do you want us to do." Said Rosalie, eagerly. Lavinia still looked unsure.

" I want you to deliver a note to your brother for me." I said leaning close to their faces. "But you must do it promptly, don't wait. And you can't read it or let anyone else read it."

"What's in it for us?" Asked Lavinia tersely.

I extended my hand out of the shadows and let the royal blue diamond slip from my fingers, dangling by its crystalline chain in front of the twins' faces, sparkling like stars in the golden sunlight.

" It's La Cour de la Mer!" Rosalie gasped, clutching her sister's arm. Lavinia just stared, stunned at the fabled necklace right before her very eyes.

"I'll give it to you." I said, tantalizingly. " If you go to Nathan right now and give him the note." Lavinia clawed for the diamond but I held it high above her head. She frowned.

"I'll give it to Nathan to give to you when I see him. But you must deliver the note first."

" Fine." Sighed Rosalie, taking the slip of paper from my other hand.

" How did you get that?" Asked Lavinia loudly, glaring at the necklace. "It's supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean."

"Let's just say Rose isn't as dead as your father thinks she is." I said smiling. Rosalie gaped at me in awe. I bet she thought I was the ghost of fair Rose. But before any of them could respond I walked away.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The day was diminishing fast. The deep gold sun was sinking below the horizon melting into the ocean. I buried my feet in the pure white sand and took a slow, deep lung full of salty sea air. Ever since I was very little I had always been drawn to the ocean. It was just so calming and peaceful, where all the horrible realities of the world seemed to wash away with the waves.

I sprawled out on the sandy earth, staring up at the dusky sky. It was lit up with colors, reds and oranges and even violets, like a watercolor painting come to life.

"You wanted to see me?" a voice called from behind. I looked over at Nathan standing at the edge of the beach, where the sand met the grassy moorland. His thin cotton shirt hung loose and his dark hair was not slicked back but blew around his face in the sea breeze.

"You look strange." It was the only thing I could think to say. He grinned.

"Bad strange?" He asked, sitting down beside me.

"No, just different." I stared right into his eyes, the exact color of the surf. Nathan looked away out to sea. His eyes studied the open ocean.

"Why did you want to meet me here?" He asked.

"Well, I was just thinking how much I love you, Nathan. And then I realized I've known you what three days and I hardly know anything about you." Nathan looked back at me, putting his hand on my shoulder and pulling me close to him.

"Why should that matter?" He said. "People can live their whole lives with a person and never really know them. But I? I've known you for less than a week and I already know that you're the person I belong with." I still wasn't satisfied.

"It still feels wrong." I sulked. "Just let me ask a few questions, please?"

"It's not the questions I'm afraid of, it's my answers."

"Then think before you speak." I said firmly.

"Then can I ask you something?" He implored

"Go ahead."

"Why here?" He asked, surveying the deserted beach.

"Because it's lovely." I stated. "And it's not here we'll be staying, it's there." I pointed to a rocky ledge at the end of the shoreline. Waves crashed on its jagged edges and upon its uneven surface was a small, self constructed shack made of driftwood.

"Is that safe." He asked nervously.

"No." I answered simply. "But that's why it's fun."

"Well it won't be if one of us slips on those rocks and dies." He said animatedly. I kissed him lightly on the lips, pulling away before he could ask for more.

"I'm not afraid. I am with you." I got up and started walking towards the cliffs, not looking back. Nathan ran up and snatched my hand and then we were racing towards the rough outcropping, nothing but the wind to hold us back.

Once I managed to clamor up the rocks, I sat on its slick surface and discarded my clothes until all I wore was my thin, silky slip that cut my long, muscular legs mid thigh. I hopped along the jagged rocks until I reached the edge of the precipice, where just below me the white crested waves licked the sides of the black stone as if threatening to swallow it whole.

"Hey, be careful." Nathan came up behind me. His arms slid around my waist and pulled me away from the edge. I looked at him starry eyed and unwrapped his hands from my waist and stepped out onto the edge again, focusing my eyes on the brilliant one great motion I leapt to the very tip of the outcropping and flung my arms out like a bird about to fly.

"What are you doing?" Nathan cried, reaching out to me. "You're going to fall!" I stepped down and looked at Nathan quizzically.

"Haven't you ever flown before?" I asked. When he didn't answer I went on explaining. "My dad and I used to come here all the time when I was younger. He taught me how to swim here and he even built me that little hut back there as my playhouse." I told him. "One day, when I was about four, he took me up here and showed me how to fly. He just held me right over the ocean and told me to close my eyes and put my arms out and I would be flying. And it actually felt like I was flying!" I laughed, remembering the feeling of the wind in my hair and the sound of my father's voice that day.

"Why don't you come here anymore...with him I mean?" Nathan asked. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and he sat down next to me, gripping my hand.

"Things change. People change." I sighed."Jack was born, then Thomas and somehow my voice got lost in all of theirs. We still come here, of course. During the summer when there's no school, but we just play in the sand so mother can keep an eye on the boys. I can't even remember the last time I took a dive off these cliffs."

"You jumped." He said, looking over the edge at the churning ocean water.

"Well, my daddy was always waiting down below to catch me, but yes I jumped." I said. "I wasn't afraid of anything when I was younger."

"How about now?"

"Now I'm afraid of everything." I smiled. Nathan gave a quick laugh and stared out to sea again, looking lost in thought. The dying sunlight lit his face in shades of warm red and gold. He didn't look real.

"Nathan, can I draw you?" I found myself asking without even thinking it first.

"What?" He said, knitting his eyebrows together and gazing at me. His eyes were a shadowy purple in the light.

I reached for my rucksack sitting in a crook in the rock and pulled out my sketch tablet and handed it to him. He flipped through the drawings, mostly of my mother and brothers. His eyes lingered over certain features like the eyes and the lips which I loved drawing so much. I loved to study people, to really look at them. You could learn so much about a person just by the way they smiled or frowned.

"These are amazing." he said quietly, handing back the sketch book. "So you want to draw me." I pointed to a piece of slanted flat rock.

"Sit over there." I ordered, pulling out my graphite pencils. "Look out at the ocean and nowhere else. Oh, and take your shirt off." I said, contently and to my surprise all he did was flash me a sly grin and pull his shirt over his head, revealing his hard, marble chest.

"Just sit like you normally would." I told him, trying to look unaffected by his bare skin. "Let your elbows rest on your knees. Don't smile, look serious. And whatever you do, don't move your head." He gave a slight jerk of his head in comprehension but kept staring out at the ocean. It was studying him that I realized how much he had changed since I met him, or maybe it was my perspective that had changed. He was much less boyish than I remembered and more rugged adolescence. While some of his features reflected his childhood, like his smile and his large blue eyes others were that of a man's, like his hands and his chin. His overall physical appearance lingered between the two.

"You're allowed to talk, you know." I said, roughly bringing out his face with my pencil. "Tell me about yourself."

"Well, I was born in Philadelphia on March 6, 1913. Uh, I spent most of my life there and some at our home on the Hudson. My sister's were born in 1918 and we moved to California for Lavinia's health."

"What's wrong with her?" I asked, sculpting out his cheekbones with my fingers.

"Aw, nothing a nice long stay in a mental institution couldn't fix." I laughed. "No, she's just a little dramatic is all. She caught the chicken pox last winter and it really scared my mother to see her beautiful little girl's face all scarred. I wanted to tell her not to worry because she has another one with the exact same face but...she insisted we move to a warmer climate after that."

"And what about your dad?"I asked. "Did he tell you anything more about the Titanic or Rose Dewitt Bukater?"

"No. He could tell my mother was getting upset by all this Titanic talk, so he left it at that." He said. "But he did seem to like you an awful lot." He remarked. "He keeps telling me how much you remind him of Rose."

"I just hope that's a good thing." Nathan nodded, keeping his eyes on the sea.

"I did hear him mumble something though," He added. "We left in such a rush after he walked you in, he seemed so angry almost. I think I heard I'm say _she's alive_ but maybe I was just hearing things

Nathan's words confirmed it: _She's alive. _He had disappeared so quickly when my mother appeared at the door, then my father tells me to stay clear of him because he's a bad guy. Mr. Hockley did not seem like a particularly notorious character and nor did I want to believe it. It was my mother, I was sure of it. I was so sure that she had been engaged to Cal on the Titanic and that something made her fake her death to be rid of him. I was so sure that I wanted to go and confront her right this instant but my body didn't want to move.

"Here it's done." I said, shakily, handing him the sketch pad. It wasn't my best work, but the news had shocked me so much my hands could no longer keep steady. I still managed to capture his likeness in the hunched figure on the paper.

"Thank you." he beamed, leaning in and capturing my lips in his. A warm, lusty feeling ravaged my body. I wanted him, I needed him. No matter who his father was; he was different than him and I would always love him. "I've got something for you too." He reached for his coat and unwrapped two bottles filled with amber liquid from its fabric.

"But the Prohibition?" I asked him quizzically, not really minding he was breaking the law but more questioning how he got it.

"My father always says, when you're wealthy the rules don't apply." He smirked, handing me one of the bottles.

"Or maybe the rules do apply; maybe it's just easier to get away with them when you have the money to buy the cops off."

"Touché." Nathan shrugged. He tried to bite his cap off with his teeth. I rolled my eyes and snatched the liquor from his hands and smashed the end of the bottle on the rocks and handed it to him before too much alcohol spilled out. I did the same, cracking it against the stone and slurping the foam from the top. I winced and squinted my eyes at the harshness of the drink. It burned the inside of my mouth and I had to force myself to swallow.

Nathan took a swig of his whiskey and sighed with content. Being well bred, he must have a better taste for these things than I had and I didn't want to seem like a child, so I made myself take another gulp of hard liquor. I shuddered.

"You cold?" Nathan asked, taking his jacket and putting it around my bare shoulders. I nodded, taking another swallow of alcohol which now lay thick upon my tongue.

"Come on, I want to show you my play house." I took his hand and led him down the cliff to where the little shanty house stood among the tall weeds, dilapidated and graying with age. It was dark inside, it still smelled the same though, like seaweed and decay. Scattered across the sandy bottom were the remnence of my childhood: Assorted sea shells, a wooden sail boat, and a rag doll, ruined by the sea lay propped against the thin walls. On them my father had tacked all the little pictures I had made of the ocean and flowers and even my family, the last one being one of my mother and him with baby Jack and I. That was the last time we were here together. Before our lives turned so hectic we never had time to be together. My heart sank. I took another long sip of whiskey.

"I like it." Nathan said, walking the perimeter of the small hut. "It's quiet here. You can barely hear the waves even." I drained the bottle and dropped in on the floor, looking around the room at the blur of colors; everything was spinning.

"Eliza, Are you okay?" He said shaking my shoulder gently. I groaned and nodded, but truthfully, I didn't know if I was okay or not. A heavy fog had settled on my thoughts making it impossible to think clearly. Everything seemed lopsided. I felt ill, dizzy. I needed to lie down.

I slumped to the floor, dragging Nathan down with me.

"Seriously Eliza." He said taking my shoulders trying to gain eye contact, but my eyes could not focus on just one place, there were too many. "It's late anyways. I can take you home, come on." He tried to lift me up, but I refused.

"I told my parents I would be staying overnight at my friend Ginny's house." I slurred. "We have all night." Nathan ran his fingers through his dark hair, looking irritated.

"That's great, that just great." He mumbled. "Your drunk and you can't go home."

"I'm not drunk." I said, digging my nails into the floor which felt like it was slipping out from beneath me.

"Sure you're not." He groaned. "I knew the whiskey was a bad idea." I frowned and pulled him onto his back so he too was sprawled out on the dirt floor, staring up at the ceiling.

"Please, stay with me tonight." I said.

"I guess I have to. My mother's going to murder me." He moaned.

"We don't have to think about that." I said, dreamily. It was like my mind was slipping in and out of consciousness; between the real world and dreamland to the point where I couldn't really tell what was real and what was not. Perhaps Nathan wasn't real. Which is why I wasn't at all taken aback when this happened:

"I love you, Eliza." He whispered softly. He was so close to me now. I could almost hear his heart beating in his bare chest.

"I love you too." I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the waves lapping against the beach and the sound of my blood pulsing in my veins. It resounded in my head which was starting too heavy to lift. I took his hand in mine and played with his fingers, he watched me intently. Suddenly the words appeared in my mind but they weren't even mine. "Put your hands on me, Nate."

He answered, kissing me so hard it took my breath away. He grabbed my sides and I sank down beneath him under his welcome weight.

A/N: This was so very hard to write, I hated doing it. I am not a very romantic type of person but I couldn't figure out what else to do. So, sorry times 5,000.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When I opened my eyes the next morning, the sunlight was blinding. It seared my eyes like knives. My head was throbbing and I could barely focus my eyes on one spot. I groaned. Maybe the government was right. Alcohol should be forbidden.

It makes people do stupid things, I thought to myself as I untangled my bare limbs from Nathan's. He stirred but did not open his eyes. I surveyed his sleeping form from topped to bottom. His thick dark hair was matted around his face, soaked with sweat. He wore his trousers at least, but they sagged loosely around his waist belt buckle undone like they had been put on in a hurry, maybe just before falling asleep. I wore only my slip but either I or Nathan had flung his jacket over me as I slept.

I couldn't remember much. I remembered the drawing and my epiphany about my mother. I knew now Mr. Hockley hadn't been fantasizing when he told the story about his fiancée Rose and him on the infamous Titanic. I believed him and I believed the Rose he was referring to was my mother.

But after we stumbled into the little shanty hut my memory became hazy. I was sure we had done something wrong though. Why else would I have this sinking feeling in my gut? The feeling I usually got after I had misbehaved. I hated myself, I hated Nathan.

I remembered more about last night than I liked to admit and I did not want to be here when Nate woke up. I had been the drunken one, not him. He surely remembered everything and I just didn't want to hear it.

I got up and collected my things: my shoes, my backpack among other things littered across the sandy floor. The drawing lay beside Nathan and I couldn't help but lament that I had been too distracted to finish it properly. So bothered in fact I snatched off the floor and stuffed in my bag to work on later.

I was about to leave when I remembered my bargain with the twins. They didn't deserve any reward for the night; in my eyes was a complete disaster. Not only did I learn little to nothing about my mother and Caledon Hockley but I ended up getting smashed and losing my virginity inside my old playhouse. But if I went back on my word they might tell their parents all about the necklace and where Nathan was last night and I couldn't have that. Luckily, I had formed a loop hole.

I had told them they could keep the heart of the ocean, but I didn't say which heart of the ocean. Around my neck hung the silver locket my parents had given me for my first Christmas. It was a cheap piece of heart shaped metal that I had worn around my neck since as far back as my memory goes. To me, it was always this annoying thing that choked me when I slept and got tangled in my wild curls during playtime. But to my parents it was a symbol of their hard earned money that very first year together. It even had my initials engraved on it; E.O.D, Elizabeth _Oceane_ Dawson.

I went down to the churning ocean, opened the locket and filled the tiny indent with clear salt water in case Nate hadn't bothered to tell them that my middle name was a French name meaning ocean, which was probably so. I dropped the cold, silver locket into his palm, before closing his hand with my own and kissing his knuckles. His eyes flickered open, and he just looked at me and smiled a smile that melted the regret from hear. But I couldn't stay.

"Bye, Nathan." I whispered softly. Then I turned and left without another word.

The house looked dark from the outside, but as I opened the door and crept quietly in I heard the faint crackle of a hearth fire burning in our tiny living room and I tiptoed over to investigate.

The warm glow of the fire cast long shadows in the otherwise dark living room. The outline of a figure was etched upon the adjacent wall, sitting hunched over in the armchair with a cup of coffee in his hands. My father was awake. Just as I turned to go up to my bedroom the floorboard I had so naively shifted my weight on let out a low moan and my father turned around and saw me standing in the doorframe.

"Lizzy what are you doing here?" He said holding out his hand and gesturing for me to come closer. His voice was not angry. It was never angry. In fact, I cannot even recall a time where my father ever raised his voice to me or to anyone in fact. He even seemed glad to see me. "I thought you were staying the night over at Ginny's." He smiled probably picturing my stocky smart mouthed friend in his mind.

"I was." I told him, trying to mask my guilt with my expressive eyes. "But I guess I got homesick. I came home as soon as I woke up. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it okays. Come 'ere." He laughed motioning for me to come sit with him. I did so, reluctantly. I felt awkward nestling my narrow shoulders under his arm and swinging my legs around so they rested across his lap. this is the way we used to sit at night, before Jack or Thomas's time. I'd curl up next to him by the fire and he'd tell me story after story, mostly about his childhood and his time in Europe and some fictional ones too like Peter Pan or one he made up for me about a poor boy and a rich girl falling in love on an ill fated ship. But at the tender age of six I couldn't really tell the difference between what was real and what pure imagination was and would ramble on about the characters all night as if I actually knew them. This would last for hours even, until I fell asleep in his arms and that was the way it always had been, at least until Jack came along.

"Did you at least have fun?" My father asked squeezing me lovingly.

"Uh...I guess so." I stammered, looking away from the fire as to not show him my blushing cheeks. I felt guilty sitting here acting like an innocent child when what I done just hours ago was anything but innocent. But I let myself breathe knowing he could never find out, for last night would stay between me and Nathan and no one else. Hopefully.

Part of me wished I could take it back, not just the other night but this whole Nathan thing. Maybe if we just hadn't gone to that party this never would have happened; I would not have lied so many times, I wouldn't have slept with someone at fourteen and most of all I wouldn't have caused so much worry over my interactions with Mr. Hockley and maybe my mother wouldn't be so cross with me. I just wanted to be a little girl again.

The stronger piece of me did not regret it at all though. I was coming so close to uncovering something about my beloved mother that I couldn't have conjured up in my wildest of daydreams. Something in her long forgotten past that altered her life forever. I was so close to finding the truth I could very nearly taste the bitter sweetness on my tongue. But in order to find the truth I had to keep going and not fall back to the sweet ignorance world I had so happily lived in before. Now was the time to grow up but in order to do that I needed a piece of my childhood back.

"Daddy, let's say you and me and mother and the boys go and have a picnic on the beach like we used to?" I implored. "I could help Mamma cook and everything and we could spend the afternoon there?"

"Well it's up to your mother but I don't see why not." He said.

"Good." I sighed. "And daddy, could you take me and Jack up to that cliff we used to jump off of and go flying like we used to."

"I can't believe you remember that." he mused. "You were so young when I first took you up there. I remember Rose almost didn't let me do it you were so small."

"I remember everything." I told him. "So can we?"

"Sure." He said.

"Good." I said, burying my face in his shoulder, feeling like a six year old again.

That day could have easily have passed for the best day of my life. Not only did we have a picnic on the beach but Jack and I raced up onto that outcropping like Nathan and I had just a day before only this time we jumped into my father's arms down below.

We even patiently played in the sand with baby Thomas and this time Thomas did not wail or kick when I tried to hold him, he giggled that sweet high baby giggle. We built sand castles and played pirates using sticks of driftwood as swords and my father had brought a surprise for us. It was a camera and he had us all pile on top of our mother who lay sprawled out in the sand and make our funniest face for the picture.

And at the end, when the sun was dipping below the horizon just as it had the day before, my father and I snuck away from the group onto the outcropping once more and he held onto my waist as I stood at the very edge of the cliff and flew against the sea breeze. It was the best day ever…until we got home.

It was nearly time for bed that evening. My mother and father sat on the sofa with Thomas fast asleep in their arms as Jack and I sat in the armchair while I helped him read the story Peter Pan which he had never even heard of before. I had finally captured Jack's elusive attention and I wasn't letting go until we'd finished the story.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mother, who I thought was silently dozing off in the sofa beside me, reach over and grab my bag from its place beside the fire. Jack looked at me puzzled as I watched her prod open the flap of my rucksack and look inside, right in front of me like I wasn't even there.

"Eliza keep reading." Jack ordered sleepily as he followed my gaze to my mother's prying eyes. they got wider as my eyes filled with animosity directed at my mother for going through my things. My _private_ things. But I kept my vexation bottled in until she pulled out a slightly wrinkled piece of paper, studied it for awhile and then looked at me with her own blazing stare.

"Eliza who is this?" She said, letting me see my own half stark drawing of Nathan. My father looked over as well and I felt my stomach dropped about a thousand feet. The drawing was signed and dated which meant she would know that I had lied about where I was last night.

"It's nobody." I said. "I go to the beach sometimes by myself. That's just some boy I decided to draw yesterday afternoon. I was bored."

"Really because he looks quite posed." She said pointedly, her voice becoming much higher and much bitterer.

"Well it's not like I asked him to take his shirt off." I snapped, returning my focus to the book as not to show any guilt.

"Jack." She said, turning to my father. "Why don't you get the boys ready for bed?"

"Sure." he answered. He was not curious or vexed by my more or less provocative drawing, mostly because he knew I was an artist like him and there for he thought an artist should be entitled to what and who they draw. Besides, judging from his art he'd be hypocrite if he was.

I watched as he scooped a drowsy Thomas into his arms. I tried to grab hold of Jack as to make him stay but he was too quick and got up and followed my father out of the room before I had the chance.

Once we were alone, my mother took her fiery stare off the empty stairwell and directed it straight towards me, throwing daggers with the sheer anger in her eyes.

"Elizabeth, I want the truth." She said in a low harsh voice. "Who is this boy?"

"Why, do you recognize him?" I said tauntingly.

"I'm being serious, Elizabeth. How do you know him?" She said, her voice was growing more hoarse and dangerous.

"Why do you want to know?" I yelled, my horrible temper rearing its ugly head. Everything was going so well until now. Why did she have to know, or did she already know something?

"Because I'm your mother and you have to listen to me! Now who is it!"

Something must have snapped inside me, for my body filled with so much rage so fast I couldn't contain it. _"I'm your mother you have to listen to me!"_ I didn't have to listen to anyone one, my mind fumed. I wanted to send her through the roof, I wanted to make her so mad she'd explode.

"His name is Nathan Hockley and I drew his portrait last night at the beach." I said through gritted teeth. "And after that we went down to that stupid little shack Dad built and we did it, happy!" I said it just loud enough so she'd know it was meant to sting without the males upstairs hearing what I had to say.

It took her a while to process what I said. Her thick eyebrows knitted together and her lips unparsed in her thought process. In, fact she was just about to inquire what I we did when it hit her like an incoming wave. She looked startled and hurt.

"But you're just fourteen." She said, her brow still furrowed trying to take in the news with as much composure as possible but she just couldn't fathom it. "You don't know…"

" That didn't stop us." I muttered as she stared at her hands hard, still processing.

"Why?" She asked, her voice cracking. I could've told her what really happened. That I was inebriated and didn't know what I was doing but I was still so incredibly angry that that answer didn't seem harsh enough.

" Because I wanted to." I growled with satisfaction. "And I liked it, too." I said victoriously which seemed to hurt her even more. Her face grew pale and I heard her whisper something like _"It's happening all over again."_ Quietly to herself. She was silent for a while and when she spoke again I found myself wishing I could recant everything I had just said.

"You do realize I will have to tell your father about this." She said solemnly like it was more a duty than a privilege.

"I don't care!" I spat. But I did care, so much I was prepared to stick a knife in my heart to spare myself the look on my father's face as he took the news.

"Good." She said vacantly. "So when he comes down shall I tell him or will you do the honors?"

"You do it." I said forcefully, stomping towards the door. "But I won't be here when you do!" And before she could stop me I fled out the door and into the night.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The rage cleared from my head as I ran out all my animosities racing down the length of the street and stopping at the street corner. I leaned against a red brick wall, panting and sweating out my anger. Night had fallen over Santa Monica. The street lights cast threatening shadows along with the stars that shown faintly over head. The moon was missing from the velvety sky.

The street was deserted except for the occasional car that would rumble past, kicking up a slight breeze that rippled my loose hair and filled my pores with cool, smoky night air. It relieved my sore head that throbbed from my extreme fury and from the hot tears that began to roll down my cheeks.

I never thought of myself as a short tempered person, I thought of myself not unlike my father, calm and easygoing. But something in my mother's voice when she was interrogating me set me off. If I had just lied, but I had wanted to make her hurt, I wanted to make her see I wasn't some naive little girl who hasn't a clue. I regretted it now so strongly I felt my heart would burst from sheer remorse. I couldn't even fathom my father's reaction when she told him but one thing I knew for sure. He would never look at me the same way again.

I sat on the sidewalk for a long while, heaving and sobbing silently, wishing I could take it all back. I wanted to be at home with my family, not out here all alone in the dark. I looked around the dark street thinking of the other night when Mr. Hockley had seemingly evaporated into the air while walking me to my door the other night. Remembering my awe and my mother's fear made my eyes grow wide and I began to search the alleys for someone who may be lurking in the offing.

I straightened up at the sight of a dark figure moving across a pool of lamp light before dissolving into the darkness once more. My heart began to thump furiously. It's not safe out here. _Do something, go somewhere_. I thought of Nathan and my father. I had never known my father's anger. What if it was greater than expected? What if mother told him Nate's real name and he came after him? I will go to Nate, I decided firmly.

I got from my place and began to walk confidently down the street. I knew the way, it was easy enough. Just take the main street all the way down and take the last side street that led out to the field land. The Hockley's Mansion was the first old manor on the right.

But as I began to walk hurriedly along the narrow asphalt street, I began to feel uneasy as I looked at the long dark stretch of road I had ahead, filled with assumed night lurkers of all sorts, perhaps even kidnappers, just waiting for a vulnerable little girl to amble by.

I quickened my pace, concentrating on the road ahead of me, not daring look to my sides in fear of seeing something that would scare me back to my house. But then my spine began to feel tingly like someone was standing close behind me, breathing down my neck and I began to hear faint footsteps behind me, growing ever louder.

I stopped; listening to the air and the sound of my labored breathing, and listen to the footfalls fade to a halt. I felt him behind me, standing in a few feet away, waiting for me to commence walking. So I did, and he did also.

And then I began to run.

I pounded my fists on the thick oak doors, screaming Nathan's name to anyone who would listen. The frosted windows still glowed in the darkness and I knew someone was still awake at this hour. I was sure I had lost whoever was chasing me before, but the fear and the panic of the chase had not left me yet and I worried that he might catch up to me eventually.

The maid, Ruth answered the door looking weary and exasperated as ever. Narrow grey eyes widen at the sight of me, windswept and panting.

"What in the world!" She said, bewildered. "Miss Elizabeth do you realize what time it is."

"Someone...is chasing me. He is going to catch me. My dad's gonna kill Nathan. Please...I must speak to him." I gasped. She grabbed me under the arm and yanked me through the doorway, searching the front yard with her cold, hawk-like eyes before shutting the heavy doors and locking them.

"The children are all in bed and I'm afraid Mrs. Hockley would not approve of me waking them at such an hour and I must ask you to calm down before you wake them." She said disapprovingly. "However, if you are in danger I can wake Mr. Hockley and tell him to assist you."

"I just need Nathan, Please." I looked at her, my eyes glazing over with fear and desperation. Something in her cold, pale eyes seemed to melt and she sighed, her perfect posture sagging.

"Very well, I will try." She said primly, her thin lips crooking into a slight smile. Her eyes lingered on my face for a moment, her eyes vague and yet full of intense emotion. But when she noticed me watching her she turned to stone again.

"Why don't you go wait in Mr. Hockley's study." She suggested coldly. "There's always a fire burning in there so you'll be warm while you wait."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much!" I groveled as she ushered me into the study and slamming the door shut behind her without another word.

My heart rate slowed at the sound of the fire crackling, it reminded me of home. His study had a very masculine feel, with the large dark wood desks, shelves of worn, musty books, and the overpowering smell of scotch and cigars in the air. There was a small wooden door on the opposite wall, light streaming out from the crack beneath the door. Suddenly I remembered coming through this door the day I met Nathan, through the wine cellar. I smiled and giggled to myself, thinking of the devilishly handsome Mr. Hockley drowning his troubles in his illegal scotch late at night.

I walked in front of the hearth putting my hands to the flickering flames, thinking of what I would tell Nathan when he came in. How would I tell him that I had divulged our darkest secret to my mother on purpose? I felt like a slut.

My heart jumped as the floorboards moaned behind me and I had to force myself not to run to Ruth. It just the wind, or one of the twins tricking me, I told myself. No need to fret right now. The doors were locked, the windows shut and no angry fathers had come pounding at the door. Yes, I'm okay.

At least that's what I thought, until a hard blow from behind knocked me out cold.


	11. Chapter 11: Back to Titanic

**A/N: This is a dream! Just thought I'd make that clear. It's not exactly like the scene from the movie, it can't be, but I tried to make it close. Its just one chapter as to not to make it confusing. Peace! **

**Chapter 11**

**Back to Titanic**

**The last thing I remember from the former world was buckling to the floor and hitting my head yet again on the corner of the fireplace. The pain seered my temples but soon that was replaced.....by overwhelming cold.**

**I opened my eyes and the study and the fireplace had disappeared. In its place was a long corridor, flooded with icy cold knee deep water. I shuddered violently surveying myself, cold and pale under a pink coat and the same thin white dress I had worn to the Hockley's dinner party.**

**The white hall was logged with water and floating bits of possesions left to drown. And through the silent echo of the rising water was a voice.**

**"Help!" It cried faintly. "Can somebody hear me!" That voice strained and hollow over the slosh of water, sounded a lot like Nathan's.**

**"Nate!Nate!" I screamed, surprised at how hoarsely it came out.**

**"Eliza!" It screamed back. I kept moving through the dense water toward the growing echo of Nate's voice until I came to the room where it seemed to be issuing from. I pushed the door open with great effort and saw Nathan standing in the water logged room, chained to a pipe.**

**"Nate! Oh, Nathan what did they do to you?" I cried hugging and kissing him around the neck. Who did this to him? **

**"Eliza." He took the sleeves of my coat so that I faced him and our eyes met. His eyes looked so different. They were more green then blue. " How did you know I didn't do it?"**

**"Do what?" I asked confused. He didn't answer, he justbeamed at me.**

**"Nothing." He sighed. "Listen, Eliza, You're gonna have to find a spare key, alright? Look in that cabinet right there." he pointed his free fingers to a little glass cabinet mounted on the wall. I sloshed over to it and flung open the doors, frantically. "It's a little silver one, Liza."**

**My hands flew to each little key hanging compacently on there hooks.**

**"Silver." I gasped. "These are all brass ones!" I cried hopelessly.**

**"Check right here, Eliza." He kicked a wooden desk that was beginning to displace its self due to the rising water. I searched the drawers, clawing at there contents. No luck.**

**"No key! There's no key!" I looked around at Nate, worriedly.**

**"Listen, Eliza. You're gonna have to go and find some help. It'll be alright." He assured. I pushed past the submerged furniture and threw my arms around him kissing him hard like I never would again.**

**"I'll be right back." I breathed, as I turned around and dissolved into the waterfilled corridor, not knowing if I would ever come back.**

**The water welled up around my waist as my legs struggled to fight the current. I didn't know how I got here or where here was. But important thing, I was here and so was Nathan. And he would drown if I didn't set him free.**

**All these corridors with there narrow white walls looked the same and I knew if anyone were down here with us, they would be screaming. So the first flight of stairs I saw dashed for them and clamored up there slick steps.**

**"Hello! Hello! Is anyone down here?" I called into the silent halls, running the lengths of the narrow passages over and over again. "We need help! Hello?" I cried into an empty side hallway. No answer.**

**"Damn it!" And I went racing down another one trying to decide which way to go while still making haste. "Can anybody hear me, please? Hello? Hello?" My voice was cracking, becoming more desperate with each cry. I leaned against the wall, panting, trying to regain control of my breathing. The lights dimmed and died, my heart pounding more rapidly as the corridor grew dark. But I was thinking only one thing. Where the hell was I?**

**There was a great moan of distressed metal and the lights came back on. And I heard footsteps coming down the hall and around the corner.**

**"Hello?" I asked weakly.**

**"Ah, miss, you shouldn't be down here now." Said a white uniformed man carrying life jackets. **

**"I need your help." I said in desperation. But the man ignored my plea and instead took me by the arm and pulled me along with him in the opposite direction.**

**"We'll get you topide. This way, quickly."**

**"There's a boy down here, He's trapped."**

**"This way. There is no need to panic." He said, looking at me like I was crazy.**

**"Please! No, I'm not panicking! You're going the wrong way!" I cried, trying to break free of his grip. "Let go of me! Listen!" He stopped and turned to me just before the lifts and without thinking I jabbed him in the nose with my fist.**

**He staggered back into the lift with the force of the punch, clutching his bloody nose.**

**"To hell with you." He said, and he disappeared back around the corner. I whipped around and saw an axe sitting in a glass case mounted on the wall. I reacted instictively, smashing the glass in with my already bruised fist and snatching it from its hook, before submerging myself yet again into the almost neck deep water. The things I did for love.**

**"Nate! Will this work?" I asked holding the axe above the water.**

**"I guess we'll find out. Come on." He exposed the short linked chain that held him to the pipe, streching it across its width. I choked up on the axe like I would a base ball bat, holding it as firmly as I could in my trembling fingers. I measured it first placing the blade of the axe to the chain before giving a swift hard swing directly in the middle. There was a lound pang of metal and Nate's hands were free. Nathan laughed, hugging and kissing my forehead.**

**"Come on. Lets go. Oh, shit this is cold!" He cringed as he met the water.**

**"Nate where are we? Whats happening?" I asked as we escaped into the flooded hallway. He chuckled, exhausted.**

**" In case you haven't realized, this ship is sinking." I stopped dead, stunned. Wasn't the dream I had the night I got sick about a sinking ship? Nate stopped moving to resting his forehead against mine. His breath was warm ans sweet on my face. "But don't worry. We're gonna get outta here." He took my hand and helped me through the water, confidently. I wished I was as sure we were going to make it out as he was.**

* * *

**When we finally stumbled onto the upper decks, it was like I was reliving my dream. There were people everywhere, dressed in strange attire running and screaming. Thick accented male voices rang out above their cries, demand order and shooting bullets into the air. It was chaos.**

**"The lifeboats are gone!" My eyes searched the empty davits and then aft for a sign of a significant crowd of people around a boat.**

**"There's got to be some left still. Come on. This way!" He gripped my hand and we ran forward up the deck pushing through the jumble of people. As we rudhed past I could have sworn I heard violins strumming out a familiar tune. How brave whoever was playing them was, not even concerned for his life.**

**As we came to a crowd around a lifeboat, Nate put his arms around me, to try and calm me in the midst of this hysteria. I looked down at the bow, the ocean spilling over its sides, drowning it with it s power. I looked up at the officer, pointing his gun at the starry sky and firing it over again, threatning deathas if he was almighty effing god. Wh was I kidding, we weren't getting out of hear alive. At least not nate.**

**"I'm not going without you." I told him, clutching the sleeves of his shirt.**

**"No. You have to go, now."**

**"No, Nate."**

**Get on the boat, Elizabeth." He said, pushing me toward the officer.**

**"No, Nate."**

**"Yes, get on the boat." he said even louder, taking my arms and shoving me towards the thinning crowd.**

**"Yes, get in the boat, Elizabeth." Suddenly, Nathan's father materialized beside them, looking ragged and dark. "My god, look at you. You look a fright. Here." He elbowed his son aside and took off his overcoat, putting it around my shoulders. He began to stroke my hair and nathan pulled me toward him protectively.**

**"Go on. I'll get the next one." He told me, turning away from Mr. Hockley.**

**"No, not without you."**

**"It'll be alright. Listen, it'll be fine." He pulled me closer to him, I clutched the straps of his suspenders, looking him in the eye. "I'm a survivor, all right? Don't worry about me." But I did worry about him, every day of my life. "Now go. Get on."**

**"I have an arrangement with an officer on the other side of the ship." Mr. Hockley leaned forward and told me in a low tone. "Nathan and I can get off safely. Both of us." I believed him. Why shouldn't I? He was nate's father after all, he should care about his safety. Yes, Nate would be fine.**

**"See. I got my own boat to catch." Nate said with a cock of his head. "Go."**

**"Come on, hurry. They're almost full." Mr. Hockley laughed nervously. I stared at him warily. But before I could press on him the officer grapped my wrist putting one huge arm around my waist. He lifted me up off my feet and up to the railing. Nate put a hand on my back to help me in. **

**We gripped each others hands one last time as I settled into my place in the lifeboat. And for some reason it felt like a goodbye touch. A goodbye forever touch.**

**"And lower away!" There was a great jerk and then the boat began to drop steadily. Everything around me seemed to be going in slow motion. Women waving farewell to their husbands and little children weeping as they departed from their fathers.**

**I watched as Nate and his father watched me fall, there faces still encouraging and serious at the same time. Mr. Hockley murmered something to Nate and I watche as the silent conversation progressed until Nathan expression turned somber and then he looked down at me and nodded reassuringly.**

**It was then, watching his handsome light up with the glow from the bursting fireworks and seeing the sparks from them rain down in the background, that I knew I'd never see him again. That for some insane reason his father would survive and he would not. And it was then I decided if he was going down, I was going down with him.**

**I pushed myself through the startled crowd and I heard Mr. Hockley's voice cut through the commotion. "Stop Her!" But it was too late. I lept with my famous feline grace for the railing of the lower deck and caught it in my hands. Refusing any assistance I hoisted myself over it. I saw Nate leave the railing in a rush and I dashed off into the crowd too, pushing past everyone to reach the ships interior. I came to a guilded room with a large shiny, wooden staircase. And coming swiftly down it was Nathan.**

**"Eliza!" We threw our arms around eachother with amazing force and vigor. He lifted me off my feet, kissing my hair and face until he found my lips. "You're so stupid! Why did you do do that, huh?" he cried and laughed as our lips met over and over again. "You're so stupid, Liza. Why did you do that? Why?"**

**"Because we belong together, remember?" I breathed, gasping for air. "Where you go, I go."**

**"Right." He sighed, pulling me into another tight embrace.**

**"Oh, god. I couldn't go, Nate." I cried. "I couldn't leave you."**

**"It's alright. We'll think of something." He assured. "It's okay."**

**"At least I'm with you." I wimpered as we hugged. From above there was a cry of rage and fustration and I was the first to look up and see Caledon Hockley coming down the large staicase holding a silver pistol.**

**"Nate!" I screamed as Mr. Hockley aimed the pistol at Nate's back and fired.**

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, that was boring but I figured she needed to have dream since she was knocked out and she had to be knocked out for reasons I can't say. But don't be discouraged people for next chapter comes the drama which i so love to write! xoxo-E**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I must have blinked at the sound of the bullet being launched from the gun barrel, in a second the dying ship and all its passengers were gone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I must have known I was dreaming, for when I caught sight of the familiar doorway to the wine cellar the terror and pain of being shot at evaporated and I could breathe again.

"Are you alright, Miss Dawson?" Asked a low, melodic voice. At the sound of it I whipped my head around at the casual form of Mr. Caledon Hockley leaned against a wine rack looking pleased with himself.

"You!" I spat pointing a quivering finger at him and crouching back against the wall. But it was seeing his puzzled expression that I realized that what happens in dreams can only happen in dreams. "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Hockley." I coward. I glanced around the room warily, and slowly as I took in the surroundings, I noticed that I wasn't in the same place I had been before. It was a basement-like room with a dank, musty smell. The walls and floors were poured cement and incased in them were rows and rows of wine bottles. "Where are we?"

"Why, we're in my secret wine cellar." He rocked off his heels and began to pace the floor. The archness in his voice made me recoil and I backed against the wall a little bit more, hiding in the shadows of a wine cabinet.

"How did we get here?" I asked him, narrowing my sultry green eyes to slits. "Where's Nathan?"

"Don't you remember, you followed me down here and tripped over the stairs in the dark and hit your head." Mr. Hockley said.

"No!" I said, a hot, fevered sensation rising in my head making me feel dizzy. "Something hit me in the head from behind, I was in your study, alone I could have sworn...where's Nathan?"

"In bed I should hope. It's about two in the morning." he kept pacing, swiveling his shot glass in his fingers, making the amber liquid slosh and spill out.

"No. Ruth, your maid, she was going to wake him up for me." At first I wasn't sure I was remembering right, he sounded so convincing. "Yes. Why wouldn't she come back for me if she couldn't wake him up?" I asked myself. Perhaps Ruth meant to let me get caught; now that was a troubling thought.

"Ruth is asleep as well." he answered softly. "You and I are the only two in the house still awake after hours. So," He chided taking a seat next to me on the floor, "what made you awaken so violently, sleeping beauty?" He stroked my lose curls tucking them neatly behind my ear, almost like a father would.

"A nightmare." I said with a shudder. "Me and Nate, we were somehow on this sinking ocean liner. Someone had chained him to a pipe down below so he would drown. I managed to free him but once we got to a life boat I- I just couldn't leave him." nodded in comprehension. "I almost left but jumped back on at the last second. We were hugging down below when-"

"Someone fired a bullet at you." Mr. Hockley cut me off in a second, smiling cunningly into my eyes.

"How did you -?" I asked him, warily.

"Oh, believe me; I've had that nightmare many times." He said staring off into space. "But mine are always from a different perspective." The corner of his full lips crooked into a subtle grin. I didn't dare tell him he was the shooter in the dream; I wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"Well, I'm sorry for coming by so late...and for falling down the stairs. But I should be going. My parents must be awfully worried." I got up and headed for the door, but the following words made all the vigor drain from my body.

"I'm sure they are." He said, a roguish smile spreading across his face. "After all you've been up to these past few days, lying about where you're going, sleeping with my son..."

"How did you know that?" I demanded backing up against the door, my fingers curling around the door knob in case I needed to make a quick exit after his answer.

"Elizabeth, darling, I'm a very powerful man." He stated, leaning over so his forearms rested on his knees and his dark, lustful eyes pierced mine. "I know many things. For instance, I know that you and my son slept at the beach in that little shack last night, I know that my son, though his intensions may be honorable, could never really love a person enough to risk his life for them. And I know that you are the little mistake of my former fiancé Rose Dewitt Bukator and that slum dog, Jack Dawson. Both of whom I presumed to be dead until a few days ago. I owe that epiphany to you, Miss Dawson, you were the last piece of the puzzle." He tipped his glass to me.

"Leave them alone!" I screamed. "Leave my parents alone! What could you possibly want with them now, it's been fourteen years! Just leave them be!"

"Oh, but why do that?" He said, still sitting. "When I have the solution to all my problems right before me?"

"What do you want? Whatever it is I'll give it to you, if you leave my family alone!" I sobbed. "I'll keep away from Nathan, whatever you want!" Those last words tore at my heart.

"I could care less about Nathan." he took a long swig of brandy. "What I'm interested in is that diamond I know you have somewhere, tucked away in your room." He must have noticed the abashed look on my face because he began to elaborate. "My two lovely little girls were getting ready for bed a few nights ago, and as I was passing their room I could have sworn I heard something about a diamond necklace called Le Cour de la Mer being presented to them that day by one Elizabeth Dawson. And if they delivered that note to Nathan promptly they'd get to keep it."

"Damn!" I whispered sharply. I should have known better than to trust eight year olds to keep their idiot mouths shut.

"Yes, that was a turning point." He sighed. "It was from there that I knew to have my valet follow my son to the beach last night." He smiled to himself at his genius.

"You can have The Heart of the Ocean." I told him. "I don't care how much it's worth. It's just a stupid necklace!"

"Oh, but you see I would settle for that if that weren't the only thing denied from me that night." His eyes left my face and traced the outline of my body.

"You're disgusting!" I shouted, even louder than before, hoping someone would wake and come to my rescue.

"Rose never really loved me, no matter how hard I tried to win her." He moaned. "I only asked two things from her, that she honor her future husband and that she do what I asked of her. She did neither." His eyes brightened in the darkness as his gaze fell upon mine again. "But seeing as I can't very well get to her, now that she has a husband to protect her, I guess I'll have to settle for you." He got up and advanced toward me. My sweaty fingers slipped around the door knob but it would not turn. Locked.

"A little too thin for my taste, I must say." he breathed, pressing up against me, squeezing the air from my lungs. "But you'll do just fine." I opened my mouth to scream but before I could mouth a word he jammed his tongue in my open mouth and with his free hand, gripped my wrist and twisted it far to the right until it snapped. Tears streamed down my face, but he wouldn't allow me to cry out.

He whipped me around him and pushed me violently to the ground. As I lay there, clutching my broken arm and taking in those last few pain free moments, I prayed to god that he'd change his mind that he'd somehow gain a conscience and let me go. It was an empty hope. I was at the mercy of the infamous Caledon Hockley now. The only thing I could pray for that might actually come true was that he'd give my body back to my parents when he was done.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Two days ago, if someone had told me this would happen I would have called them stupid. But the stupid thing was I had trusted him. I had believed he was no more than an insight into the past and I had the soul intension of using him to learn what my mother was hiding. But it was I who ended up being used.

And as I huddled up in the corner of that dark, dusty basement I felt as if I deserved what I got. The bruises that were blossoming up my arms and legs were each penance to my mother, for all the grief I'd caused her. My numb fingers gently pressed the swollen tendons in my broken wrist. I winced, not from the pain but from the harsh cold voice that sliced the air.

"Get dressed." His voice was rough and ragged. He sat on an empty crate a few feet away, dabbing the sweat off his brow. The weight of his stare on my skin was almost too difficult to bare. I reached for my clothing only a few inches away and pulled it over my tangled mess of curls.

The skirt of my favorite navy dress was ripped at the seams, exposing a large patch of purple-white thigh. I couldn't remember seeing it tear, but I remembered the sound of the fabric ripping in his impatience to get it out of the way. I wiped the tears from my eyes in the memory of it. I fought back the will to let them cascade down my cheeks. I would never allow myself to cry in front of him. As I pulled on my shoes I noticed that dried blood ran like rivers down the inside of my legs.

"Shit. You son of a bitch. You made me bleed." I cursed silently, not intending for him to hear it.

"After all I did to you, your dwelling on a little blood." He smirked, taking a long gulp on whiskey and smacking his full lips in satisfaction.

I didn't retort back. Instead I tucked my knees into my chest, hugging my legs and I began to hum my mother's lullaby. _Come Josephine in my flying machine, and it's up she goes, up she goes..._

"Get up." He commanded, getting to his feet and throwing on his shirt. He let his shot glass slip from his fingers and shatter on the floor.

I pretended not to have heard him. I strained to bend my arm and plug my ears with my fingers. I began to rock back and forth on my heels, humming even louder to drown out the sound of his voice.

The sound of his heavy shoes against the floor over powered my soft humming. His thick fingers grabbed my bad arm and yanked me onto my feet. I bit my lip, so hard it bled just to fight back the scream building up pressure in my throat.

He opened the door to his study and threw me into an arm chair before the fire. I sank down into the soft leather cushion, burying my face in my hands. Cal sat down in the opposite chair. He reclined back and breathed deep, before letting out a long, drawn out sigh.

I'm very sorry." He lamented. It felt awkward to hear him speak so softly and so remorsefully, his voice had been so harsh before.

"I don't care." I snapped hoarsely. "I'm not taking your freaking pity. What's done is done. Just forget about it."

"Very well. As you wish." He said blankly. I wanted it to be over but I had to ask him.

"What do you think Nathan would say if he were to know about this?" I asked him, eyebrows arched in the same way my mother's did when she asked a question she knew the answer to.

"He'd hate me." He said with a laugh. "Might even cuss me off. But if its violence you're searching for in Nathan you won't find it. Nathan is too good a man to use violence against anyone. He could never hurt me. He fears me, Eliza."

"How can you say that?" I said sharply. "He is your son! Children should respect their parents, not fear them. My dad taught me that a long time ago. Not that anyone could find a reason to respect you." I added coldly.

"You love your daddy. don't you?" He said with a smirk, his voice turning nasty. "Of course you do, your father is a good man. Far better than I can ever hope to be. I was raised differently than him, as was your mother. We were raised believing as long as we were wealthy and acquired reputable social status we would always be respected. That as long as we men had a beautiful, social wife we would have a happy marriage, love be damned. We look down on the poor for their ignorance and pride but in reality we should be looked down upon, for our callousness."

"Does your wife love you?" I asked wearily, the image of Mrs. Hockley's porcelain face appearing in my head.

"In a way, I suppose her does." he sighed. "She loves me because I was good to her son. I gave them a good home and an upstanding family. But I do not believe she loves me in the way your mother loves your father. In fact, I think she resents me for what I did to her son."

"Her son?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Nathan...is not my real son." He said, a bit of a sob in his voice. "Madeleine was engaged before me to a man named J.J Astor, the richest man in the world some say. He went down with Titanic and poor Madeleine had nowhere to go. So I propositioned her. I offered her financial stability, social status, a good home for her unborn child, more children if she wished...if she gave me the fortune Astor had left her and married me before the year was out."

"Oh my god." I gasped, uncurling myself to get a better look at his regretful face.

"Nathan was born in mid August 1912 as John Jacob Astor the fifth. We put out the child had died and hid him away until the appropriate time for him to be born, then of course we changed his name to Nathan Hockley, not legally though but it happened all the same." I couldn't say anything; my mind was frozen in shock.

"Anything else you'd like to share with me?" I asked, regaining a little of my superiority over him.

"You father was on the Titanic as well. Did you know that?" He said, reminiscing. "He was traveling in steerage and your mother and I were in the first class along with her mother, your grandmother. He met your mother rescuing her from falling of the back of the ship!" He laughed. "Anyway, they ended up having an affair later on." I wondered what memories of them he was revisiting in the twisted depths of his mind. "I was so foolish. I had him framed for robbery and that stupid girl went to rescue him instead of getting off that damn ship. I should have known interfering would only make her want him more."

I smiled to myself, picturing a younger version of my mother trudging through those icy hallways, axe held high above her head, racing to save my father. Even now, at the age of thirty one I could still imagine her doing the same.

"You are so like her, Elizabeth. In every way." he said affectionatly. I held an image of my mother's lovely face in my head and for a second I blushed with pride. But then I remembered our fight earlier that night. I remembered her cruel questions, her prying into my personal things and most of all her threat to tell my father. I burned with hate all over again.

"I am nothing like my mother." I stormed, clenching the loose fabric in my fists and digging my nails into the stitching. Cal looked taken aback; he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked away from my scorching stare. I knew it wasn't my actual words that startled him, but the intensity behind them. I was regaining my strength and he was beginning to fear the challenge of keeping me detained. But still not as much as I feared him.

"So are you gonna finish what you started?" I said finally. He looked at me, a curious grin spreading across his face.

"What do you mean?" He inquired. "Am I going to kill you?" he cackled harder this time, throwing his head back against his chair overwhelmed by the apparent amusement of my words. "I'm not going to kill you. Why would I do that? So I can ruin my good name and waste an already worthless life. There's no point to it."

"If I'm as worthless as you say then why does it matter?" I asked simply. "You could always hide the evidence."

"Because no matter how angry I become when I think about your matter, no matter how furious I get when I look at the product of her and that street rat I can't get over the fact that I did love her." he ran his fingers through his hair and messaged his temples as if the agony of admitting this was giving him a headache. "You're her little girl, Elizabeth. You're a part of her. Killing you would be like killing Rose. Besides," He added with a smile, "you were not meant to be beaten, Elizabeth Dawson, you were meant to be drowned."

I nodded, smirking at his last remark. Right then, I really couldn't understand how anyone could love my mother. So I accepted that I was meant to die some other day, and not here, tonight. Besides, I don't think I could bear dying alone with no one to hold onto as I left.

"Go home, Elizabeth." He said in his normal low, haughty tone. "And if you have any mercy for me and my family you will tell no one of what happened tonight. And of course if you want your family to remain intact." he added with an evil smirk.

"I won't breathe a word." I said quietly, untucking my legs and with my good arm hoisting myself onto my weak, shaky legs. "But the bruises, they just might say something." I left Caledon in his arm chair, staring off into the flames, his eyes glazing over with the remorse that I had searched for hours ago, before this even happened.

I didn't know how far my damaged body would carry me, I hoped it would hold out till I got to the safety of my home. Little did I know, there were more battles waiting for me there.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

As I stumbled up the front steps, I couldn't help thinking what my dad was thinking at that very moment. I wasn't thinking of Cal, my arm or my many, many bruises, I was thinking of him. I wondered whether my mother had the heart to tell him what I had done. If she had and he got angry, he'd feel even worse when he saw me again. And for some reason I felt compelled to lie again, maybe telling him I was beaten by some faceless stranger would be better than telling him I was assaulted by the very man he told me to stay away from.

I opened the front door and walked inside, letting the warmth and comfort wash over me. I started toward the kitchen door, letting my boots fall hard on the floor to let them know I was coming, to prepare themselves.

I opened the door, revealing myself to them slowly. There they were as always, waiting for my return at the kitchen table, staring at their knuckles in silence. My mother was the first to look up at me, cocking her eyebrows in anticipation of my perfuse apologies, but her haughtiness was short lived.

"Help me." I whined. As soon as their eyes took in my damaged form they leapt from their seats, knocking them over as they went.

"Who did this to you?" My mother cried, breathless as she examined my extensive wounds. I didn't want to answer. Maybe if I kept it quiet this would all go away. My father took my broken arm gently in his and held it aside gingerly as he scooped me into his arms.

"Rose, a man named Mr. Calvert lives next door, he's a doctor. I need you to go and fetch him for me, tell him it's serious." In an instant she was gone.

As he carried me upstairs to my room, I saw a pair of bright sea green eyes peer out of the adjacent room. Jack was awake, and he'd come to investigate. I mouthed a greeting at him, flashing a famous smile. It seemed to do the trick and pair of green eyes returned to the shadows of their room.

"Lizzy, I need you to tell me what happened." He said beseechingly as he sat me down on my bed. The real answer would devastate him. His kind heart didn't deserve the truth.

"I fell," I said sincerely, looking him directly in the eye. "I was sitting on the stairs in front of town hall, crying, and I went to get up and I tripped and fell down the stairs."

"Well you should be more careful." He said with a laugh ruffling my hair and tucking the loose ends behind my ear. I flinched at the memory of Cal doing the same thing just hours ago, when he was asking me about the nightmare. "Don't worry. We'll have Mr. Calvert take a look at yah and bind that arm up and you'll be fine."

I watched him leave the foot of my bed and head for the door. he stood in the doorway and ran his fingers through his hair taking one last look at my battered body.

"Jeez, if I didn't know any better I'd swear you'd been beaten up." He said as he left the room. If only he knew. If only he could know. But I couldn't tell him. Not only would the truth break his heart but he'd want justice. I feared for his life if he went after Caledon Hockley on his own.

I fell fast asleep. It felt like forever since I'd truly slept. But my mind was too preoccupied to rest for long and I woke maybe just an hour later to find my parents by my side talking to Mr. Calvert.

I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be unconscious. I knew as well as any child that our presence usually changed the honesty of adult conversations.

"Well," Said my mother, her voice low and hoarse with concern. "Is she alright?" Her breathing was hard and heavy in anticipation of the worst.

"She as alright as she can be with her injuries." Said the deep, warm accented voice of Mr. Calvert. "Her wrist is snapped right off the joint and she has some bad bruising all over her body but those should heal pretty quickly. I bandaged her wrist so that shouldn't hurt her too much anymore. She should be able to sleep for a couple more hours. When she wakes up she'll need the pain medication, I left it on the table for you."

"Thanks John." Said my father. "I know it's pretty late. I just don't understand how she fell down the stairs." He said quizzically. I could just picture his furrowed brow in my head.

"Jack's right." Said my mother. "I can't remember the last time Eliza was physically hurt. She gets sick a lot. She had a lung problem when she was younger but never has she been injured this badly. I just can't understand it."

"You know Rose," said Mr. Calvert his voice becoming low and hushed. "I really don't think Eliza fell down the stairs."

"What do you mean? Jack said Eliza told him she fell down the steps of town hall. Why would she lie about that?" My mother said, becoming defensive.

"I don't know, but the break in her arm," I heard him sigh and pause for a moment before he finished his answer. " If the wrist hit the corner of a concrete step it wouldn't have broken clean in two, it might have come close...I think somebody physically grabbed her wrist and twisted it till it broke."

"You can't be sure of that." My mother snapped. "She could have fallen the wrong way, you weren't there."

"Well, it's not only that but the bruises...if she'd fallen down the stairs they would have been mainly in the exposed areas such as the calves and forearms. Her bruises are everywhere, Rose, everywhere. And I found blood on her ankles but I couldn't find a cut anywhere." He breathed deep before giving his diagnosis. "I think...I think Eliza was sexually assaulted. And I think she lied because she's ashamed." Both of my parents were silent. "Just don't question her about right away. Once she gets over it she might open up."

"Jack, he did it. I know he did it!" My mother sobbed. "What are we gonna do, Jack. What if he comes for us next?"

"We can't worry about that now." My father said quietly. "We really don't know what actually happened until we get the truth from Lizzy. We have to worry about her first."

"Like I said, I comfort her before I'd question her again. She's probably traumatized." I felt my mother's slender hand slide into mine and squeeze it hard.

"My poor baby. What did he do to you?" She cried softly. He didn't do anything, I thought to myself as they cried for me, I brought this on myself.

"So you wanna tell us the truth."

It was late afternoon before they troubled me again. After their conversation with Mr. Calvert they left me to sleep for the remainder of the morning, my mother only intruding once to try and coax me to eat some lunch to no avail.

It made my skin crawl just to make eye contact with her. I knew it wouldn't be long before my father returned from work and they both sat me down and laid out the evidence.

"We already know you didn't fall down the stairs so don't try anything." My mother said darkly and my father cast a meaningful look.

"Rose." He warned and she fell silent. "Lizzy you know you can tell us anything," He said taking my hands in his, "You can trust us. We're not here to judge, we just wanna know what happened so we can do something about it."

I bit my lip. The truth would kill him, but mother already suspected Cal attacked me but she had no idea what else he did. I was ashamed it happened to me. It shouldn't have, I was supposed to be strong and brave not cower in the corner while some man beat me up. Yet if mother told him everything else, this would seem small.

"Mother," I turned to her my eyes blazing with intensity and meaning, "Just give him the diamond. Give him the diamond and this might all go away." My mother tensed up and my father looked at her incredulous.

"You had it all this time?" He asked quietly. She nodded tears streaming down her flushed cheeks and my father got up and hugged her tight for a reason I can't say. "I guess we have to meet with him." He breathed as she buried her face in his shoulder. "We have to give it to him." My mother pulled away nodding and wiping her eyes.

"Eliza, I thought I told you to stay away from him." He knelt down to my level, running his fingers through his hair. "If you had listened to us this never woulda happened. Why'd you do it?"

"Well...I was angry and I was scared." I said slowly, digging deep into the emotion of the previous night.

"Why were you scared?" He put a tender hand on my shoulder.

"Well because..." I looked into his eyes, deep sea green and full of worry. Then it hit me, he didn't know. She hadn't told him. I jumped out of bed and threw my arms around my mother, sobbing in gratitude.

"Thank you, thank you so much, Mommy!" I cried. "I sorry mummy, I would take it all back if I could. It won't happen again." She squeezed me back whispering into my ear.

"It's okay. It's okay. I know." then she pushed me away, so hard and fast she almost knocked me into my father, who caught me in his arms before I fell. We both looked at her confused at her sudden change in demeanor.

"But you're punished." She said firmly. You are not to leave this house for the rest of the week...and I forbid you to see that Nathan boy ever again."

I couldn't speak. It felt like the floor had slipped from under me and I was plunging hundreds of feet or at least that's what my heart felt like.

"No. You can't do that! You can't I love him!" I screamed. My father tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I took it and threw it aside advancing toward my mother with building animosity. "You're a hypocrite! And I hope you go to hell!" She just stood there her face hard and her eyes stone cold yet fiery with anger. I snatched my pillow from my bed.

"I think I'll stay in Jack's room tonight." I said simmering down. "Oh and by the way, when I told you I was sleeping at Ginny's," I looked at my dad still stunned, "I lied. I slept at the beach with Nathan Hockley. Oh, and when I say we slept together I do mean we slept together." And I left the room slamming the door in there frozen faces.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Jack. Jack was the person I needed right now. He could be obstinate but he always understood, which is all I wanted. Someone to understand.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, scribbling on a piece of paper. When he saw me standing in the doorway, his cheeks flushed and he covered the parchment with his hands.

"What are you doing here?" He tucked the crumpled paper under his legs.

"Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?" I asked, sitting down on the foot of his bed. "We had it out, me and mother. I need to vent."

"Sure." He said, making room for me next to him. I took full advantage of the space he had given me. I sprawled out lengthwise, propping my head against the pillow. It smelled strange. It was then I noticed how dark his hair looked, I ran my fingers through his head of greasy blonde hair.

"Jack, when is the last time you washed yourself?" I inquired darkly, inching away from him.

"I thought you wanted to talk." He snapped, pushing the crinkled paper further under him.

"Right." I lowered my eyes and started to pick at a scar on my wrist, my nails digging deeper as each violent word came back to me. "Mother says I can never see him again, Nathan. Just because she's _afraid_ of his father. Oh Jack, what if I never see him again? What if I'm stuck in this house forever?" I could feel the hot tears starting to well up in my eyes. I didn't hold back, I let them roll down my face so he could see how much I hurt.

"You'll see him again, Eliza." Jack sighed, sliding his sticky hand into mine. It was different than other times when he held my hand. This time it actually felt tender and I didn't even think to ask why his hands were always sticky. "Mom and Dad can't stay frightened forever. It'll go away soon and then you can see him" I watched his brow furrow. "Why are mom and dad scared?" He didn't know. And why should he know?

"They think Nathan's father is out to get them." I laughed a little at how stupid that sounded out loud.

"Why do they think that?" He asked innocently. I just shrugged my shoulders, acting as ignorant as he was. How I longed to be ignorant again.

"Who knows? They're grown ups and we're just kids." I nudged him playfully and he flashed me a smile that could light up the darkest of shadows. "They don't tell us anything."

"Like I said, don't worry. I don't know about mom, but dad wouldn't keep you against your will." He grinned. "Besides, once your eighteen you're a grown up and you can go anywhere without telling no one." He looked mystified. "I wish I were a grown up."

"Don't you ever say that!" I flared. "Never wish your childhood away. Once its gone, you can't have it back. Trust me." He nodded, shaken by my sudden outburst.

"You were pretty nasty back there." He said sullenly. "I heard you arguing with mom. I don't blame you though, she was pretty mean too, telling you you couldn't see Nate anymore. But you shouldn't hae told her to go to hell."

"I know. I'm sorry." I placed a hand on his bony shoulders. he looked at me with wide, aquamarine eyes. they left my face and traveled down my bandaged arm resting for a moment on each purple blemish. He took his free hand and grazed my skin gently with his fingers.

"Do they hurt?" He asked sympathetically.

"A little bit." I said retracting my arm. "But they'll fade." he smirked weakly. "Jack, what are you hiding under your legs?" I suddenly felt curious enough to reach under the bridge of his knees and snatch the paper before he could stop me. I fended him off with my plasterd arm and smoothed out the paper with my other hand. Only it was one paper it wwas two.

One was newer, lighter in color and the writing less smudged. The handwriting was shaky and sloppy, Jack's handwriting. The other was faded and yellowing with age. The writing was neater but not by much. The beginning was almost exactly the same. "10 things to do before I die."

"Where did you get this, Jack?" I gasped.

"It's yours. You wrote it when you were my age." He said simply. "I found it in your jewelry box and I thought it was a pretty neat thing to do. So I decided I'd copy it...a little. Are you mad?"

"Why were you in my room?" I snapped. "Why did you go through my things? These are my personal thoughts, Jack!" I was kind of surprised he would do that.

"I'm sorry. I just sort of stumbled on it. Mom told me to go through your things and tell her if I found anything weird. I wouldn't have done it if she didn't tell me too!"

"What a witch." I growled. "She doesn't trust her own daughter so she sends her little brother to raid her room."

"It's low, I know." Jack agreed. "But look at what you wrote. You were a pretty crazy kid." I looked down at the wrinkled parchment and read it to myself, something I hadn't looked apon in over six years.

_10 things to do before I die_

_Eliza Oceane Dawson_

_1. Fall in love forever_

_2. Learn how fly_

_3. Survive a disaster_

_4. Live like wildfire_

_5. Witness a miracle_

_..._

"Where did I come up with this stuff?" I asked aloud. But I knew exactly how I did it. It was a long time ago, when I was Jack's age maybe even younger. It was September and I was sitting under a tree with my bet friend Ginny. She was my only friend then, a stocky girl with gingery hair, freckly skin and a knack for getting into trouble. She had an uncontrollable imagination and had a mother who was unusually frank about life experiences.

As we cooled in the shade she prattled on about some guy named Romeo and his love Juliet. At the end of her jumbled tale she added that her mommy had told her where babies come from and she proceeded to whisper her mommy's explanation as I chomped on a piece of candy. After I was done vomiting my guts out she told me how Romeo and Juliet killed themselves and didn't even get a chance to spend their lives together.

Those words, somewhere in my childish little heart, hit a soft spot. It was then I proclaimed to Ginny and to anyone within earshot that we would not die without doing everything there is to do. We each ripped out a page from our notebooks and started dreaming up the most profound and silly tasks that our little minds could imagine and wrote all down. I smiled in memory of my innocence. But then I looked at it at a deeper level.

"I haven't done any of this."

"So. It's complete madness. Except the falling in love part, but you've done that." Jack stated.

"No I haven't. At least not forever. I mean look at this Jack. I haven't ever flown, not really anyways. I've never been through a disaster or witnessed a miracle. And what the hell is live like wildfire supposed to mean?" I said angrily.

"It isn't supposed to mean anything. You were a kid, I don't think you meant it to make sense." He said flatly. "And you've got your whole life to do all that stuff."

"But the thing is, how long are our lives? None of us knows when we're going to die." I said somberly. "And I for one am not going to wait 'till I'm dead to do all these things. Like dad always says, you have to make it count."

"You're not serious. What are you thinking, Eliza." He had seen it. The little glimmer in my eye that usually sparked an idea. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet, Jack. But I think I'll need to sleep on it. I'm going back in my room. Good night Jack."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

For the next two weeks I felt hollow. Something had ripped my soul out and I was now struggling with myself to regain my emotions. For the first week I was a machine. I did chores, scrubbing dishes till my fingers were red and numb and sweeping till my eyes swelled with dust and tears. It was all I could do to keep my mind off things. But in doing so I seemed to have lost all the feeling I had to begin with. The next week was spent sprawled across my bed trying to get it back.

I was certain of one thing; mother and I were through. I couldn't even make eye contact with her anymore without feeling the guilt grip my chest like iron chains. When she left for work she'd leave notes on the table telling me what chores to do and when Thomas was to have his nap. If it weren't for those notes I'm afraid she would've disappeared from me all together.

It was that Wednesday I discovered they were suing Nathan's father. I thought I told them to talk to him not file an effing lawsuit. But who would listen to me, I wouldn't. I had lost all the will to speak out against them. So on Saturday April the 17th I would be going to court to testify against Caledon Hockley for raping me. Something I didn't even care about anymore.

The night before the court date, I couldn't seem to sleep. It seemed too hot to be comfortable and it felt like needles were sticking into my rib cage, one for each of my troubles. It hurt a lot.

I tried to summon up an image of Nate in my mind. I pictured him as he was at the beach that day, his hair matted around his face and his brilliant blue eyes staring back at me with so much intensity it burned. I could almost hear him calling out my name. _"Wake up, Eliza."_

Then I realized it wasn't in my head.

I looked over at my second floor window to see Nathan Hockley smiling back at me, his knuckles tapping lightly on the glass

I flung open the window and my lips collided hard with his. A warm night breeze rippled flies of dark chestnut hair into his eyes. I brushed them away with my fingers and kissed his forehead.

"What the hell are you doing here? And by here I mean at my bedroom window!" It was strange feeling. I didn't know whether to hold him tight or slap him in his stupidity.

"I wanted to see you!" He said knitting his thick eyebrows together. "If I had come to the door I would have woken your mother and father up."

"Oh, and waking my mom and dad is a worse alternative than falling and breaking your neck?" I asked laughing. He nodded and looked lips with me again. It was long and sweet. Now that I remember it, before Nathan I found kisses revolting. Now I found myself always wanting more. "At least you were honest." I hesitated before stepping back. "Aren't you going to come inside or are you going to stand outside my window all night long."

"Well your parents are right down the hall." He responded gloomily. "I'm lucky I managed to get up here."

"So what." I said, I brushed the stray curls from my shoulder and pulled down my nightdress till it settled on my hips, exposing a large patch of marble white chest covered by a thin undershirt. I held out my hand to him. "We could be really quiet." I whispered playfully.

"Yeah, we could be." He grinned and I helped him through the window frame into the warmth of my room. Finally.

"I missed you Nate." I whispered my voice hoarse from kissing. I rested my head on his chest tracing his rib bones and muscle tendons with my fingers. It was so quiet afterwards. All I could hear was the thudding of his heart.

"I can feel your heart beating." I said wistfully, listening to the beats as if they were the lyrics to a song. Nathan thrummed at my bottom lip with his thumb before leaning in and kissing it tenderly.

"You're so strange Eliza. I love you so much." He groaned running his fingers through my thick hair. I just sighed wrapping my arms around his midsection and humming my lullaby to calm my own hearts rapid pounding. The Nate had to go and ruin the moment.

"Hey, two weeks ago Ruth woke me up in the middle of the night telling me you were there to see me. When I came down know one was there." I didn't answer. His tone was much too inquiring like m mothers. I flipped over and buried my head into my pillow. "Was Ruth delusional or did you show up at my house at midnight?" He added in a much lighter tone.

"Yes but only to warn you. I thought my dad would go off at any second when he found out about our night at the beach. But my mother didn't have the nerve to tell him. It was all for nothing, really." And then the anger came. It _was_ all for nothing.

"How did you hurt your arm?" He asked, drumming his fingers on my bandaged wrist. I pulled it away defensively.

"I fell down the stairs. It was an accident." I mumbled.

"Only you, Eliza. Only you." He sighed, his tired voice trailing off into silence. We just laid there for a while, his fingers entwining with my hair while I simmered in the darkness.

"I have to go soon. I have to go to court with my family." He groaned.

"Oh." _Oh no_. I wanted to end it there but Nate kept going.

"It's absolutely ridiculous." He stormed. "This couple is accusing my father of raping their little girl one night in _our_ house! I mean it's crazy. Can you imagine my dad hurting someone?

_Yes._

"No."

"My mother will murder me if I'm too exhausted to testify. So I'll have to leave in few-"

"But Nate, what if he did rape the girl?" I asked curiously. He only took a minute to ponder it.

"He wouldn't. There's no way." Nate said firmly.

"But what if in some parallel universe where everything was the opposite of what it is he did. What would you do.?"

"Well, everyone makes mistakes, Eliza." He said, reckoning with himself. "I mean, sometimes we get so angry we can't think clearly and we do things we normally wouldn't. You get it?" Honestly I didn't think anyone in the world understood it more than I.

"But what about the poor girl he scarred? What about her? Shouldn't she get justice too?" Nathan shifted away from me at the sudden rise in my vocals.

"Where's this coming from? He didn't rape anyone so why are you getting so angry?" He was on the defense.

"Why? Why am I getting so angry? Because-" Because he didn't understand. No one ever would. "I think you should go."

"What?" No, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you?" He said menacingly.

"No! I'm not going to tell you anything! It's none of your business what happened between me and...Get out; just get out of my house before I yell so loud I wake the parents!" I shrilled. Nathan stumbled off the bed, pulling on his pants and shirt rapidly, looking at me with the most regretful eyes. But I couldn't see how he knew what to regret.

I ushered him the window. Once he was on the other side he looked at me hard, his ocean eyes watering.

"Eliza what the hell did I do?" he asked beseechingly.

"You took the wrong side." I slammed the window closed. "And I don't want to see you anymore." Those last words were like daggers stabbing at my heart. But I didn't think I could see him anymore without all the bad memories flooding back and all Nathan's opinions flashing back at me. "I love you." I cried.

"Then why are you leaving me?"

"I already told you! Now just go!" Once Nathan disappeared I flopped back down on the bed and began to cry.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry. been sick for a while. This was a paticulary hard chapter. Sorry if the court procedure isn't accurate, the only thing I can reference it to is the mock trial we did in school two years ago.**

**Chapter 17**

** The next morning my parents and I went to the courthouse. **

** I felt unusually juvenile that day I remember. With my hair done up in a jumble of messy curls and wearing a knee length sailor dress I felt like a five year old on her first day of school. My father held my hand as we rode in the taxi. I let him. I knew he was just as afraid as I was.**

** I sat on the stone steps of the building as my father and mother went over the proceeding with the judge. The morning clouds hung low over the city making it unusually hot and sweaty. The steps were cold so I unbuckled my knees to let them cool on the pavement. That was when I saw Cal Hockley get out of his car followed by a hairy man I assumed to be his lawyer. He saw me and came closer, stopping on the second step when he realized I was watching him too.**

** "I thought.......I thought we were going to keep our mouths shut?" He said cooly, while his attorney yammered on about case strategies in the background.**

** "We were. But as I said before, Mr. Hockley, some things just can't be hidden." I glanced from him to my battered arms up to him again. "And they have....repercussions."**

** "Hmm." He grunted. "Well then we'll just have to make sure those repercussions don't occur." He looked away back at the street where a black model Ford pulled up and out got Mrs. Hockley, the twins, and Nathan. "Or there will be even greater ones to follow, won't there be?" He meant lie.**

** "But we'll both be under oath! We can't lie!" I hissed quietly.**

** "No, but we can distort the truth. You and I are very alike in that way, we have an extraordinary talent for twisting reality, don't we." he smirked at me and I involuntarily returned it with a grin of my own. "Besides without a witness there's no way you'll win. There's no way you can prove you where at my house that night. But don't worry. this isn't a total waste. I am quite anxious to see your mother. How is Rose?" Its funny how quickly my mood can change. I had to dig my nails into the concrete to keep from lunging at him.**

** "Better now she's about to get revenge." I spat. "I'm sorry , I'm not twisting the truth. I'm going to be as blunt as possible. Even if I can't win at least now people will know what a god damned son of a bitch you are just to be accused of such a crime. Now if you'll exuse me, I have to go and prepare my testimony."**

** "But what about Nathan? You love him, don't you." He implored, tantalizingly. "What will he think when he learns you were the girl who accused me? What will he think if you win? Either way you lose him. What will you do then."**

** "This isn't about Nathan, Mr. Hockley. This is between you and me. Nathan can think whatever he likes." I snapped, walking up the steps and reaching for the heavy oak doors.**

** "Ah, I see. You and my son are through, aren't you? How unfortunate. Then I guess I will have to wish you luck after all. Seeing as you are emotionally unstable you won't be able to give a proper testimony without it being biased. Oh, and I plan to use that to my advantage." He walked up behind me, so close I could feel the vibrations of his deep voice in the pit of my stomach. He leaned in to my back, pinning me against the door. He bared his teeth against my neck. I was paralyzed to the point where my hands grip the door handle so firly they grew red. "Good luck, Elizabeth." He whispered.**

** "Daddy?" One of the twins called from the sidewalk below. Her voice was high and imploring.**

** "Coming Sweetpea." he answered silkily, backing away and with one last withering stare. Once I was out of his shadow my nerves unclenched and I yanked open the dorrs and slipped inside before any of the other Hockley's noticed the red haired girl standing behind him. **

** I shut the door behind me, breathing hard. Mr. Hockley was right. Without a witness I had no chance. People would think I was after his money. I looked around the entrance hall, was it suposed to be spinning. My hands were clammy and trembling. I would humiliate myself infront of the law if I went up without any evidence.**

** The balif noticed me sitting there and came to investigate. He bent down to my level trying to catch my eyes. I glanced upward and was surprised to see he was African American. I averted my eyes to my purple-white knees, shaking under pressure.**

** "Are you okay, Miss?" He asked in a low rumble. "You're the girl who was assaulted, aren't you." he sighed. I saw his black eyes roll back in his head. "Don't be nervous. Everyone is there first time in court but there's no reason to be. The judge is kind and fair. Trust me, if your case is good and true everyting will turn out fine." He assured. "Come on." He took me by the elbow and pulled me to my feet. "You'll feel better once you meet the judge."**

** he led through the nearest set of oak pannelled doors. Inside was a long, spacious room filled with chairs. My parents sat in two of them across from an old man in long black robes.**

** The honourable Judge Anderson was a tall, balding man. He was a little on the heavy side with a round head and bright red cheeks. He was deep in conversation with my mother when he saw me and stopped.**

** "Ah, this must be Elizabeth!" He smiled. He had a warm smile, not creepy like most old man grins. He extanded his hand to me and shook it firmly. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. How are you?" His pale eyes twinkled in the dim light.**

** "Fine." I replied modestly. He beckoned for me to take a seat in between my parents. My father patted me on the back as I sat down. I guess he was proud of me for standing up for myself. The truth is I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for them. **

** "Your a very brave girl. I commend you for coming forward like this. Most young women would not have thegumption to stand up against such a powerful man." He winked at me. **

** "When will the Hockley's be arriving?" My mother asked. For some reason her voice calmed my nerves. I felt awake, lively again.**

** "Soon, if not here already. I suspect they're just outside." He let out a long sigh. "I must warn you. Mr. Hockley's hired one hell of an attorney. I hope your prepared with enough evidence, a witness?" My parents looked at each other.**

** "Well, we have Eliza, and John Calvert's deposition. Isn't that enough?" My mother asked, biting her nails.**

** "I don't know. That's up to the jury and ultimately whether the evidence is strong enough to supporet you case. But again, if the evidence dosen't add up there might be........consequences."**

** "What do you mean?" My father inquired.**

** "Mrs. Hockley made it very clear. She cannot accept that he husband may have acted in a manner that is well......out of character. She says that if her husband is found not guilty she will........."**

** "She's going to press charges! For what?" My mother asked affrontedly.**

** "She can't press charges. But she seems things to think Elizabeth has a mental problem. I believe her exact words were: "  
There is something wrong with that girl. If we win this case I'm going to have her put away." He looked dead serious.**

** "Put away? You mean in an asylum?" I asked shakily.**

** "She can't do that, Jack, can she?" My mother asked terrified, gripping my arm and pulling me closer to her. I didn't see how she couls act so possesive towards me after I called her a bitch and refused to talk to her for two weeks, but she still held me tight.**

** "But I'm not insane? How can she send me to a mental institution if I'm not mentally ill?" I implored.**

** "I don't know." Siad the judge gravely. "Maybe she knows something you don't. But I must caution you, Elizabeth. Choose your words wisely. the Hockley's have commanded great respect nationwide. They survived the Titanic, after all. People respect them. they are automatically inclined to believe them. Don't let you emotions dictate your words, use them to your advantage. You're a clever girl, I can tell. Make your case and truth will out itself." **

** I nodded but I knew it was hopeless. I linked my arm around my father's and leaned my head on his shoulder. He smiled and kissed the top of my head. I was his little girl, his only little girl. He'd do anything to protect me. But this was something he couldn't save me from. I prayed I had the strength to go it alone.**

** Just then the doors opened and a large group of people walked in and sat themselves, men and women all unfamiliar and distant. Why were they here? Did they have purpose. Most of them were older men with faces of stone. They looked harsh and serious like they were prepared to judge. There eyes were already throwing dagges at me.**

** He motioned for us to take our places as he shifted comfortably preparing himself for court. I surveyed the busy courtroom for the Hockley's. They were just walking in. Mr. Hockley strided down the ailse looking proud and regal, he was followed closely by his lawyer. I saw Mrs. Hockley usher the girls into the back row while Nathan stood beside her, looking handsome and stoic as always. As they walked down the ailse to join Mr. Hockley I saw Nathan scan the room no doubt for the girl who brought him here. I hid my face in my father's jacket. I was ready for his reaction, not at all.**

** "Court is now in session. The honourable judge George Anderson prosiding." The balif's deep, resounding voice hushed all conversations. The judge banged his gavel, leering at the crowd.**

** "Now, we all know why we are here. The accusations are as follows," He squinted at the parchment as if he actually needed to. "Sexual Assault of a minor, Mr. and Mrs. Dawson's daughter. if found guilty the punishment will be five years probation along with medical compensation, of course." He droned. A few people in the chairs behind us coughed out comments to their neighbors. How do you plead, Mr. Hockley? "**

** "Not guilty, your honour." He said earnestly.**

** "Very well. Now, we'll need to know what happened, Elizabeth......." Judge Anderson drawled.**

** "The court calls Elizabeth Dawson to the stand." The balif roared, his voice eching through the hollowed room. I got, knees shaking. I felt people eyes turn on me like a hundred pins sticking into my shoulders. "Place your left hand on the bible and raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?"**

** "Yes." I answered. Now I couldn't lie.**

** "You may be seated." I sat down on the hard wooden chair beside the judges stand. I found Nathan sitting next to his mother in the second row. His eyes were vexed and averted downward. I wasn't sure if he wasupset or angry. The shade of his complexion told me he was not expecting this.**

** "Alright Elizabeth. Tell us what happened that night." The judges eyes twinkled warmly. As long as I stared at them I'd be okay.**

** "Well, I had gotten in a fight with my mother. I needed someone to talk to, so I......I went to go see Mr. Hockley's son, Nathan. He my friend, I..I thought he could help." Nate looked up through his bangs. His blazing blue eyes met mine. They looked afflicted.**

** "I know it was late but I just needed him. When I got there I waited in the study for him to come down. Then I remember staring into the fire and earing someone come up behind me, but I just thought I was being paranoid. Something hit me in the back of the head and knocked me out. When I woke up I was in some kind of cellar with Mr. Hockley."**

** "Do you know how you got there?" The judge implored. I shook my head.**

** "He told me I followed him down there and tripped over the stairs. It all happened so fast I didn't know what to believe. He was nice to me when I first woke up but when I tried to leave........" I swallowed hard. It felt like there was something lodge in my throat, preventing me from breathing. I had never told anyone what really happened. Everyone had just assumed. I didn't want them to know, to really know. That would always remain a secret.**

** "When I tried to leave he told me since he couldn't have my mother he'd settle for me. So he came up and pinned me against he door and he....he kissed me. And then he twisted my arm so I couldn't get away and trough me on the floor, and then he raped me." I could hear my mother sobbing silently. Cal looked over at her for the first time. His gae softened as if he was actually remorseful. But then my father put his arm around her. he looked livid.**

** "Thankyou, Elizabeth. I know that was hard to do. I won't ask you to go into detail." He inhaled as to continue but a short, stocky man had risen from his seat next to Mr. Hockley and come forward.**

** "Exuse me, judge,George Wilkes, Mr. Hockley's attorney." Introduce striding up to me. He had dark, shifty eyes and a round sort of Italian face. He smiled and wriggled his ears to amke me laugh. Perhaps he was forgetting I wasn't four. "Just a few questions to verify your story, he he." He chuckled as if it was something to be taken lightly. "Now, lets say you were at the Hockley's mansion that night and my client did act out of character, how did you know what he was doing to you?"**

** "Well, he ripped off my clothes.......and well you know I-I just knew." I stammered. What kind of question was that? He wanted me to feel vulnerable, uncomfortable.**

** "Were you a virgin at the time?" He said that with such composure.**

** "How is that relevent?" My mother snapped.**

** "I have a point, you honour." He answered. He raised his catapillar eye brows in anticipation.**

** "No." I sighed. I didn't bother fighting it. My father hadn't understood what I meant that night in my room. I saw him put his face inn his hands. My mother glanced at him, then back at me urging me to keep going.**

** "Who took it?" He asked, sickley intrigued.**

** "Nate. Nate Hockley. But it's not what you think! We were drunk I didn't mean for it to happen!" I cried as gasps rippled through the room. Mrs. Hockley cried out in horror. **

** "You were drunk. You do know alcohol is outlawed by the United States government?" He was enjoying this.**

** "I told you it was a mistakes. People make mistakes. My mother made a mistake cheating on Mr. Hockley when she was engaged to him! These things happen every day!" I watched my mother's face drain of all color. "Oh no." I gasped. I had said the wrong thing.**

** "You were engaged to the defendent?" The judge inquired, narrowing his eyes at my mother.**

** "W-well yes. But that-that was fourteen years ago. It's done with." She told him, her eyes blazing with intesity.**

** "Mrs. Dawson do you think you could have filed this case to get back at Mr. Hockley?" The Judge implored.**

** "No! No, Absolutely not. This is about Eliza and what happened to her by this...this unimaginable bastard." My mother declared.**

** "Amen." I whispered sacastically. Mr. Wilkes heard me and snapped his attention back to me. **

** "From Dr. Calvert's deposition he confims that you were definately sexually assaulted. But is there any evidence to confirm that you were there at the Hockley's mansion that night?"**

** "I just told you what happened." I growled.**

** "Yes. But Mr. Hockley, a much more reputable man claims he has no recolection of your visit. So even though you were missing for several hours that night and you were attacked by some one, you have no evidence you were at the Hockley's mansion there fore you cannot accuse my client of anything seeing as you were never there." He smiled.**

** "But I was there! Why would I lie, I wouldn't be here in the first place if it wasn't for them." I leered at my parents. **

** "Hold your temper, Miss Dawson!" The judge repremanded. "Any further questions, Mr. Wilkes?"**

** "Only one, your honour." He said slyly. "Mr. Hockley isn't a terribley unattractive man, wouldn't you agree?" I didn't answer, just bit down on my lip hard. He still went on. "Then why would a pretty little thing like you have a problem with a handsome, rich man like Mr. Hockley forcing himself on you?"**

** Thwk! The sound of my hand slapping him across the face echoed through the room along with the murmers of agahst disclams from the audience. He had bated me with that question. He wanted me to lose it.**

** "Miss Dawson, I must ask you to control yourself, this is the court of law!" Judge Anderson scolded. he was getting annoyed with me.**

** "Of course you'd say that! You a man! You don't know what it's like! It was horrible and frightning and it hurt so bad and I could't get him off of me...." I was so upset and startled by the judge's sudden uproar. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt feverish. Everyone was staring at me. But then I noticed Mr. Wilkes before me. He was laughing.**

** I got up, knocking over my seat and lunged for him. Nate sprang from his chair and got between me and Mr. Wilkes with astounding speed. Our bodies collided and I collapsed into his arms dissolving into more tears.**

** "Let me go! Let me go! I want to hurt him!" I sobbed into Nathan's shoulder. I felt his breath onmy neck. It reminded me terribly of the other night. I kept struggling to break his grip until the balif's muscular arms pried me from Nate's and tossed me into my parents. They caught me in their arms and squeeed me protectively. My mother looked around, scowling at anyone who challenged her with their gazes.**

** "Order! Order! I will have order!" The judge roared. "Now, I want this case over with. Since the Dawson's cannot provide sufficient evidence and although that question was quite uncalled for, it seems that their daughter cannot control her temper long enough to be properly questioned I hearby dismiss this case! I don't want to hear about it anymore!"**

** "This is absurd! He provoked her! She's just a child. Mr. Anderson please! What about Eliza?" My mother pleaded angerly. **

** "I'm sorry Mrs. Dawson. this is out of my hands. You have no witness this child could be lying for all I know." He said bitterly.**

** "But what about my case!" Shrilled Mrs. Hockley. "Did you see that tatrum, she could have killed him! I want to appeal to the court that this child be put away as a danger to society. She is obviously dilusional to some extent." My father rolled his eyes.**

** "I believe her." Nathan voice stood out amongst the pandemonium. He stepped forward to stand beside me and my parents. He had chosen his side. I grabbed hold of his hand.**

** "That's all very well, son but without a witness-" **

** "She does have a witness." A cold woman's voice announced from the back of the room. A tiny, aging woman with wild red hair came striding down the ailse to face the judge. "Ruth Dewit Bukater, Mr. and Mrs. Hockley's housekeeper." She introduced, shaking the judges hand.**

** "Mother." My mother's face paled. Ruth looked at her with cold, grey eyes. **_**Mother?**_

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was supposed to be longer but it got too long so I decided to split it. Sorry!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Mother?" I stammered. "Momma, is Ruth your mother?"She didn't answer, just stared at Ruth. Suddenly the similarities between them seemed painfully obvious. Not just their hair but the way their eyebrows arched reproachfully, the sharpness of their cheekbones and the milky white of their skin were all traces of resemblance I should have recognized before.

Ruth's eyes, as cold and grey as the sky outside, didn't even meet my mother's. They blazed past with extreme intensity, singeing into the temples of Caledon Hockley. He smirked. She gave one last searing glance before turning back to the judge.

"I let the girl in that night, against my better judgment." She added bitterly. "I left her in the study as I went to wake Master Nathan. After he was alerted I promptly returned to my room. I was awakened at about quarter to three in the morning by a faint noise I thought to be a child weeping."

She lowered her head, her papery eyelids fluttering. Everyone watched silently as fine, invisible tears slid off Ruth's ashen cheeks, making hard taps as they fell to the floor below. She looked back at Judge Anderson with glassy eyes.

"I checked everywhere, Mr. Anderson." She said quietly. "I checked the nursery and the small bedroom; the children were all sound asleep. And then I checked the master bedroom..." She swallowed hard. "Madeleine Hockley was asleep too...alone. Mr. Hockley was not in his bed and at first I thought he was perhaps working in his study as he usually did late at night. It was then I remembered I had left the girl in the study." Her fingers were tremoring as she fidgeted with the sleeve of her threadbare blouse. She bit her lip so hard it turned white.

"As I advanced downstairs to check on Mr. Hockley it became very clear what was going on. From the noises I was hearing from the cellar I-I could just..." Her voice seemed to catch in her throat. "I did nothing. Once I realized what was going on I simply turned around and retired to my room."

"Why, Ruth?" I found myself saying, my voice rising above the silence. "Why didn't you help me?" My mother hushed me but Ruth's sharp voice cut her own. Another similarity. They both had those lovely, slightly hoarse voices. Slightly accented and full of emotion.

"Because life is all about knowing one's place. Isn't that right, Rose?" She raised her thin eyebrows at my mother who in turn wrapped one arm around my chest protectively. "I am not just a woman but a housekeeper. It is not my place to interfere with the affairs of my employers."

"Then why did you interfere?" My mother asked, coldly.

"I found out just this morning, Rose, that the daughter I thought to be dead is alive and living happily with a family of her own. My elation was short lived when Mr. Hockley informed me that the girl he assaulted was none other than your daughter, my granddaughter. You didn't think once I knew that I wouldn't do anything? Do you think I'm that heartless, Rose?" My mother didn't answer, but the fire in her eyes seemed to die down a little.

"Well?" Ruth snapped at the judge. Everyone in the court room was waiting in silence for his input. My mother gripped my father's hand and squeezed it. Caledon Hockley dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief as his lawyer whispered something fierce in his ear. His wife reached out from the front row and put a hand on his shoulder. My nails dug harder into Nate's knuckles, he didn't seem to mind.

"Um...well...I-I." His broad forehead was shining from the sweat that concentrated on his brow. His thick, grey eyebrows knit together as he looked out at all the black suited men all of whom would certainly be outraged if Mr. Hockley was charged with assault. He was struggling to find a weak spot, something that didn't fit or maybe some way he could turn all the blame around on me. He could not.

"The court sentences Caledon N. Hockley to three years' probation and one hundred dollars compensation for sexual assault against a minor." He sighed, and with the loud crack of the gavel against wood court was over. I had won.

The whole room erupted, there conflicting voices clashing with one another. There were cries of outrage, cheers of congratulation. I found myself being whisked up in the air and spun around in Nate's tight embrace before he kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that you would expect at happy endings, warm and sweet and beautiful. Unfortunately, my story is not a happy ending. It doesn't end here. It can't.

Ruth walked up and without saying a word I hugged her. She must have been hugged very little in her life because she seemed so stiff with my wiry arms around her chest. She returned the affection with a pat on the top of the head. After all, I was her granddaughter.

We were the last ones out of the courtroom, ushered out by the bailiff. The judge still sat in his chair, holding his head in his hands. I think he might have been trying to convince himself he did the right thing, without considering how many angry letters he'd be receiving in the days to come.

As we entered the lobby I watched as my mother started to engage in conversation with Ruth. She mentioned something about making up for lost time. I watched as my father hung back and put a hand on Nate's shoulder, smiling. They talked as I was suddenly bombarded with people I had never even met. They shook my hand and told me how brave I was, it was then I realized I had done something big.

But most of all, some of the men who walked past would leer at me. They would pull down their spectacles and shoot daggers with their eyes aimed at my heart. I didn't really care if they believed me or not, but I did care what they thought of me. And from the looks I got, I was nothing but a spoiled whore. And I couldn't handle that.

Nathan's mother shoved her way through the crowd looking for her son who had betrayed her not moments ago. In each hand she held one of the twins'. They were looking around for their brother too, they looked frightened.

Thankfully, I spotted them first before one of the girls could spy me and call out my name. I slipped into the small bathroom off the lobby and sank against the door, letting the cool, silent air wash over me. My head began to clear of all the voices from before and I got up to inspect myself in the mirror as every girl does after she's gone to battle and to be honest I looked like a train wreck.

It's not as if that bathroom mirror was the most reliable. The whole entire room itself was a sorry place to begin with. There was a toilet of course, concealed by paneling in case someone forgot to lock the door and another person marched in on them. The porcelain sink was mounted to the plaster wall. It had a crack running down its center and rust crusted on the faucet knobs.

I don't know why I decided to concentrate on the grotesqueness of the bathroom at that moment instead of the unkemptness of my hair or how my cheeks were unflatteringly flushed. But that is exactly what I was thinking of when the door opened behind me. I had forgotten to lock the door.

I opened my mouth and shouted to the person that I was in the bathroom before they could get a good look at me so they could simply turn around and wait outside. But they didn't. He didn't. He stepped right inside, closing the door behind him and just stared at me with those dark eyes. His thick fingers turned the lock. But I didn't notice at first.

"Came to congratulate me, huh?" I laughed, feeling arrogant all of a sudden. Caledon Hockley stared back at me, fidgeting with something behind his back. The corner of his mouth crooked into a smirk. "Must have been hard, seeing your only son chose a girl over his own father. Oh, wait. You aren't his father. Maybe I ought to let him know. You know, make him feel a little less guilty?" It seemed so easy at the time. He had came right to me, said nothing. It felt like my turn to hurt him. But what happened next took me off guard.

Just as another insult was about to leave my lips he leapt from his place against the door with speed I could never have guessed he had. Suddenly I was trapped between him and the sink. One of his arms wrapped itself around my neck, choking me. The other pressed a silver gun barrel to my temple. The rim of the sick jetted deep into my gut, so hard I thought I might be sick.

"You have a choice." He whispered harshly, digging the pistol into my head. He unwound his other arm from my throat and pried my fingers away from the rim of the sink. Then he placed the gun in my hand, forcing my fingers to curl around it with his own before bringing it back up to my head. "I want you to take this gun and commit suicide with it."

"What if I don't want to end my life? I just won a court case after all, my life's just beginning. You on the other hand should think about putting a bullet in your head. You reputation is ruined!" My voice got high and violent as I stared at his reflection in the mirror, the hate in his eyes.

I felt his other hand shake up my legs. I tried to squirm away but he had me pinned, the porcelain sawed me in half to the point where I thought I would break in half. His hands were cold; I felt them as they traced my hip bone all the way down.

"On the contrary, most people I talked to didn't believe a word out of you or that maid's mouth. It's you who should really be considering this. People think you're a little slut, like your mother." My face burned with anger but I could do nothing.

"You said before you didn't have the nerve to kill me, Cal." I said shakily. "Yes, I remember. So what if I should choose not to?"

"You are correct. So if you decide not to pull the trigger then I will take the gun and open fire on the lobby and believe me, I don't care who I hit." He was nervous; his hands were trembling as they tugged at the hem of my underwear.

"But your wife, your children... my mother." I pleaded. "Why?"

"Because ever since you walked into my living room that day my life's been going downhill. I need you to be out of the picture!" He pressed the gun harder into my head.

"Did you ever think it was maybe your actions rather than my existence that got you here in the first place?" I cried. "Think about it, Cal! You didn't have to do what you did to me in that cellar, you didn't! You brought this on yourself." His fingers slackened on mine. "Besides, once the gun goes off, and they find me here, they're going to think you did it anyways."

"I-I have a plan." He said in with a nervous laugh. "I'm going to hold the gun up to your head while you waste yourself an-and then... I'll back away as quick as I can and they'll find me gaping at your dead body with a gun in your hand. I plan on telling them I walked in to find you putting the gun to your head and that I tried to stop you but...I was afraid you'd turn the gun on me."

"But think about your son, Caledon! Your daughters! I'm their friend! Can you imagine how distraught they'll be! Do you really want to cause such pain?" I asked him.

"Well, at least it's not as much pain as they'll be having if you don't do it and I open the door and put bullets in each of their skulls. Yes, I think I can do it if I close my eyes and shoot." He took a breath closing his eyes and opening them again, narrowing them at my reflection in the mirror. "So what's it going to be? You...or them?"

I thought about everyone out in the lobby. My mother and father, Nathan and his family and the people I didn't even know, who would get hurt if he walked out there and shot aimlessly around the room. Who would die? Was it better to end my life to save countless others, to save Nate's? I thought so.

"Okay." I whispered, curling my fingers around the trigger. A wide smile spread across his handsome face. Was this the last I'd ever see?

"Don't worry." He said, almost lovingly. "I'll be right here when you go. It'll be quick. Might even be painless. I wouldn't know." He turned me around to face him and pressed his lips against mine. I couldn't stop him. His other hand wound out from underneath my skirt and held me around the waist. "Go ahead." He said, pressing his cheek against my fore head. "Good bye, Rose."

It took me only a moment to realize those were the exact words he said in my dream, the day I saved Thomas from the water. Those were the words he said right before he pushed me over the deck of Titanic and drowned me.

Caledon Hockley and I were connected from the day my mother and him boarded Titanic that day in Southampton. We didn't know it, but our fates were intertwined. We would even die on the same day.

I took a deep breath, thinking one last thing. It was an image of my parents, and my brothers and Nate...when they realized I was dead. And with that thought and Caledon Hockley's lips against my cheek, I cocked the gun barrel and prepared myself to depart this life.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I would have ended my own life. I would have for the people I love. But just as the tendons in my fingers fired up to pull the trigger there was a loud crack from the door as the lock broke.

The door swung around on its hinges and in the door frame stood the black bailiff and within seconds everyone else was there too. Madeleine Hockley elbowed her way to the front and saw her husband holding a gun to the head of a little girl. I saw all her trust just melt away.

The gun fell from my hand. It took a lifetime to fall but when it did it was oddly satisfying. The clank of metal against the hard tile floor marked the end of Caledon Hockley. It was over, just like that.

Caledon Hockley was dragged off by the police for attempted murder while my parents hugged and kissed me, checking there were no more scars on my already battered body. There weren't any, at least not visible ones.

Madeleine Hockley was silent as they led him away. She held her girls in her arms as he went, biting her lip so hard it whitened. But what it was she was trying to keep inside I didn't know.

At first, I thought Nate wasn't going to say anything either. But just as he reached the door his father looked back at him and all the people he had lied to and I guess he couldn't contain himself. It was then he yelled, _I never want to see you again, _across the room to his father. He would see him again though, on his very last day.

I would never lay eyes on him again. He would spend the next few months in custody before he managed to convince the authorities he was harmless. Personally, I think he bribed them. Money is the only language he seems to understand.

Looking back on that day, I would have rather died than face what was coming. The decision that would change so many lives forever.

That night I laid in my bed listening to the rain fall outside. It was the sweetest lullaby, the gentle tapping of rainwater on glass.

When I was younger, about the time Jack was born I used to imagine each drop was a soul coming to earth just as shooting stars were souls going to heaven. My father had told me the one about the shooting stars just as his father told him. But that one about the rain I had thought up all on my own. It was just a small theory to make sense of things in life. But to me it just made life more beautiful.

It was then my parents came in. My father crept to the side where I lay with my eyes closed, my mother tip toeing after. I felt her lean over and put her palm to my nose and mouth to check if I was breathing. My father had always snorted at this action but to me it was the tenderest action a mother could give her child. She wanted to know I was okay.

My father prodded my shoulder. Wake up, Lizzy. We want to talk to you." He whispered through the persistent pounding of the rain outside. My eyelids fluttered open and I moved to the middle of my bed to accommodate both their bodies on either side of me.

"Your father and I just wanted to know how you are, after today I mean." My mother said, settling into my left side. My father sat down on my right and swung his legs onto the bed. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm alright. Worse has happened to me. I just want you to know he wasn't going to kill me. He wanted me to kill myself or otherwise he would have gone on a shooting spree and shot all of you! I was going to do it to save you!" I explained, honestly.

"We know. Relax its okay." My father laughed. "You're a real brave kid, you know that? Most people don't have the guts to do that for the people they care about. I'm real proud of you."

"My, you're growing fast." My mother said out of nowhere. She took my hand and examined my spidery fingers, rubbing them between hers for warmth. "I remember when I was afraid to hold you, you were so small."

"But you know no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little girl." He smiled warmly and kissed the top of my head. I grinned and blushed in return. It was comforting in a way, to know you were always innocent in someone's eyes.

"I was wondering," My mother implored lowering her eyes, "If Cal told you about…" Her voice trailed off into the darkness. I had an idea of what she meant though.

"He told me about your engagement and its somewhat tragic end. But as of now I find that story hard to believe. Please, tell me the truth. I think I deserve it." I looked at both of them, widening my eyes in a beseeching way.

"Alright, we'll tell you the real story." She sighed. "Well, that night-"

"Start at the beginning." I interrupted. "Right when you two met. It had to be before then, maybe even on the Titanic. If you hadn't I don't think I would exist, would I?" I smiled knowingly. I felt my father's skin grow hot. He was blushing.

He cleared his throat. "Rose, will you do the honors?" My mother leaned her head against mine as if she planned to transfer her energy by diffusion.

"Alright, close your eyes," She whispered, "and I want you to picture a large pier with hundreds of people and a town in the distance. Then I want you to picture a large ocean liner docked in the harbor. And by large I mean the size of a building on its side!" I laughed and did what she told me to. "Feel free to chime in when we get to your side of the story." She added to my father.

So I close my eyes and settled in. My parents pressed their bodies against mine. Feeling their skin on mine and the warmth of their breath as they talked, I let go of the conscious world and let my mind slip into the past with them painting the picture.

The next morning, before the boys woke up, my mother and father sat me sat me down and made me promise not to repeat their story to anyone, not even my brothers. I promised them but I still couldn't understand why. Maybe some memories are too painful to keep dragging up.

I planned to visit Nathan that day and straighten things out between him and I Everything felt so unsettled between us ever since the fight we had in my room that night. I wanted to make sure that kiss yesterday wasn't just in the euphoria of justice but real.

I spotted my best friend Ginny walking down the main road that day as I pulled Thomas along to his play date. She was linked arms with a tall, skinny boy with a tousle of jet black hair. She looked kind of ridiculous with him, her being so short and stocky. She still waved me down anyways, eager to show off her new boyfriend. I was glad she did. I hadn't spoken to her in ages, ever since I met Nathan almost three weeks ago.

We gave each other a short, one-armed embrace as I struggled to keep hold of Thomas's suspender straps. I looked up at the gangly boy piously as she waited with anxious amber eyes for my reaction. She squealed and hugged me again when she saw the grin spread across my face. She was just as vibrant as I remembered. We were made for each other, my father would say. Mostly because we were both slight and ginger haired. But while my hair and skin contrasted in the highest degree her carrot colored hair and beige skin seemed to blend together in a haze of freckled orange.

"Eliza, it's so good to see you. My god, you've gotten tall!" She always said that because she was so little everyone seemed gigantic to her. "Have you heard the latest?"

"What latest? You mean that you have a boyfriend?" I looked up at the boy in amazement still. "I think everyone knows that by now, Gin." I chuckled.

""No, of course not! That was front page news weeks ago." She said snobbishly with a flip of her cropped hair. "That rich fellow that moved here about a month ago got arrested. I think his name is Hockley. Anyways, he got arrested for attempting to murder this he supposedly raped! Can you believe it! Nothing like that ever happens around here!" She exclaimed. I tried not to grow red in the face and smiled weakly.

"That's not even the best part!" She was practically licking her lips with the juiciness of her tale. "Apparently, his little wifey was right upset when she saw her husband holding a gun to some girl's head. It was reported in the papers this morning that after his arrest his wife came to see him in jail and told him she wants a divorce!" She clapped her hands happily. "According to the newspaper she's leaving for New England tonight and taking the children with her! I mean can you imagine…" She stopped, noticing the panicked look on my face.

"Lizzy, are you okay?" She asked, putting her sweaty palm to my forehead. "You don't look so good."

"Did you say Madeleine Hockley is taking her children back to New England tonight? Did she say which ones? It's just the little ones, right?" I felt my chest tighten. I scooped Thomas into my arms and buried part of my face in his hair to conceal my anxious face.

"It said she was boarding the train to New York tonight with her three children. The paper mentioned there were two girls and a boy about our age. Why do you ask? Seriously, Eliza, is everything okay?"

"I don't know." I said quietly. "I have to go…take Thomas…" I mumbled absently, my voice trailed off along with my train of thought. "Yes, that's what I have to do. Bye, Ginny." She gave me a puzzled expression as I went on walking. Inside my head was reeling. Nathan leaving. This couldn't happen, not after all I did to get him back.

I left Thomas with Mrs. Calvert and took off for Nathan's house. People looked at me cross-eyed as I practically raced down main roads and side streets to get there before something else happened. I eventually ended up cutting through an orchard because for some reason the road felt too long and hopeless to carry on walking. The thicket of orange trees made it feel as if the end might actually come.

Ruth answered the door when I stumbled up the walk and rang the doorbell. " I need to speak with Nate." I panted, looking up at her through the strands of hair that had blown over my face.

"Oh, no. Not again." She said, shaking her head. I looked over her shoulder into the foyer and saw men moving suitcases into the hall. "Listen, as your grandmother I commend you for being so persistent but as the Hockley's former employee I must inform you that are quite preoccupied at the moment and cannot deal with any sudden visitors."

"Former employee? They fired you?" I asked gently.

"I quit." She said proudly. "I thought it was about time I started living my life instead of watching it go by. I was hoping maybe your mother might consider letting me stay at your home for a few days, if convenient." She tittered nervously. "I have no one else, you know."

"Well, I'm not sure." I told her, thinking back to the Ruth in my mother's story. "Maybe if you apologized for how you treated her fifteen years ago…and for how you treated my father, she might let you stay." I smiled.

Just then Nate and his mother walked into the foyer upon hearing the conversation between me and Ruth at the door. Madeleine Hockley looked tired and sad. But when she saw me she smiled. Nate didn't.

"Oh, Elizabeth! What a pleasant surprise. I meant to talk to you yesterday but I never got the chance. Um, I wanted to apologize for my misjudgment. I've come to realize that no one would lie about a thing like that. I'm terribly sorry." She looked it.

"It's okay. It's over, no harm done." I said brightly, even though there was harm, extensive harm. "I just came to talk to Nathan, if that's alright?" I looked around at Nate, his face showed no emotion. He pushed past his mother and Ruth and came to stand in front of me in the doorway.

"Come on," He said, taking my hand. Let's take a walk."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N Short and sweet :)

Chapter 20

"Look. I don't want to go either. But you have to understand, I can't just _stay. _My mother, she would be crushed." He explained.

As we walked, our heads lowered and fingers intertwined, the sky cleared above us. Bright gold streams of light shining through the storm clouds from last night's heavy rain. As the dark clouds retreated and the rain subsided it left an oppressive silence which neither one of us dared break until we could no longer hold it in.

"I do understand. Your mother is upset, she needs to get away. I get it." I sighed. "But you're everything to me. If I lose you, I lose everything." Tears welled hot on my eyes and I fought myself to let them fall.

"I don't have a choice, Eliza. Nate said flatly. "If I put up a fight it would just upset her more. And god knows my mom doesn't deserve anymore battles." There was a long pause as we walked together; listening to the sound of our shoes hit the gravel. "I'll write to you every day."

"I don't think that will be enough." I answered quietly. "Take me with you." He stopped and looked at me, startled. I stared him down with all my intensity. I meant what I said. I would leave everything for him. After all, what did I have to lose?

"What? No, you can't come with us." He said, with a shake of his head. "My mother would never go for it, your parents would never let you go!"

"But what if you go and I never see you again!" I cried, the tears finally cascading down my cheeks. "There's going to be a whole country between us! What makes you think will pull through? We'll be apart for four years, maybe longer! A lot can happen then."

Nate watched me breakdown. His eyes welled up and a wide smile spread across his face. I shot him a look of pain and confusion and he moved so fast he knocked the breath out of me. His hands moved to my waist and shoulder, backing my body up to the nearest tree. His lips pressed into mine and he kissed me for what seemed like forever, so hard and passionate I could barely breathe.

The weight of his chest lifted off mine and he backed away, grinning. "That's why." I couldn't say anything, just run into his arms and kiss him again. "Don't worry. This whole love thing may be difficult, but its real. We'll make it out of this mess, trust me."

"Please don't go." I sobbed into his shoulder. "I need to know this isn't all just in my head. If you leave, I might think this was all some dream." I gazed up at those aqua eyes I'd miss so much. He pulled away from me, his face showing no signs of any emotion.

Then, he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring.

"Marry me, Elizabeth?" He asked. "I love you so much. Please, just say yes. I could tell by the look on his face he wasn't joking. So many emotions rushed forwards at once I didn't know how to respond. I started laughing.

"Yes! Of, course!" I said, kneeling down into his arms. He took my hand and slid the ring over my finger. I gazed in awe at the diamond mounted on it sparkled in the sunlight. "You know, this does mean you'll have to take me with you."

"I know. I think I can find a way to get my mother to take you with us. As long as she doesn't know were engaged or catches doing…other stuff… we should be fine. But convincing your parents is up to you." He said, grinning.

"You had this planned all along, didn't you? You just told me you couldn't to make me cry!" I said, half annoyed as I swatted him.

"Kind of." He admitted. "I figured my mother felt bad enough that she'd let you come with us if I asked. But I needed a way to ask you that sounded…more spur of the moment, guess. So how are you going to convince your mom and dad to let you go to New York?"

"Easy." I said. "I won't tell them."

* * *

I got home late that evening. From where I stood in the foyer I could sense everything. The smell of dinner on the stove wafted my way as did the sound of little Thomas throwing a tantrum on the floor of the kitchen and the clank of pots and pans as my mother tried to drown him out. There was the distant thud of my brother Jack kicking his foot ball against his bedroom wall. I really never appreciated how lively my home was, how distracting.

I slipped upstairs before my mother noticed I was home and recruited my help. I scampered past Jack's room before he spied my skirt tails rushing past and came to ask where I had been today. Once in the security of my own bedroom, I pulled out my old leather suitcase from under my bed.

Ironically, the last time I had used this bag I had been leaving New York to come to Santa Monica. I had been only three but apparently I bawled and kicked the whole ride on the train and my father had to hold me down to my seat to keep me from running away.

It's hard to fathom that in just a matter of days I will be there again. The only memory I can recall of this seemingly mythical city is ice skating in Central Park, and even that is in a haze of sounds and colours. The only thing I remember clearly was my father holding me up as I struggled to maintain balance. It's just that this time, he won't be there. I'm afraid I'll fall.

The guilt of leaving them with no note or notice kills me. But it has to be this way. If I leave a note explaining why, they'll know exactly where I've gone and have the police come and find me and take me home. It's better this way, for me to just leave without any trace. To just erase myself from existence. I hope they don't think the worst.

A grab only a few things from my drawers so they don't notice anything missing. My money jar is hidden in my closet. They have no idea of its existence, so it's safe to empty and take with me to buy new things and leave everything else behind for them to hold on to.

I plan on taking at least one picture off the mantle before I go. I don't want to forget their faces. Who knows how long I'll be gone from them. Perhaps forever if I forget, so I won't let that happen.

Then I wait. Form up in my room I hear my dad come home and my brothers rush to greet him. I hear the clank of knives and forks as they sit down to dinner without me. They know by now not to bother me if I don't come down. I'm never hungry any more. Then after awhile they head up stairs to get the boys to sleep. They won't come to check on me till about eleven o'clock. But I'll be gone by then.

Once I was sure they were all in their rooms for the night, I took my suitcase in one and and my shoes in the other and head down stairs. I have lost a lot of weight from not eating so the floorboards no longer moan under my weight.

I make a beeline for the front door, hindering once to stare at the pictures above the mantle. Maybe they wouldn't notice one go missing. I set my shoes and bag by the door to go and nick one, but before I could someone spoke.

"Going somewhere?" I watched my brother, Jack descend the stairs looking groggy and condescending. I watched him cross the living room and seat himself in an armchair, still watching me. Feeling threatened, I grabbed for the doorknob.

"Open that door, and I scream bloody murder." He said, darkly.

_Shit_.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"It's not what it looks like." I said to him. "It's not like I'm running away." I looked him beseechingly in the eye while trying to find a clever euphemism for running away.

"Then what are you doing with a suitcase and pictures of mom and dad, going to visit Grandma?" He said sarcastically. "I thought things were okay between you and mom?"

"They were, I mean they are." I stammered. "There are other reasons for leaving, Jack. It isn't always because you can't stand someone. Sometimes it's the fear of losing someone else."

"Oh, I get it. Your ditching us for that Nathan guy, aren't you? Way to stick by your family." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Listen! You don't understand, I don't even understand! I'm not ditching you guys because I want to, it's just… remembered when we were little and we got all upset because Mother kissed Mr. Calvert in a play, do you remember?" He nodded. "Well after that Mother had to explain to us that it was pretend and that she loved Daddy more than anything because he was her one and only."

"Your point?"

"Nathan is my one and only! The only one I get! I'm not just going to let him go and wait around here my whole life for another one when there might not be another one!" I gulped hard stifling a cry. "Let's face it Jack, how many of us know how long our lives are going to be? If I don't go now and spend these years with him I may regret it the rest of my life. Who wants to live like that?"

"I still don't see how he can't just come back for you. But I guess I can't stop you either." I watched his eyes glaze over and his bodies, shaking slightly, recline back and look up at the ceiling. He looked so small. "Honestly, I really don't care. I never did like having a sister."

"Well I liked having you as a brother." I said brightly.

"But what about Mom and Dad? After all that's happened, won't it kill them if you left?" He said this so dryly it was as if this didn't affect him at all.

"Which is why its better I just disappear. If I leave a note telling them what I've done they'll try and come and find me, or worse they'll hate themselves for not giving me reason to stay. If I just go away at least then they won't ask themselves what they did to me, they'll ask themselves what ever happened to me."

"So you'd rather them think you were gone forever than letting them know where to find you?" There was a long break of silence as he turned it over in his mind. "I'd say it was stupid but I guess I would do the same thing." He said, lips curling into a half-smile.

"I need you, Jack!" I beamed, rushing up to his lap and taking his hands in mine. "I need you to promise you won't say a word about me to anyone from now on. I need you to live your life as if I never existed and I need you to help Mother and Daddy do the same. It'll make me happier this way. Please?" I put my hand to his face, feeling the heat radiating from the soft tan of his cheeks. He looked so young, so innocent. I would remember him this way.

"I will, but you have to promise me something too." He said firmly, his little boy determination firing out of his eyes.

"Anything." I told him."

"You have to come back someday. It could be any day, when you fifteen or thirty-two but you have to come back. Mom and Dad aren't going to forget you, neither am I. They're going to be haunted by you the rest of their lives. Maybe if you come back and see us, just for a day, they won't be haunted as much." And then I saw it. Something I had never seen in my brother. A trace of pure fear. Fear that I would never return.

"I promise. I'll see all of you again. I'll never let go of that promise. Never." I sobbed, pressing his frail body to my chest. I was suddenly overwhelmed, not by sadness, but by the feeling of hopeless loss.

"So I guess this is goodbye…for a little while." He cautioned as we broke apart. I ruffled his hair trying not to dissolve into the tears he brought upon me.

"Yes, a little while." I assured. "I want you to have this." I said, pressing the Heart of the Ocean into his palm. "Keep it safe, don't let anybody know you have it. Think of it as some sort of collateral. As long as you have it I have to return." I started to move away from him.

"So it's kind of like your heart. You can't live without your heart so you're going to have to come back for it." He said smiling. He had found his resolution.

"Right." I said, kissing his forehead. "You hold my heart. You always have, baby brother." He made a face and recoiled. It didn't matter though. I picked up a picture of the three of us kids at the beach taken only a few weeks ago. We were all piled on top of mother making silly faces. "I think I'll take this one. Tell them it fell in the fire, will you?" He nodded.

I picked up my bag and headed for the door. "I just want you to know that I don't regret going with you to that party. Even after all the pain it's caused me, it gave me Nathan. And I'm thankful for that." That was the last thing I said to him before I disappeared, not knowing when or if I was ever coming back.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

New York City was nothing like I pictured it to be. In my mind I imagined a sprawling city beside the ocean, metallic skyscrapers gleaming in the brilliant sunlight. In reality, the buildings are dull against the ash grey sky. Narrow asphalt roads are crammed between the rows of massive structures. The air feels heavy with fumes. I cranked down the window of the taxi cab and looked up between the towers and imagined them swaying in the wind before collapsing on the people below. Then I pulled back in and rested my head on Nate's shoulder to keep myself from vomiting.

It didn't take long for Madeleine to corner me once we got to our new home, the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. She sent her children down to check on our suitcases and grabbed hold of my wrist as I went to follow them.

"May I have a word?" She asked politely.

"Of course." I walked over to the sofa and sat down, knees trembling. I had never had much luck with one on one talk with this family. She wouldn't take me all the way to New York just to tell me I couldn't stay?

She sat down next to me, her china blue eyes beaming at me under their thick shade of eyelashes. Her spindly fingers inched towards mine and grabbed my hand.

"I wanted to thank you, Elizabeth, for your courage. If it weren't for you I would have never have been able to break free of my husband." Her lips spread in to a beautiful smile as she smoothed the crimson flies that escaped the ribbon that tied back the rest of the red tangles. "I'm so glad my son found you."

"First of all Nate didn't find me, we weren't exactly looking, Mrs. Hockley. And second of all, you could have broken free of Mr. Hockley any time you pleased but you were afraid you'd lose everything. It was not my courage that empowered you; you just needed a legitimate reason. So tell me, why did you really want to speak to me?" In that instant her hand retracted, her face turned ashen and her eyes glazed over. Not because I had offended her but because she knew I was right.

"I wanted to warn you. Nathan has told me his plans to marry you once you both turn sixteen. Don't think I'm disapproving because I'm not. But I'm afraid people will find the match...well unsuitable under the circumstances." She heaved deeply as if her corset had been unlaced.

"By people you mean your people...wealthy people." I said slowly. "Is it because I'm poor?"

"Partly, and partly because you were the girl my husband supposedly assaulted." She tittered. "I know how it is. When I was young I fell in love with a man who had a wife and children and was greatly respected by everyone. And loving him and marrying him even after his divorce was..."

"Quite a scandal." I finished wryly.

"Yes." She flushed. "I can't let that happen to my son! I just phoned the Astor's and they're willing to let Nathan into the family, a scandal like this will ruin him! He be lost, he'll be nothing!" Her eyes shone with tears.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked flatly. "You can't change who I am. You just can't."

"Yes! Yes I can! I've been thinking about this for days now! You don't have to be Eliza Dawson from California. You can be Miss Elizabeth Dawson of Boston, Massachusetts." She jeered shaking my shoulders.

"What?"

"We'll change your identity. I'll teach you everything you need to know. How to look, how to behave, what you should know, what you shouldn't. People won't know the difference." She said calmly. "Come now, Elizabeth. Be my little protégé. Let me teach you how to be a proper young lady." She coaxed. "You'll be perfect. It is, after all, in your blood." Her eyes teemed with want and longing and part of me longed to be her daughter, to be doted upon by the beautiful porcelain figure that was Madeleine Hockley. But maybe that was because I missed being loved by my own mother.

"Okay. Teach me." I sighed, falling into her outstretched arms. "Just don't let me lose myself in the process."

"Oh, don't fret." She sang. "You'll always be Eliza on the inside. Just a different person on the outside. You'll be very happy from now on, I promise."

"Mrs. Hockley, who was the man you fell in love with when you were my age, was he Mr. Astor?" She nodded against my shoulder.

"Whenever I look at Nathan I see him." She said wistfully.

"He died, didn't he?" I said somberly.

"Yes." She choked. She squeezed me ever tighter, jamming my elbows down into my ribcage. I whimpered and she pulled me closer. "I'm so grateful for you Eliza. You're my little girl now." That's when I felt the cold hard chains slip around my wrists, shackling me for life.

December 1926

As it turned out I wouldn't need to use my alternate self until several months later, giving me time to bone up before going to battle. I read all the books on etiquette Madeleine had given me as well as all the poetry and novels I could cram in between school and ballet class. Fall came and went in a fleeting moment with Nathan and me attending different schools on the Upper East Side and Nate visiting his father's family in Newport every other weekend. The only time we spent together was those rainy nights when I'd sneak into his room and lay across his chest, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep.

What I didn't realize during the talk with Mrs. Hockley was there are rules to being rich. Nate and I could not show our affection in public. We could not hold each other's hand while ice skating in Central Park. We couldn't greet each other with a kiss as he waited for me outside my school we couldn't even glance across the table at each other at functions. Even in the privacy of our home we weren't safe. But between school and extra curriculars I became numb to it.

The morning before my big debut into the world of high society Mrs. Hockley took me to get my hair done. What was once a mess of shocking red curls was now a straight, flowing waterfall of cascading red gold hair. The hollows of my cheeks were dusted pale pink and my lips were painted a slick cherry red. Madeleine watched as the maid laced up the ties of my corset, hissing tighter as my ribs splintered and my usually non existed bust defined itself.

At the Christmas Party that night, held by none other than the Rockefeller's themselves I trailed behind Mrs. Hockley shaking hand after hand and turning in place for those old ladies who wished to examine me as if I were at an auction.

"I must say you do look familiar." Said one vulture like woman as she greeted us at the ballroom. Her friend tilted up my chin with one finger, turning my face from side to side.

"I agree most definitely." There was a sudden spark in her eye. "Are you perhaps related to the Dewitt Bukater's?"

I felt a sudden pang of guilt and regret. My eyes prickled with tears. It had been months since my mother had crossed my memory. I wondered what she was doing right that moment, what she was thinking. I hoped she was not thinking of me. Madeleine hand on my shoulder brought me back to this world and I shook my head no.

"Really. You know, you look very much like young Miss Dewitt Bukater. Poor dear, died several years ago in the Titanic disaster. She was just seventeen...oh, oh I'm sorry Madeleine." Said the other woman ruefully. "I know it's a sore subject. But she does look like her, I must say."

"Looks like who?" And older man strode up wearing an eyepiece and checking the time on his gold pocket watch. He peered over the woman's shoulder at me. I suddenly felt very small.

"Young Rose Dewitt Bukater, you remember her. She was engaged to Caledon before Madeleine. I remember she was very bright and absolutely lovely."

The man squinted hard. "Hmm, yes I suppose." He grunted. "But you know who I think she resembles. That little girl who went missing out of Los Angeles a few months ago. I was in San Fransisco at the time, read the article in the paper. Young girl, fourteen years old, red hair like hers. Simply vanished from her own home in the dead of night. No note, no explanation. No one claims to have seen anything and nothing from her room was missing which means she couldn't have run away. Personally I think the police should start searching the woods and the creeks for a body..."

Madeleine Hockley dragged me away from that group at light speed before whipping me into a corner, her face inches from mine.

"You didn't tell me you just left!" She hissed angrily. "I thought you told them! I thought you at least left a note!" She seized my shoulders digging her nails through the lace netting of my sleeves. "I will not be thrown in jail for kidnapping!"

"Relax, okay." I snapped. "We're three thousand miles away! Nobody knows where I am and if they do there not saying anything. Besides, look at me. Do I look like that little girl you first met at dinner a year ago? No. No one will ever guess. That stupid man was just using me to jump into another subject so let it go and move on." Madeleine stepped back thrown by my sudden attitude.

"I'm sorry. I completely lost my composure. Let us return to the party and maybe...if you get good reviews tomorrow at tea...I'll let you spend the night with my son...alone." I smiled and followed her back into the ballroom. We were starting to understand each other. I thought, maybe, just maybe despite being without the familiar comforts of home, I could be happy here. I was wrong.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 13

Two days ago, if someone had told me this would happen I would have called them stupid. But the stupid thing was I had trusted him. I had believed he was no more than an insight into the past and I had the soul intension of using him to learn what my mother was hiding. But it was I who ended up being used.

And as I huddled up in the corner of that dark, dusty basement I felt as if I deserved what I got. The bruises that were blossoming up my arms and legs were each penance to my mother, for all the grief I'd caused her. My numb fingers gently pressed the swollen tendons in my broken wrist. I winced, not from the pain but from the harsh cold voice that sliced the air.

"Get dressed." His voice was rough and ragged. He sat on an empty crate a few feet away, dabbing the sweat off his brow. The weight of his stare on my skin was almost too difficult to bare. I reached for my clothing only a few inches away and pulled it over my tangled mess of curls.

The skirt of my favorite navy dress was ripped at the seams, exposing a large patch of purple-white thigh. I couldn't remember seeing it tear, but I remembered the sound of the fabric ripping in his impatience to get it out of the way. I wiped the tears from my eyes in the memory of it. I fought back the will to let them cascade down my cheeks. I would never allow myself to cry in front of him. As I pulled on my shoes I noticed that dried blood ran like rivers down the inside of my legs.

"Shit. You son of a bitch. You made me bleed." I cursed silently, not intending for him to hear it.

"After all I did to you, your dwelling on a little blood." He smirked, taking a long gulp on whiskey and smacking his full lips in satisfaction.

I didn't retort back. Instead I tucked my knees into my chest, hugging my legs and I began to hum my mother's lullaby. _Come Josephine in my flying machine, and it's up she goes, up she goes..._

"Get up." He commanded, getting to his feet and throwing on his shirt. He let his shot glass slip from his fingers and shatter on the floor.

I pretended not to have heard him. I strained to bend my arm and plug my ears with my fingers. I began to rock back and forth on my heels, humming even louder to drown out the sound of his voice.

The sound of his heavy shoes against the floor over powered my soft humming. His thick fingers grabbed my bad arm and yanked me onto my feet. I bit my lip, so hard it bled just to fight back the scream building up pressure in my throat.

He opened the door to his study and threw me into an arm chair before the fire. I sank down into the soft leather cushion, burying my face in my hands. Cal sat down in the opposite chair. He reclined back and breathed deep, before letting out a long, drawn out sigh.

I'm very sorry." He lamented. It felt awkward to hear him speak so softly and so remorsefully, his voice had been so harsh before.

"I don't care." I snapped hoarsely. "I'm not taking your freaking pity. What's done is done. Just forget about it."

"Very well. As you wish." He said blankly. I wanted it to be over but I had to ask him.

"What do you think Nathan would say if he were to know about this?" I asked him, eyebrows arched in the same way my mother's did when she asked a question she knew the answer to.

"He'd hate me." He said with a laugh. "Might even cuss me off. But if its violence you're searching for in Nathan you won't find it. Nathan is too good a man to use violence against anyone. He could never hurt me. He fears me, Eliza."

"How can you say that?" I said sharply. "He is your son! Children should respect their parents, not fear them. My dad taught me that a long time ago. Not that anyone could find a reason to respect you." I added coldly.

"You love your daddy. don't you?" He said with a smirk, his voice turning nasty. "Of course you do, your father is a good man. Far better than I can ever hope to be. I was raised differently than him, as was your mother. We were raised believing as long as we were wealthy and acquired reputable social status we would always be respected. That as long as we men had a beautiful, social wife we would have a happy marriage, love be damned. We look down on the poor for their ignorance and pride but in reality we should be looked down upon, for our callousness."

"Does your wife love you?" I asked wearily, the image of Mrs. Hockley's porcelain face appearing in my head.

"In a way, I suppose her does." he sighed. "She loves me because I was good to her son. I gave them a good home and an upstanding family. But I do not believe she loves me in the way your mother loves your father. In fact, I think she resents me for what I did to her son."

"Her son?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Nathan...is not my real son." He said, a bit of a sob in his voice. "Madeleine was engaged before me to a man named J.J Astor, the richest man in the world some say. He went down with Titanic and poor Madeleine had nowhere to go. So I propositioned her. I offered her financial stability, social status, a good home for her unborn child, more children if she wished...if she gave me the fortune Astor had left her and married me before the year was out."

"Oh my god." I gasped, uncurling myself to get a better look at his regretful face.

"Nathan was born in mid August 1912 as John Jacob Astor the fifth. We put out the child had died and hid him away until the appropriate time for him to be born, then of course we changed his name to Nathan Hockley, not legally though but it happened all the same." I couldn't say anything; my mind was frozen in shock.

"Anything else you'd like to share with me?" I asked, regaining a little of my superiority over him.

"You father was on the Titanic as well. Did you know that?" He said, reminiscing. "He was traveling in steerage and your mother and I were in the first class along with her mother, your grandmother. He met your mother rescuing her from falling of the back of the ship!" He laughed. "Anyway, they ended up having an affair later on." I wondered what memories of them he was revisiting in the twisted depths of his mind. "I was so foolish. I had him framed for robbery and that stupid girl went to rescue him instead of getting off that damn ship. I should have known interfering would only make her want him more."

I smiled to myself, picturing a younger version of my mother trudging through those icy hallways, axe held high above her head, racing to save my father. Even now, at the age of thirty one I could still imagine her doing the same.

"You are so like her, Elizabeth. In every way." he said affectionatly. I held an image of my mother's lovely face in my head and for a second I blushed with pride. But then I remembered our fight earlier that night. I remembered her cruel questions, her prying into my personal things and most of all her threat to tell my father. I burned with hate all over again.

"I am nothing like my mother." I stormed, clenching the loose fabric in my fists and digging my nails into the stitching. Cal looked taken aback; he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked away from my scorching stare. I knew it wasn't my actual words that startled him, but the intensity behind them. I was regaining my strength and he was beginning to fear the challenge of keeping me detained. But still not as much as I feared him.

"So are you gonna finish what you started?" I said finally. He looked at me, a curious grin spreading across his face.

"What do you mean?" He inquired. "Am I going to kill you?" he cackled harder this time, throwing his head back against his chair overwhelmed by the apparent amusement of my words. "I'm not going to kill you. Why would I do that? So I can ruin my good name and waste an already worthless life. There's no point to it."

"If I'm as worthless as you say then why does it matter?" I asked simply. "You could always hide the evidence."

"Because no matter how angry I become when I think about your matter, no matter how furious I get when I look at the product of her and that street rat I can't get over the fact that I did love her." he ran his fingers through his hair and messaged his temples as if the agony of admitting this was giving him a headache. "You're her little girl, Elizabeth. You're a part of her. Killing you would be like killing Rose. Besides," He added with a smile, "you were not meant to be beaten, Elizabeth Dawson, you were meant to be drowned."

I nodded, smirking at his last remark. Right then, I really couldn't understand how anyone could love my mother. So I accepted that I was meant to die some other day, and not here, tonight. Besides, I don't think I could bear dying alone with no one to hold onto as I left.

"Go home, Elizabeth." He said in his normal low, haughty tone. "And if you have any mercy for me and my family you will tell no one of what happened tonight. And of course if you want your family to remain intact." he added with an evil smirk.

"I won't breathe a word." I said quietly, untucking my legs and with my good arm hoisting myself onto my weak, shaky legs. "But the bruises, they just might say something." I left Caledon in his arm chair, staring off into the flames, his eyes glazing over with the remorse that I had searched for hours ago, before this even happened.

I didn't know how far my damaged body would carry me, I hoped it would hold out till I got to the safety of my home. Little did I know, there were more battles waiting for me there.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The last thing I remember from that night was Nathan throwing himself in front of me and the weight of him and the car bearing into me; the pain of my bones splintering. The next thing I knew I was in hospital room three days later.

I feel like I'm paralyzed with my limbs stiff and tightly bandaged and my head throbbing like it was clubbed with a baseball bat. As my eye sight comes into focus I realize I am alone and my throat is too dry and hollow to call out.

Just then Madeleine enters and sits down in the chair against the wall followed by the twins with their identical tear stained cheeks. They don't notice my eyes open and as soon as their bodies hit their seats the begin to bawl.

"Mummy, is Nathan going to die?" Asks Lavinia in a long drawn out sob. "He looked so pale and still. I'm scared for him."

"I know you are dearest." She whimpered comfortingly, her lips trembled and her eyes were glassy. "But there's nothing I can do, I'm afraid your brother is going to pass away soon...I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do..." She breaks off into heaving sobs.

My throat hardens and closes up. Nate couldn't die. I couldn't fathom it. It was impossible. What would I do without him?

"Mamma, is Elizabeth going to die too?" Rosalie asked, sniffling. "She'll get better, won't she?"

"With any luck she won't get any better. With any luck she'll die." She answered coldly. I felt her thin fingers slide into my hand as Rosalie gasped.

"B-but how could you say that? I-I thought you loved her?" Rosalie cried. "Please don't die, Eliza. Not you too!"

"She only means that Elizabeth would be better off with Nathan in heaven than here all alone." Lavinia said primly but her tone was watery and solemn.

"Exactly. We don't want her to suffer any more pain." Madeleine assured.

"But if she does get better, we could look after her. We could even adopt her; I've always wanted a sister who didn't look like me!" Rosalie cheered wiping her eyes.

"I'm afraid she won't recover, dearest. The nurse says that her brain is damaged too severely. It is unlikely she will ever wake. If she does then I'm afraid we'll have to send her away somewhere. No doubt she'll be mentally unstable after that."

"But why can't she be our sister? We've already lost our brother and now we have to give up our sister?" Rosalie wailed and Lavinia rolled her dark eyes back in her head.

"There, there, darling." Madeleine comforted. "It's all for the best."

I had once again lost the world I knew in one night. Only this time, it didn't seem for the best.

A week later, I had proved everyone wrong. So had Nathan.

I was on crutches, hobbling from hallway to hallway, passing time until Nathan woke up and I could be with him. That night as the car slammed into us he had launched himself in front of me to shield the blow. The incoming car should have crushed me instantly but Nathan's body was in the way. I should have died that night; instead I came away with a broken ankle, shattered knee caps and a severe concussion that made my head throb and vision blur. Nate, who would have walked away with a few breaks and bruises if he had stayed in the driver's seat, had a collapsed lung, three broken ribs, a broken elbow, a fractured skull and whiplash in his neck.

Nathan should have died during the week I was still in bed, but he didn't. He held on for me. He was never was supposed to wake up, but he did and he told me it was so he could hear my voice one last time. By the next week I was convinced, despite his corpse like appearance that he would overcome it. His doctors told me different over and over again. His mother would hover over his bed telling him it was okay to let go now, but he would not. Not as long as I was there.

Madeleine was already planning my move to a recovery center up North. She was not convinced that I was well or ever would be again. The doctors thought it would be better if I waited until Nate passed away, that way I could have closure. But she was insistent I get away from her and the girls. They finally agreed with her.

If I was separated from him he would die. He wouldn't be conscious enough to know I had gone. She'd tell him I'd died so he would give up and she could get on with her life. That is what she wanted to do, move on. But I would be moving in two days, and I wasn't ready to let go.

That night, when the doctors assigned to Nate were on call somewhere else. I shuffled into Nathan's room wearing a dark over coat and carrying one in my arms for him. I had snatched a wheel chair from the lobby and braced my bad leg so I could lift his limp body into its seat.

"What's going on?" He moaned half consciously as I fit his arms into the sleeves of his coat.

"We're getting out of here. Before they send me away. Just tell me if I'm hurting you."

"Eliza? Where are we going?" He asked voice tapering off into a rattle in his chest.

"We're going home."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

December 1929

It was winter by time we reached California. With no money and no means of support we didn't get far right away. By the time we made it back to Santa Monica I was sure Nathan was going to pass away in my arms... His face was so white and translucent the veins around his temples and his eyes were clearly visible. He barely opened his eyes anymore.

One thing I learned from all this. It's hard to move forward when you've got something pulling you back. But it's even harder to go back the way you came when you've gone so far you've lost your way. The only thing that matters now is that I'm here and with my heart still beating in my chest I am determined to make things right before its too late.

As I approached the front steps to my former home I was never more aware of how alive I was. My heart thudded against my rib cage and my limbs were shaky with adrenaline. My chest wheezed ever more rapidly as I knocked on the front door that night with Nathan's limp body propped against my shoulder.

But to my surprise it was not my father or mother who answered the door. It was Jack, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He had grown. He was no longer perpetually small but fairly tall and thin. His hair had grown slightly darker and was matted around his tanned face in his nighttime sweat.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked icily. He was not as happy to see me as I had thought.

"Keeping my promise." I replied with a kind smile. "Can we come in.?" Jack's eyes fell to Nathan. He stared at him for awhile, at his cold chapped lips and bluish grey pallor. He opened the door wider to let us through and even caught Nathan's other arm to help him through the threshold and into the sofa in the parlor.

"What's wrong with him?" He asked uneasily as he set Nathan's body down carefully on the cushions.

"There was an accident back in New York. A car hit his head on. Most of his bones have healed by now...but he has a collapsed lung so he can barely breathe plus the concussion injured his head permanently. He hardly ever opens his eyes." I told him as I stoked Nathan's hair.

"And what's wrong with you?" He asked with faint concern that reminded me sorely of how my father used to talk with me when pain, emotional or physical, was severely evident.

"Nothing." I said brightly, propping Nathan's head up on a pillow. "Why would you ask that?"

"You look different. And I don't mean older although you do look older. But you look sick. Your eyes are all glassy and red. How does a car accident do that?"

"You'd be surprised." I told him.

"Well they won't be happy to see you." He snapped, demeanor turning cold. "You don't know what it's been like. Mom and Dad aren't the same anymore. They don't laugh like they used to and they hardly ever leave this house anymore. And it's all because you left!"

"You think it's been easy for me? I've been through hell these last few years. I almost lost myself. You're lucky I did come back."

"Yeah, well you should have stayed in hell then. You're dead to us! Just go back where you came from!" He stormed and started to walk away.

"Wait, Jack! What are you saying?"

"They buried you okay. None of us wanted to believe you were gone, okay, but we didn't know what else to do! People kept asking us if we were gone a hold a memorial for you so eventually Momma caved and held this sort of service. There's a plaque with your name on it in the park."

"Oh, well then I guess they'll be glad to see me." I said, trying to sound cheery.

"Just go home. You've been replaced. Mom had a new baby two years ago. A girl. Things have been better ever since then. We don't need you anymore." Jack said, angrily.

"First of all, this is my home. And no matter what you say you're my little brother. You'll always need me just as I'll always need you." I said with harsh tears. "Now. Can I see her?"

"Who?" He asked

"My little sister."

"Follow me." He answered calmly. I followed him up the stairs and into Thomas's old bedroom.

The room was draped in shadows but could make out a small bed in the corner and the small shape of five year old Thomas huddled under the sheets, only his mop of auburn hair visible.

And in the far corner of the room near the room stood the little crib that once held my dolls a long time ago and after that the infant forms of my little brothers.

Sleeping there now was my little sister, Maggie Rose. I peered over the wooden bars and laid a hand on her milky soft cheek. Her hair was a fine light blonde that curled at the ends just as mine had. Her feathery dark eyebrows dusted her cheeks and I couldn't help but wonder if beneath them were eyes the same shade as mine.

"She's precious, Jack." I breathed, stroking the back of her head.

"Yeah, she's good baby. Better than Thomas was at that age. Dad can't get enough of her. He calls her his princess." He grinned, but upon hearing me cough and sigh his tone changed. "Dad says she reminds him a lot of you. Just in the smile and eyes. I reckon that's why he's taken to her so much." He said quickly.

"Yes. Or maybe he dotes on her because she's his daughter and he's supposed to adore her." I said with a laugh. "Oh, Jack. I'm going to feel bad no matter what. I deserve it. I've done a lot of terrible things. But I'm ready to make up for them. So don't try and lessen the blow, it'll be worse in the long run."

"Okay, I guess." He said. "Listen, in case you haven't noticed tomorrow is kind of Christmas so I better get back to bed. I won't kick you out. Your room's still there if you need some rest. Or you can just sit with Nathan. It doesn't matter."

"Okay. Thanks." Jack had changed. He wasn't that sweet, rational little boy anymore. His innocent view had disappeared with his freckles. He could no longer stay ignorant of what had gone on in my past. He probably knew things I wish he didn't but that made him all the more easily to talk to.

"'Night." He said with a yawn.

"Goodnight, Jack." I thought of saying I love you. But that would just make it even more awkward. "Um, Merry Christmas."

When I got down stairs Nathan's eyes were open. A rarity. A Christmas miracle if there ever was one.

I sat down beside him on the sofa. His sky blue eyes reflected the flames of the hearth fire he was gazing into with a vague dreamlike trance.

I run my fingers through his thick black hair and kiss his pale forehead. Just being hear with him, placing my head on his shoulder and listening to the firewood crackling makes me feel like everything is okay. That death and fighting do not exist. That I had never left.

Nathan's fingers twitch slightly and his arm slides around to hug my shoulders. There is a flicker of a smile in his still face.

Suddenly I am overcome with happiness. A happiness that makes my head ache and pulse. It sears my skull and makes me go dizzy but I don't mind at all.

"Are you okay?" His voice is cracked and raspy. I haven't heard his voice in so long.

"Yes, I'm fine." I say, caressing his face. "Don't worry about me. How are you feeling?"

"About the same." He answers softly. "Eliza. Something tells me this is the end."

"The end of what?" I ask passively, propping him upright on the pillow until it hits me. "No, you don't mean...?" He nods.

"I've been holding on for so long. I'm so weak. I can barely move. I'm not getting any better and this is no way to live. Maybe it's time to let go." His voice fades into the air.

"No. No. We come so far, No! Just-just keep fighting, please. Keep fighting for me!" I said in soft sobs. "I need you, Nathan. I need you forever and always. I-I never thought I'd love anyone so much! Please!" I plead, burying my face in his shirt and crying harder. His hand trembles as he pats down my hair.

"Don't worry. I won't give up until you do." He said. I feel his body wince in pain.

He is in so much pain. Somewhere I know that death is the only way to end this pain. I'm making him suffer when I didn't have to. He said that he wouldn't stop fighting until I did and I would never quit, But maybe. Somehow, eventually I could?

"Rest." I say. "And don't worry about me. We'll find a way to stay together. We belong together. You said so yourself." A smile spreads across his face as his eyes close.

Can you exchange one life for another? Why not? A caterpillar turns into a butterfly. If a mindless insect can do it why can't I?

With that I grab a pen and a piece of paper from the table and start to write


	26. Chapter 26

_December 25, 1929_

_To whom it may concern,_

_I don't really know how to address this letter for it is for all the people I have caused pain to over the last few years and I've caused a lot of pain. I wanted this letter to help you all forgive me but I know that will never happen. So I'm writing this letter as an apology and in hope that someday you will find it in your hearts to forgive me._

_I guess I should start with you, mother. You were the first person I ever laid eyes on, the first person that loved me. You didn't deserve the way I treated you those few weeks and I sure didn't deserve you. I'm sorry, that you couldn't keep me from the fate you tried so hard to break free of and I'm sorry that I was too wrapped up in what I wanted to care. You once said to me that I could be whomever I wanted to but the only person I ever wanted to be was you. Thank you for trying to save me, I only wish I would have listened._

_Dad, you were always there for me when I needed you most. You would pick me up and dust me off when I fell down and gave me strength when the world seemed to weigh down on my shoulders. I'm sorry I took you for granted. But I don't ever want you to look back and wish you would have done something different to help me because there was nothing you could have done even if you tried. You were the best daddy I could have asked for and I'm thankful for that. Thank you for telling me to make each day count because that's exactly what I did. I'm sorry I took away your little girl. Maybe one day you'll get her back._

_Jack and Thomas. Sometimes, I admit you drove me crazy. But whenever I was bored you were there to play with me and whenever I was angry and needed to vent you were there to listen without passing judgment or giving advice like grownups do. Thank you for not leaving me alone. And I'm sorry for not having the patience to listen to you when you needed me most. I hope you'll forgive me someday._

_My beautiful little sister. I just met you today and already I love you. I wish I could be your older sister and be there to braid your hair and to tell all your secrets to. But I've made some terrible mistakes and I can't. But maybe I can make it up to you someday .Just always know that you are beautiful and I feel blessed to have you as a sister._

_Nathan, you may never read this. You weren't supposed to be here today, but you are and I am so grateful for that. You went against everything to be with me and sometimes I wonder why you did it. I'm not the prettiest, or the smartest or the most likable but you loved me anyway. I'm sorry for everything. For making you do things you didn't want to do and say things you never meant to say. For turning your life upside down and back again. I want you to know that somehow we'll always be together. I don't regret going to that party Nathan, no matter how much grief it's brought me since it brought me to you and I am forever thankful._

_To sum it all up, I'm really sorry and I hope you forgive me when the time comes. I missed you and I love you always._

_Yours._

_Elizabeth Oceane Dawson_

As I seal this letter shut, I wonder if they will forgive me. I think it will mean much more in this letter than saying it in person. I can imagine them staring me down across the table until I was finished with my speech. Then they would say how disappointed they were in me, how I knew better. Truthfully, I don't know how they would react. I guess I'll never know.

Nathan lies beside me falling back asleep. His breathing is heavy and his eyes are barely open but still sparkling in the firelight. I could lose myself in those eyes. For a minute I lie against his chest and listen to his faint heartbeat. I wonder if he knows how great he makes me feel when he's around or that every time he smiles a little part of me seems to heal. After all I've been through being here with him makes it all worthwhile.

I take the letter and head up stairs into my parents room. It's dark, but I can still make out their bodies huddled facing each other. There is a gap between them. I suppose there was a time when they slept in each other's arms, but years of frightened children had taught them to leave a space for someone who needed the comfort of their arms more than they did.

I had slept in their bed every night when I was small, even when I wasn't afraid. I needed there warmth and protection to help me through the night. But one night after they had tucked me in I tiptoed back into their room only to find there was someone else sleeping in my spot in between them. Jack had taken my place. After that I slept in my own bed every night and ever night I felt a little more separate from them until it seemed like we were three different people. It had always been that way but for some reason when I was young when we were all connected.

I set the letter on the night stand beside my mother's pillow. I am careful not to shake the bed as I climb on to the mattress and lay down in between them, my back against the headboard and my feet hanging off the side. A lot had changed.

I wish I could stay here forever listening to the sound of their slow breathing. I wish I could wake up the next morning and Nathan would be healed and my headaches would be gone. But I know soon Nathan will die and I will live forever with the a constant reminder of my follies following me wherever I go. It doesn't take you long to realize what we want we rarely get.

I rest my cheek against my mother's hard cheek bone. I wonder if she can feel me, if she knows I'm there for her fingers latch around mine when I go to hold her hand.

I lean my head close to my mother's ear. She is still so pretty and I am never prouder to be her daughter.

"I'm sorry, mommy." I whisper, hot tears streaming silently down my face and onto hers which doesn't stir. "Don't worry," I say lying down next to her and giving her hand one last tight squeeze, "I'm home."

I wished they would have woken and seen me there in between them. I wished they would have held me in there arms like they used to and hummed me to sleep. But they just kept on sleeping and I left them again leaving the letter on their night stand for them to find the next morning.

The living room is warmer and Nathan has finally fallen asleep. His body is sprawled out over the sofa. I can tell he is still alive by the rise and fall of his chest.

I sit down nest him and curl into his chest. Pain is radiating through my skull, distorting my vision and making me writhe. The doctors said I would have these headaches for the rest of my life after my concussion. They told me I was lucky that was all I got. That I should thank God every single night I wake up remembering the day before. I wish I could count myself lucky, but I can't. I wish I would have died and gone to heaven the night of the crash so then I'd only have to wait a little while for Nathan and I to be together. Not an entire lifetime

My heart beats slowly in my chest. At least I'm home, I think to myself. At least I get to wake up tomorrow and greet my parents and meet little Maggie. I could go on living, I reckon, even if Nathan is gone. He'd want it that way. I could busy myself with my family and my friends and all the adventures I've yet to have. But I know there will still be that gaping hole in my heart. A hole that will keep me from feeling how it is to fall in love ever again.

My head aches so bad I need to close my eyes. With the crackling hearth to warm me and the steady thud of Nathan's heart to lull me, I fall in to a deep sleep. I pray, with all that's left of my heart, that Nathan is still with me when I wake.


End file.
